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Thanks GDI You Make My Life Even Better

I've been seen the GDI promotional campaign since 2004 but I never care to join. And I really regret it! I couldn't imagine if I joined that early may be I could earn more than 4K per month. Now more and more people from worldwide joining this program since it offered INCOME FOR LIFE even while they're sleeping. The compensation plan is easy and profitable and what most interesting it's a in long term income. Imagine if you got 3,125 downline you will earn $3,905 per month as long as they stay with GDI. Don't worry about the loyalty of your downline, because they won't cancel their GDI account with one good reason that they just like you to earn $3,905 per month.


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$10 per month is very affordable to start your own online business and may be you make it as your career of life. Starting 2007 GDI Leaderboard have earned $1,000-$4000 per week because of the massive bonus not including their net income from GDI. And their paycheck monthly? Here is the proof:

But, bear in mind, this is not rich-quick scheme and all this doesn't happen overnight. Fast money, easy money or free money does not exist!

If you work alone without guidance and tips, you might be hard to start your GDI business, to make it's easier you should team up with professional internet marketer who's already earned 5 figure per month.

They have been created the system and tools that make thing easier to promote without we crack our head to think how to start immediately. It's free to join and start making money online for free now.

Click HERE to start!

Men's Skin Care - One Step For Men.

Ever thought to do some repairs on your skin? Before it's too late you better act now! Get your Men's Skin Cream by purchasing it via online. This product is made from advanced formula by the famous Dr. Kalil. It's contains Retinol and antioxidants which is very important for cell regeneration and built collagen to avoid from any major skin problems that a lot of us facing nowadays especially when we're expose under the sun.

Men's Skin Cream also ideal for teen-age skin, male or female. It's worth for your money and give it a try now!

My favorite high fashion eyeglasses

I never thought to buy any eyeglasses online before until I came across to this site which is offer a very reasonable price from as low as $ 8 Rx eyeglasses. They not only offer a cheap price but they also offer a high quality and stylish prescription eyeglasses. From all stylish prescription eyeglasses models they have, I picked three of my favorite high fashion eyeglasses:-

1. 4911 Stainless Steel Full-Rim Frame with Pattern on Temples

2. 3730 Pure Titanium Partial Rim Frame with Plastic Temples

 

3. 2316 Plastic Half-Rim Frame with Spring Hinge

All the three models above really suited me. I can wear each of them during my indoor and outdoor activities. The best thing about purchasing these three item is that the price is still within my budget including the shipping cost.

By purchasing any product or complete prescription eyeglasses online is a one way how you can start spending smart rather then you go directly to the shop. It's save time and cost.

   

LinkFromBlog-buy blog reviews, advertise on blog!

LinkFromBlog.com is another great get paid to review advertiser goods and services by posting the review on your blog. The difference form other paid to review site, is bloggers send out the invitation review to the advertisers from the offer lists available and set the price of their own.And all you have to do is wait for the advertisers approval.

Even your blog is placed on a foreign platform (for example, blogspot.com, livejournal.com, twitter.com) you still can earn faster and much.They also 0% commission for Bloggers and absolutely free money withdrawals.

As for the advertisers, the review can be lowest as $0.10 per review which is low cost and low pressure advertising ever.

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Get it down in writing

Blogging, journaling - call it what you want, writing or typing out of your thoughts and feelings helps your body more than you know!

1. SLEEP MORE SOUNDLY

Penning your feelings down before bedtime brings about relaxation that help promote sleep.

2. HEALTHY HEART.

Writing about emotional topics such as missing your boyfriend helps to lower blood pressure and heart rate, keeping your ticker in better shape.

3. SHOO STRESS AWAY!

A month of expressive writing can help reduce hypertension. You may feel worse at first when writing about your worries, so keep at it for at least three days till you pass that phase.

4. IMPROVE YOUR IMMUNITY

Expressive writing may encourage production of white blood cells, which fight infection, suggest researchers from the University of Texas at Austin. That translates to fewer flu-inflicted days!

Germy Hot spots!

Sniff. Cough. Ah-choo! Another day wasted cos you're sick? From your toothbrush to the boyfriend's lips, you'd be surprised where bacteria like to hang out.

1.The toilet (Bacteria alert: Low)

Yes, there are plenty of bacteria in, on, and around toilets (mostly faecal bacteria such as E.coli). In fact some public toilets that are cleaned daily may be cleaner than ours at home! But the likelihood of you falling sick from any commode? Slim to almost none. As long as you wash your hands, those bugs won't make their way into your mouth and digestive tract, where they could cause diarrhoea. The germiest part of a toilet? It's the underside of the seat, which gets splashed with toilet water each time you flush. so if the seat is up, use tissue to put it down.

2.Your shower (Bacteria alert: High)

That pinkish slime that forms on your bathroom walls, tub or shower curtains is serratia marcescens, the germ that can cause UTI or pinkeye if it gets to your urethra or eyes when you're taking a bath/shower! To prevent this disgusting film from forming, scrub your bathroom surfaces once a week. If you notice telltale signs of pink slime on your shower stall or shower curtain, do replace them - stat!

3. Money (Bacteria alert: Medium)

Over 50 million bacteria cells including E.coli and Staph often lurk on money, but they won't make sick.

4.Your mobile phone (Bacteria alert: Low)

The average mobile phone is crawling with 300 more times germs than a public toilet seat, according to a survey conducted by a Dial-a-phone (a UK-based mobile phone shop)! The irradiated heat of mobile phone's interior make bacteria flourish, and what's worse , there are kept in warm areas such as your bags and pockets. Mobile phones contain the most skin bacteria, and since most of the bugs are yours, they can't really hurt you. Just wash your hands if you've used someone else mobile phone.

5. Your toothbrush (Bacteria alert: High)

Microscopic droplets of moisture can fly up to a whopping 20 feet when you flush, so whatever that's in your toilet bowl can eventually land on the fine bristles on your toothbrush. Eeuw! Keep your toothbrush head in a plastic cap that you can buy from the pharmacy or inside the bathroom cabinet.To kill off many germs, let your toothbrush dry out in between uses.

5 hints he's gonna put a ring on it!

He's been acting strange lately? His awkward behaviour may just be pre-proposal jitters! Here are more clues:

1. He's ultra-helpful! A sudden interest in your fave brand of bedsheets is him trying to prove he's hubby material. Before he pops the question, he'll subconsciously try to show off his domestic side so you see him as a potential husband.
2. He talk himself up. It's instinctual for men to be breadwinners even if you have a great career and income level. He'll frequently point out his abilities in the weeks leading up to the proposal such as casual hints regarding his upcoming ginormous bonus.
3. He behaves like you've just started dating. Planning a proposal reignites that new love buzz for most men similar to when he first fell for you. It could be flowers and elaborate dates for no reason at all!
4. He quizzes you. If he's been asking random questions, e.g. your fave childhood memory, he may be gathering info to plan the perfect proposal! Not only does he want it to be special, he know your friends will ask, 'How did he do'?
5. He's into the details. Even if he's positive you'll say yes, he's still terrified of pulling off the feat. If he freaks out about being on time for dinner, or he's borderline aggressive when he insists you order champagne, it's possible he's got something sparkly up his sleeve or in his pocket! 
   

Do you have a good manners?

Because polite people won't tell you you're rude. Find out if you're more brat than debutante.

1.Social Light
You're no need of further refinement. Deftly using decorum to manoeuvre yourself through all shorts of tight spots, you have an uncanny way of putting anybody at ease.No wonder, then, friends continually come to you for advice and approval on the right thing to do. Being forever on best behavior has enriched your own life too, making you promotable, loveable - a regular on everybody's A list for party invitations.

2.Borderline Brat
You know what's proper and decent, dear girl. Still, you can be a bit of a slouch - often to finesse life's more awkward moments ( a hostess who misintroduces you as a beau's ex-girlfriend, for example). Why not take this hint? The next time you hear mummy's voice in the back of your head tsk-tsk-ing a potential faux pas, listen. A touch more polish could land you a second date with that rockstar-to-be.

3.Total PIG!
Julia Robert in Pretty Woman may have had the luxury of a table-manners tutor, but finding one of your own seems unlikely - especially  as most polite company prefer to stay a discreet  distance away from you. The first step to more refined ways? Learning to show others the same courtesy you'd like them to show you, Investing in a comprehensive etiquette book should also help add some class to your act! 

How to be genuinely happy for others!

Secretly wish you had what your friend has, or that she didn't have everything? Kick the nasty jealousy and turn it into admiration and self-improvement.

•  Learn to recognize when you're feeling jealous.
• Take a deep breath and ask yourself whether being jealous will achieve anything.
• Stop viewing people as threats or rivals; see them as equal.
• Show interest in others' success; ask questions and take their advice.
• Remind yourself of your of your good qualities.
• Set some short-term goals and reward yourself as you achieve each one.
• Learn from your blunders.
• Be thankful for what you have.
  

good-time guy or alcoholic?

Has your guy's drinking too far and tipped over from a social lubricant to something he can't live without? Does he:

1.Find he can't face an increasing number of situations, such as parties, uni presentations or work meetings without calming his nerves with a drink first?

2.Sneak drinks at home or seem unable to go without a drink at lunch?

3.Intend to have just one relaxing glass of wine or beer most nights with dinner, only to drink the whole bottle or six-pack of Heineken?

4.Often drink to the point where his personality changes or he can't remember what he did?

5.Ever have a alcohol to calm a panic attack or shakes?

6.Appear anxious, out of control or aggressive if he runs out of alcohol at home?

7.Often call in sick to work because he's severely hung over that he need to stay in bed?

8.Keep mints or toothbrush and toothpaste at work or in his car to mask the smell of alcohol?

9.Wipe himself out binge drinking every time you socialise?

10.Sometime resolve to give up drinking or drink way less, but can only go without a drop for a couple of days?

If you answered "YES" to two of these questions, it's highly likely your boyfriend has a dependency on alcohol. Seek professional advice and support from a drug and alcohol counsellor.

Why it's cool to be warm..

If you want to be happier, turn up your inner central heating. That's because it's the warm and affectionate among us who truly attract fulfilling opportunities.

You can buy sex appeal. you can learn charm. But genuine warmth is worth much more - after all, it's all about having a relaxed attitude and not taking yourself too seriously. warm women give the impression that what you see is what you get(WYSIWYG), that you are seeing the 'real' them.

Warm women don't pretend to be something they're not. Which is why so few women under 30 exude true warmth. In our 20s, we're too self-absorbed and too busy promoting an image the world will approve of.

But as we grow older, so does our ability to radiate warmth. Warmth is one truly alluring quality that is more easily accessed with each successive birthday. And yes, we should be cultivating this asset. Why? In tough times like these - with an economic recession, depressing job cuts and gloomy news headlines - real warmth carries us through.

In difficult times, warmth is wonderful shortcut - it helps you engage with people and forge firm relationships quickly when you're under pressure. Good relationships are the foundation of business success and personal happiness. People with natural warmth should realise what a wonderful gift it is - and how silly it would be not to let it show.

Warmth will also open doors as it is the gateway to a bulging contacts list. For women especially, our natural warmth is a great ally in more productive networking.

There are three body-language signals that convey warmth - smiling, nodding and being tactile - which are magnified in warm people. Smiling is an unequivocal sign of approval. Nodding is more interesting: Even if you are verbally disagreeing with someone, they'll feel that you approve of them and feel warmer towards you - as long as you're nodding at the same time.

If you want to be memorable, let your warmth flow through. You never know whether the next person you heat up will be the one to introduce you to that new job, friend or opportunity.

Benefits of Traffic Exchange..

There are many ways to generate traffics to your site. BUT which is the most effective and satisfied you? I've been member to many social media websites such as MyBlogLog, BlogCatalog, Facebook and even Twitter. So far BlogCatalog give me more visitors above of all.

BUT, that is not ENOUGH! I need more than that! Until I found a traffic exchange website which is more easier to get real traffic plus I get paid while surfing! Easyhits4u.com is the solution!

1.How does this site work?
This site is a 1:1 traffic exchange system. It helps webmasters to promote their sites.
For each site you visit using our system you'll receive one visitor back to your own Web site or referral link!

2.Is it free to participate?
Yes, it is absolutely free!

3.How many accounts can I create?
Members are limited to 2 accounts per person. If you create more than 2 accounts, all your accounts will be terminated.

4.How can I earn hits to my site?
To start earning hits you must signup, log in to your members account, and click on the "Start Surfing" menu option.

5.And what about your referral program?
We have 5-tier referral program (10%, 5%, 3%, 2%, 1%). It means that you'll receive 10%
of hits earned by people whom you've directly referred, 5% of hits earned
by people referred by your referrals and so on through 5 tiers!

6.How can I refer new members?
You can tell your friends about this site and give them a special link such as: http://easyhits4u.com/?ref=qumang. You can also put our banners and text links on your site. We have created a lot of different banners and text links to help you refer new members.

7.Can I earn money on your Web site?
Yes, you can! You will receive $0.10 for every person you refer who surfs at least 100 sites and $0.30 for every 1000 viewed sites.
The minimum payout amount is only $3.00. We pay through the PayPal and AlertPay systems. Payouts are normally done within 5-7 business days after a request has been placed.

8.How can I receive my payment?
We pay through PayPal and AlertPay systems. Please submit your payout request using the "Cashout" link on the "Account stats" page.

9.Do you accept non-English sites?
Unfortunately, no. This is because many members have demanded it so more people can understand the content of members' sites.

I received more than hundred visitors everyday since I've been join this site. Why not you give it a try!


Click HERE to Join!

Are You a reckless driver?

And don't know it yet? Steer clear of these common errors and you'll help make our roads safer.

Does this sound familiar - you're in your car, cruising down the road when a distracted driver almost knocks into you. Imagine your rage. Now, what if the situation were reversed and you were the reckless one?

One the worst things about driving is losing control, especially when you're in close proximity with a reckless driver. You could be a safest driver around, but if put in this situation, things could get bad. This is why it is important to practise defensive driving.

We often unwittingly put ourselves in dangerous driving situations. Not only are we harming ourselves, we're also endangering others. And bad habits that may seem insignificantly could potentially be the most dangerous.

So, are you are reckless driver? Here are some bad habits you need to avoid..

• Staying too close to the car in front
• Poor overtaking
• Picking up a call
• Not signaling
  
• Over-confidence
• Tailgating
• Hogging the middle and outside lane, holding up others drivers
• Not sticking to speed limits, going either too slow or too fast
• Using the wrong lane at roundabouts
  
• Changing lanes constantly, cutting into another driver's lane
  
• Cutting corners
• Leaving the headlight beam ON.
  

Money Stretchers

When paying off your debts, work with whatever amount you have right now and make it stretch as far as possible...

• Make a list of all outstanding bills.
• Note due dates and grace periods.
• Pay your bills only at the end of their grace periods A computer won't care that you paid on the last possible day.
• Pay only the minimum due, but pay something on all of your bills.
• Don't pay all of one bill and only some of the others.
• Don't charge anything on a due-in-30-days basis. Try to arrange credit over a longer period.
• If it looks like your money problems will last a while, send a note to the people you owe when you make part-payment. Keep it brief and to the point; "I'm experiencing problems that should be resolved soon. Here is part-payment. I will pay the full amount as soon as I can.
  

Drink Damage Control

Drinking until you're tipsy or drunk is not good for your brain or body, so help your guy keep his drinking under control (and cut back on your alcohol intake too). To avoid overdoing it when you're out socilising, slash the amount you both drink by:

AVOIDING SALTY FOODS: As well as being high in fat, they create thirst, which you will then tend to quench with more alcohol.

ORDERING HALF 'N HALF: E.g. half champagne/half orange juice, a spritzer (wine mixed with the tonic water) or a "spacer" - a soft drink or iced water after every glass of beer or wine.

AVOIDING SPIRITS AND COCKTAILS: Their alcohol content is higher, particularly if combined with fizzy mixers which send them into the bloodstream more rapidly.

THINKING SMALL: Ask for the barman to pour no more than a 100ml glass of wine or a half nip of spirits.

EATING FIRST: By making sure you're had a good meal or at the very least, a breadroll before you drink, you will metabolise alcohol a little more slowly and are less likely to get tipsy, throw caution to the wind and get drunk.
STEERING CLEAR OF HAPPY HOUR: If the drinks cheaper you're likely to have more.

EMPTYING YOUR GLASS: Don't allow anyone to top up your glass before you finish it or you'll quickly lose track.

Need specific self, career or relationship advice?

Here are some tips from the experts.

Self: Reaching our potential is something we should all strive towards - and, in reality, it's a lifelong project. Aim high and remember that this can be measured in variety of ways, including health, happiness, financial security, purpose and quality relationships. We all need to look after ourselves, but we don't want to be selfish. Similarly we want to love and care for others, but not at the expense of our own health and happiness. Real contentment can be achieved by balancing the two.

Career: Be realistic; as there may not be as many opportunities available at the moment. rather than abandon all your goals , focus on you career values. Identify what's important to you: Money? Helping people? Flexibility? Feeling challenged? Then look at your current circumstances to find ways of working towards these mini-targets. If assisting people is important, investigate a mentoring programmed; if you you want to feel more challenged in your job, ask for more complex work. Being proactive pays off!

Relationships: The most successful people in life will have better-quality relationships and more of them. They actively focus on developing, fostering and maintaining those relationships in their life that are important. They do this by do this: focusing more on the positives in others; being clear about the nature and purpose of each relationship; frequently praising others; and communicating more effectively. So brush up on these skills and you'll reap the rewards.

It's all in your genes!

Scientists have found that your DNA influences more than just your physical make-up!

1.Sweet tooth.
Why is it that some of us fine it harder to resist sweet foods than others? There's an explanation: the gene in our brain which tells us that we've had enough to eat is less sensitive to glucose in certain folks, states a study by the University of Toronto. These people often have a higher BMI.

2.Stress
Susceptibility to tress doesn't run in families, but how you react to it does. Unchecked level of stress can activate genes that increase inflammation in those with heart disease and that in part explains why certain diseases run in the family.

3.Moods
If you often feel sad, you may have a short version of the 5-HTTLPR gene which indicates that you're the non-confrontational type. Since feeling blue is linked with heart disease and impaired immunity, learn to cope by asking yourself: Is my respone appropriate? Can my situation be improved? Or is taking action worth it?

Body Know-it-all Tips!

R & R
Rehydrate and replenish is what it's mean! During your workout, your body's fluid are lost through perspiration, so it's crucial to replace them. Revive is an excellent after-workout isotonic drink as it is designed to improve metabolism and rehydrate your body with its concoction of vitamins B3, B6, and B12 and electrolytes. With a hint of zesty orange and grapefruit, it's a refreshing treat especially when chilled!

Airplane gas bomb!
Believe it or not, there's such a thing called "high-altitude flatus expulsion" according to gastroenterologists at Yale University. There's less air pressure in higher altitudes so the gas trapped inside you expands. A simple Rx: Avoid indulging in rich food or having too much carbonated drinks just before the flight or while you're airborne.

Help, my eyelids are Twitching!
According to old wives' tales it's a sign that someone is missing you. But truth is you need some shut-eye! Eyelid spasms is a sign that you're WAY too tired. A state of sheer exhaustion and stress can make your facial nerves fire spontaneously for no reason. If you're already in the middle of an episode, you need to hit the sack and cut back on caffeine which can worsen the spasms!

Is your relationship making you sick?

A new research shows treading water in a so-so relationship can actually be bad for your health, raising stress levels and blood pressure. Find out here how healthy is your relationship and how to help it recover if it's under the weather..

1. Too healthy for your own good?
Couple that never argue may be setting themselves up for a fall. One of the key ways in which relationships grow is by partners learning to reconcile their differences.

Take Action-Don't be afraid to be your own person. Being loved-up is fantastic, but it can make you very self-absorbed. It can also end up costing you if you let it change things in terms of your other relationships, your work of your health.

2. A clean bill of health
Being a stable relationship means you have a haven, regardless of the problems the outside world decides to throw at you. Being in a relationship that offers mutual support will boost your confidence and well-being. This might help to explain why people who've been happily married for years tend to live longer.

Take Action-Keep up the good work! But remember, if you've not being together for long, you may still be experiencing the 'high' of falling in love. Once normality sets in, you may find you have to work harder to keep the spark alive. Surprise dinners or sending sexy text messages will help.

3. Looking a bit peaky
A so-so relationship can be even worst for your health than a bad one. Being in a constant state of uncertainty about whether to continue your relationship can cause feelings of guilt, anxiety, insecurity and raise your blood pressure. This is often when people have affairs.

Take Action-Take this as an opportunity to rediscover all the reasons you got together. Try to rekindle feelings of intimacy. People have 'love nerves' throughout the body, which send strong feelings of contentment to the brain when stroked. So indulge in some massage and make quality 'we' time.

4.Call 999!
Studies show that illness rates are much higher for people in an unsatisfactory relationship. Women tend to take on the role of carers in a relationship. This can mean juggling a career with household tasks, resulting stress, sleep deprivation and depression.

Take Action-It's make -or-break time and you have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. If you've invested a lot of time in it and children are involved, try to work together to see if the relationship can be improved. This may mean seeking professional help.

Love, Lust or just a crush?

Now this is one tricky question and the answer is not always crystal-clear. But fear not, here are guide on how to separate real love from false signs:

Lust is the simplest to identify. It's purely based on physical attraction. You're not fussed by his awful dress sense cos all you want to do is rip his clothes off. What's wrong with you? Blame it on the overproduction of the sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen.

Crush is that teeny-bopper feeling you get that probably comes from a more physical than emotion place. It can turn into love or fade away. Sometimes a mild crush turns almost obsessive with what's called "intrusive thinking", a toxic feeling of longing where your Facebook stalk him as if he were the oxygen you need to breathe.

Love is when you're past the crush and lust stage. You like him even after he has done something annoying, you imagine a future with him and you feel loyal to him. Chemicals involved with this feeling are oxytoxin and vasopressin. According to researchers at University of Calofornia, oxytoxin is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with others. Vasopressin, on the other hand, is a hormaone that promotes feelings of bonding and connection, which is a possible explanation of why lusty love fades as attachment grows within the couple.

Managing your money can be a breeze

Expert tips to help you feel secure and money-confident about your future.

Are you debts mounting each month? Are you finding it harder to juggle the bills? Do you find yourself relying on cash advances on your credit cards to get you through till pay day?

Fretting over unpaid bills is a terrible energy-sapper. Money worries hang over your head, undermining your self-confidence and sense of security. Things usually aren't as bad as they seem and the worst thing any woman can do is accept the situation and continue living hand-to-mouth, day-to-day.

Every woman, regardless of age or income, has the potential to be financially secure and enjoy the self-confidence and personal power that comes with it. It is not a matter of earning higher wages, but of working smarter with what you've got.

Tips suggestion during a credit crunch:

1.STAY CALM
If it looks like there is no way out of the maze of bills, stay calm. After all, it's just money. Many people and businesses face a credit squeeze at some stage and most work their way out of it. The key is to have a plan - and to follow it.

2.IS THE CRISIS TEMPORARY OR CRITICAL?
Work out if your difficulties are short-term or long-term problems, such as illness, loss of job or even bankruptcy. If it is a major crisis, you may need professional help. Seek advice from an accountant or bank officer immediately.

3.WILL YOUR CREDIT RATING BE AFFECTED?
Do your best to protect your credit rating. A downgrade could jeopardise your future chances of obtaining a loan.

4.PRIORITISE YOUR BILLS
When cash is tight, prioritise which bills to pay first. Check which unpaid bills are likely to affect your credit rating. For example, a landlord may allow you to pay the rent a week late, but a default on the electricity bill will put you in darkness - and leave a black mark on your record.

5.WATCH YOUR EXPENSES
Until you work out your way out of debt, you need to spend wisely. Put off buying clothing or household items until you are on firmer financial footing. Work out how much you can afford to put aside each week towards paying off your debts, then work out how long it will take until you are debt-free. Now you have a personal goal to work for - that marvellous day when you won't owe anyone anything.

6.DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF
Financial fitness takes discipline but don't impose too strict a budget on yourself. Chances are you won't be able to stick to it and will end up depressed.

7.BUILD YOUR CASH RESERVE
Just $40 a week could get you started on building a fat nest egg for the future. The best way to begin a plan is by learning how investments work. This bring the knowledge and confidence you need to win. Many financial planning firms run seminars that are useful starting point.

Are You Depressed or Just Having A Bad Day?

You've been shopping, you've eaten a ton of chocolate, had a bubble bath and you still feel awful. Who should you call: a friend or a shrink?
You leave your house and as soon as you hit the highway, you're stuck in a massive traffic jam. When you finally get to the office, you can't find a parking lot. You're really late for work now.

It starts to rain. You decide to make a run for it from car to the office, but your best shoe (and the rest of you) get drenched in the process.

To make matters worse, you had a big argument with your husband last night and now you're just teary, mopey and into chocolate. You want to run home, call your mum, cry and kick a cushion. This is a bad day, but with any luck tomorrow will be better.

But when you're suffering from depression you can't be bothered to worry about being late - what's the point? And the rain drenched you. So what? Discomfort just adds to the agonising numbness. If you go home, you'll lie under the duvet for hours, alone, staring into space, fantasizing about whether it would be easier to just end it all. This is depression, and it probably won't be any better tomorrow.

We all get down from time to time. There is, however, a significant difference between a bad run of things and depression. So how can you tell if you're about to become a statistic (1 in 4 women become depressed each year)?

IT'S JUST A BAD DAY
OK, so you may not be depressed, but you have thought about leaving everything behind and emigrating to Timbuktu, because anywhere's got to be better than where you're at. What's the answer? The obvious first stop is family, friends - or anyone prepared to listen, empathise and tell you when it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

The second option is to undertake a little mental reorganisation.

I AM DEPRESSED ACTUALLY
If you suspect you are really suffering from depression, there's no need to panic. A bout of debilitating despair is a signal that something in your life isn't working. Whether it's your health, lifestyle, thinking, or the way you deal with your feelings, it's an opportunity to put it right. The condition is better understood now than ever before.

Why Women CHEAT?

Is it the thrill of the forbidden escape from a mundane relationship that lures women into betraying their partners?. Would you be at risk of cheating? Are you sure? Would it mark the beginning of the end for your relationship or is your relationship already on the way out if you are considering fling? Confessing an affair rarely helps assuage your guilt about your infidelity. Sometimes discretion is more helpful than disclosure.

Critical life events, professional crises or personal vulnerabilities can leave women more vulnerable to an affair. Common stressors that can lead a woman to cheat on her partner include:

1.A shift in status, such as getting promotion at work or starting a new course.

2.Moving to a new area with few friends nearby.

3.Personal failure, such as problems losing weight, conceiving a baby or the loss of a job.

4.Illness or an accident.

5.The death of someone close.

6.Times of transition, such as pregnancy, motherhood or starting a more demanding job that may leave you feeling insecure.

Think Yourself SLIM!

POSITIVE THINKING WORKS TO BOLSTER YOUR WEIGHTS-LOSS EFFORTS! POP STAR LILY ALLEN IS SAID TO HAVE DROPPED FROM SIZE 12 TO 8 AFTER HYPNOTHERAPY, WHICH SHE SAYS REPROGRAMMED HER BRAIN TO ENJOY HEALTHY FOOD AND THE GYM! HERE ARE SOME BRAIN-RETRAIN TIPS TO TRY

Compliment Yourself.
Every time you catch yourself saying something not-so-nice about your body, jot down a compliment and say it aloud to yourself 10 times, says Margo Maine, a body image expert and author of The Body Myth.

Trick Your Brain.
Hypnotherapist Ursula James says to think of a favourite non-food smell (like perfume, flower or sea breeze) and imagine breathing it in deeply for a few seconds. This triggers the brain to feel satisfied so you don't keep thinking about food.

Relieve Stress.
Stress can mess up your weight in two ways. First, tension and anxiety raise cortisol levels, the hormone that encourages your body to store belly fat. Secondly, we often seek comfort in food that's high in crabs and calories when we're feeling frazzled. That's a double-whammy on your body, girls! to ease tension, try doing something that'll take your mind off the matter and food; for instance, bicycling, drawing or Facebooking!.

Rate Your Hunger Levels.
Feeling famished? Imagine a scale from one to five. One being not hungry and five famished. Don't confuse feeling peckish with hunger. If you feel it;s a tour, you need to fill your tummy!

Do You Have Obsessively Jealous Partner?

One of the emotions that most couples experience at some point in their relationship is jealousy. Jealousy may best be described as an emotion that arises when one person feels that someone else is giving the attention they deserve to another person. In addition to attention, a partner may feel jealous if his or her partner gives time, love, or affection to someone else. Jealousy can become a problem in a relationship, as the partner who is feeling jealous begins to dominate and control their partner’s behavior. Additionally, jealousy is caused when one person perceives a threat to the stability of their relationship, and they may begin to act in inappropriate ways to try to remove the threat. This is when the actions of a jealous partner may begin to cross the lines and become obsessive.

An obsessively jealous partner may try to control the actions of the other person. This may include trying to limit who they see, talk to, where they go, and who they spend time with. They may begin monitoring phone calls, checking emails, or even stalk the other person. Since jealousy is rooted in resentment, if the person who is becoming obsessed begins to perceive that there is cause for jealousy, their obsession may become explosive. One of the dangers of jealousy is that the more the mind begins to ponder scenarios, the easier it is to be fooled into believing that the partner is engaging in suspicious behavior. This creates a cycle that may quickly escalate into uncontrollable behavior.

Obsessive jealousy can be a dangerous mix of emotions and may be detrimental to a relationship. Unfortunately, there is no way of predicting whether a potential partner will experience obsessive jealousy or not. However, you should always be aware of the early signs and deal with this type of behavior as soon as you recognize it.

Extreme and obsessive jealousy is usually attributed to low self-esteem or personal problems. Many times, someone becomes jealous because they feel that they are inadequate. The only time that jealousy may be defined as “justified” is if the partner has broken the trust, usually by cheating. However, it is often obsessive jealousy that may cause the injured partner to realize that they can no longer continue in the relationship. Often when trust is betrayed, the other partner may agree to forgive and try to work things out, only to discover that they are plagued with jealousy. Sometimes, the jealousy becomes so great that the relationship becomes toxic and must end.

If you or your partner are experiencing obsessive jealousy, you should stop and take a long hard look at yourself. First, you should determine where the jealousy is coming from and truly ask yourself if the jealousy is unfounded. It may be possible that you are projecting past failures from previous relationships on your partner and accusing them or feeling jealous without reasonable cause. Trying to think rationally when feeling overwhelmed with jealousy may be very difficult, however, if you or your partner plan on saving your relationship, you will need to address the underlying insecurities that are contributing to the jealousy and resolve them.

Are you caught in a career "cul de sac"?

You drag yourself into the office each morning and count the minutes till the day is OVER. Should you stay in your job or is time to GO?

How to go-Gracefully
So you've decided to resign; here's how to make the break without being booed out of the office:

1.Don't use your resignation as an opportunity to tell your colleagues what you really think of them. You never know when you may work with, or for them again.

2.Do thank your boss for her/his help and guidance during your at the company. It's a small gesture that she/he will remember when it's time to write your reference.
3.Do volunteer to help find your replacement and to train her/his up before you leave.
4.Don't slack off. Sure, your heart may not be in it, but you're still getting paid to do the best job possible. What a better way to leave a position lasting impression?
5.Don't suddenly come down with a mysterious illness during your last few days on the job.
6.Do remember that a bad attitude before your departure can undo years of good work.

Father's care

Involvement, influence, and affection: three keys to father-child relationships. Though they may sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings, most fathers care about their children and families.

In a 1980 Gallup poll, six out of ten fathers said their families were "the most important element of my life at this time." Only 8 percent said their families were unimportant to them. When asked what they found most satisfying about their families, fathers rated "children," "closeness," and "being together" as personally important. [1]

This hearty endorsement of family life contradicts some of the traditional roles or popular images of fathers in our society:

The Wallet: This father is preoccupied with providing financial support for his family. He may work long hours to bring home his paycheck and does not take an active part in caring for the children. Making money provides this father with a distraction from family involvement.

The Rock: This is a "tough" father - strict on discipline and in charge of the family. He may also believe that a good father remains emotionally distant from his children, so expressions of affection are taboo.


The Dagwood Bumstead: This father tries to be a "real pal" to his children, but his efforts are often clumsy or extreme. He doesn't understand his children and feels confused about what to do. He may also feel that he is not respected within the family.These traditional stereotypes are now clashing with another image of a father:

The Caregiver: This father tries to combine toughness with tenderness. He enjoys his children but is not afraid to set firm but fair limits. He and his wife may cooperate in childrearing and homemaking.

This type of father has always been around. But the number of men who choose this role is increasing. Many fathers today recognize that family life can be rewarding and that their children need their involvement.

This shift in roles is influenced by two major social changes: the increase in the number of women working and the rising divorce rate. As more and more mothers join the work force, fathers are being asked to take on more responsibilities at home. In 1979, 40 percent of the mothers of children under age 3 were employed.[2] Instead of remaining on the fringe of family life, many fathers are helping more with child care and housekeeping.
Fathers are also profoundly influenced by the escalating divorce rate.[3] For every two marriages there is now one divorce - a tripling of the divorce rate between 1960 and 1980. If they are not directly involved in a divorce, most men have friends who are. They witness the loss their friends have experienced and reexamine the importance of their own family relationships. Remarriage and stepfathering are also creating new challenges for many fathers.

Because of these changes in our society, many men are being forced to develop family relationships that are quite different from those they had with their own fathers. They cannot easily fall back on their own childhood experiences for guidance. What worked very well for their fathers 20 or 30 years ago may not work at all with the kinds of challenges fathers face today.

These changes in social attitudes mean that men have more options for meeting their obligations as fathers and husbands. Some men will express their feelings more openly, while others will be more reserved; some will enjoy the companionship and play of very young children, while others will prefer involvement with older sons and daughters. Fathers do not have to try to fit a certain stereotyped pattern.

According to sociologist Lewis Yablonsky, a man's fathering style is influenced by some or all of the following forces: his enthusiasm for being a father, his own father's behavior, the images of how to be a father projected by the mass media, his occupation, his temperament, the way family members relate to each other, and the number of children he has.[4] No single style of fathering or mothering, no matter how ideal it appears, is right for everyone.

Regardless of their personal style, most fathers are interested in having a satisfying relationship with their children. Although they might not be able to put it into words, most fathers know they are important to their children. According to psychotherapist Will Schutz, a good relationship needs three things: involvement, respect and influence, and affection.[5]

Involvement: The Foundation of a Relationship

The first step in any relationship is the feeling by both persons that the other is interested in them and wants to be with them.
Many fathers begin to prepare for this kind of relationship before their child is even born. A father who seeks involvement is interested in his wife's pregnancy and makes preparations for the child's birth. When the child is born he is eager to hold the infant. In countless small ways, this father demonstrates involvement - he may gently touch and play with his children, hold and talk to them. By doing these things he sends a clear and emphatic message:

I want to be your father. I am interested in you. I enjoy being with you. You and I have a relationship that is important to me.

Every child wants to sense this type of involvement from his or her father and mother. Without it, a child feels isolated and rejected. The foundation of the relationship crumbles.

What the Research Shows
Research on father-child involvement demonstrates that [6]:

(1) Fathers are significant for children;

(2) Fathers are sensitive to children;

(3) Fathers play with children differently than mothers do.

These differences in play continue as the child grows older. Fathers may vigorously bounce and lift a 1- or 2-year-old in rough and tumble physical play; mothers may prefer to play conventional games like "peek-a-boo," offer an interesting toy, or read. Fathers' play appears to be more physically stimulating while mothers are more interested in teaching.

As a result, children seem to prefer fathers as play partners, though in a stressful situation they may be more likely to turn to their mothers. This preference could be due to fathers spending a greater proportion of their time playing with their children than mothers. One researcher noted that about 40 percent of a father's time with his young children was spent in play in contrast to about 25 percent of the mother's time. Even though fathers may spend less total time in play than mothers, their type of play and their apparent interest in that type of involvement make them attractive play partners.

There are, of course, exceptions to this pattern. Some men simply do not enjoy playing with children, and some mothers may prefer an arousing, physical form of child play. Also, when both parents work, the additional demands on the family could affect the amount of time one or both parents spend enjoying their children.

Suggestions for Fathers

How can fathers become more involved with their children? First, they can give each of their children exclusive attention as often as possible. During their time together fathers could enjoy their children's company without allowing outside distractions to interfere. As a result, their children would feel noticed and special. There is no single formula for how this might be accomplished. A father and child might play, talk, learn a skill or read together. What is important is that they notice each other and acknowledge a common interest. This type of undistracted attention promotes a sense that each is important to the other.

Fathers might also give their children a glimpse of their work world. Children want to know what life is like outside the home and what their parents do at work. Many farm families and small businesses include their children in the operation at an early age. Parents in other occupations may find it more difficult to give their children a glimpse of their work, but even brief visits or tours will help.

Business and industry are gradually beginning to acknowledge that many workers are parents too, and that adjustment in this role can have a positive effect on work performance. Some industries provide day care centers for children of their employees. Both mothers and fathers are able to visit their children during breaks.

Double Standard

A high school student who has already slept with 10 people enters a new school. What people will say about this person's sexual experiences depends on one factor: gender.
If this person is a male, he will be admired by his fellow males, and perhaps even desired by females. Guys will respect him and girls will be impressed by his experience. He is generally referred to as "the player."

However, if this person is a girl she will most likely be subjected to ridicule and disrespect by her peers. Males will try to use her, hoping that they can get her into bed, and females will despise her out of disgust, or in some cases, jealousy. She is generally referred to as "the slut."
"It's a huge double standard. If you're a guy and you sleep with everyone you're automatically cool. If you're a girl and you sleep with everyone you're automatically a slut," said Bianca Penaloza, a senior at Coral Gables High in South Miami.

This player vs. slut philosophy is familiar to most students, and although no one girl deserves to be treated cheaply, the media repeatedly emits messages that this dangerous double standard is correct and should not be challenged.

"What the media is trying to tell us is that if girls are 'bad' or sexually promiscuous it's OK to punish them," said Kim Walsh-Childers, a professor of journalism at the University of Florida who studies the portrayal of women in the media. "They're saying, 'we have no sympathy for you.' "

Although the media want women to be pure, they also want them to be sexy. Advertisements, television shows and movies often only feature overly thin, impossibly beautiful women to promote their product or program. In a 1986 study by Silverstein, Peterson, Perdue and Kelly, 69 percent of female television characters are thin and only 5 percent are overweight. These contradictory images leave some teenage girls confused about which path is the norm, and how each girl should behave.

Men translate only one message from the media: you are not cool if you don't have sex.
"I cannot think of one male hero or main character who is not sexually active," Walsh-Childers said. "Except if the character is a nerd. They want you to think that the only boys not having sex are the nerds who cannot get anyone to sleep with them."

Therefore, it is no wonder that men are praised for their sexual achievements. "Everybody has a fantasy about having all the girls, so other guys look up to guys who sleep around," said Bill Ferrara, senior at Gulf Breeze High .

Women still cannot win. With two pictures of how a woman should behave -- seductive or chaste - teenage girls are set up to feel shameful no matter which image they choose to mimic.
For example, Bill, the same teenager that just related that guys look up to the "player" figure in school, said, "Every guy wants a girl who's pure."

Kim Davis, a junior at Gulf Breeze High, said, "In school, people look down on girls who are considered trashy. But girls also get ragged on for being too much of a prude. Guys will say, 'Oh, why can't you just loosen up and have a little fun.'"

The 1996 slasher film parody, Scream, is a prime example of the attitudes towards women that people deem "slutty." Tatum, the provocative and sexually promiscuous best-friend character, is one of the first to be murdered by a pair of psychotic teenage killers.

As Randy, another Scream character points out, to survive a typical slasher movie a girl should never have sex. Only the virgin survives. This theme is also carried out through other horror movies like Halloween.

Meanwhile, the supposed Scream "good girl" survivor and virgin, Sidney, is a model of beauty and sexiness. Her dress is at times revealing and she fits the American beauty standard. She keeps her boyfriend in sexual frustration while never actually giving up her virginity.
Ironically, the same purity that women are expected to posses is also what potentially makes them unattractive and boring.

James Bond films also illustrate the difference between sexually active men and sexually active women. The plot of many Bond films center around the fact that he sleeps with six or seven different women throughout the film. "He is rewarded for this behavior, not punished," Walsh-Childers said.

The media also sends other double standards into the minds of women. When one pictures the physical appearance of the so-called perfect woman, there are not a great deal of physical characteristics to choose from, Walsh-Childers said. The media only sends women one type of woman to aspire to look like. They send the supermodel image; tall, thin, with flawless skin and hair.

Men, on the other hand, can look any number of ways and still fit into the male beauty standard because the media does not send audiences only one type of man, Walsh-Childers said. "There is a broader range of what is accepted to be a sex symbol as a male. You can be older, heavier, or bald."

Many young women believe older men such as Robert Redford, Sean Connery, and Richard Gere are viable sex symbols. It is not as common for men to find sexual appeal in older women.
Music videos are a very common place where women are objectified while men are heroes. In music videos by male artists, they depict a story which is commonly a male fantasy. In the video, the singer always gets the girl. Moreover, the women are not presented as much more than sexual objects. They are always willing and interested in sex, and that is the only function they serve. They never reject the male, "no matter how unattractive they are, no matter how much of a jerk they are," said Walsh-Childers.

Television has an enormous influence on men and women perceptions in society. In soap operas, the seductive women are often also the villains. The audience is drawn to be attracted to her, but at the same time, hate her for her enticing qualities. Other studies show that there are more employed male personas on television than there are women. The thoughts and ideas transmitted through television, movies, music videos and advertisements are designed to be easily soaked up by the minds of Americans everywhere, especially teens. Walsh-Childers said these double standards -- which have been blamed for damaging female self-esteem and self-image -- did not originate in the media, but the media reinforces them.

"Women are no longer going to have any self-esteem, which could lead to things like drugs and suicide. Girls may end up having sex for all the wrong reasons," said junior Krista Cole of Bloomingdale High School in Valrico.

Tips for a Good Husband and Wife Relationship

Human nature tends to let down it’s guard and act it’s worst around those who we are most familiar with. How you really are is the way you act towards others that you know the best - which are typically those of your own home.

The following are tips for husbands and wives that I have been working on in my own home, and I hope you find them helpful.

1. Always say please and thank you.

2. Never demand anything one of another, but ask kindly with respect - like you would from anyone else out side the home.

3. Husbands, you don’t own your wife, so don’t act like it. Don’t be bossy and overbearing and order them around like a slave. Support them as the physically weaker vessel (1Pet 3:7) and love them and give yourself for them like Christ gave himself for the church (Eph 5:25). Wives submit to your own husband in temporal matters as it is fitting in the Lord (Col 3:18), however, in spiritual matters Christ is your head not your husband. Men are not the head of women but husbands are the head of their wives (the relationship denotes the headship is concerning temporal matters). Christ is head of the Church (the relationship denotes Christ is the head of women concerning spiritual matters) and in Christ Jesus there is neither male or female (Gal 3:28).

4. Wives don’t nag your husbands. If they have been too busy to get something done that is important to you, and you have already asked them a number of times, try asking them after you have done something nice for them. Or ask if there is anything you can do to help them get started on their project. You will find this goes over much better then telling them “I have been asking for two months now to fix the leaking tap. When are you ever going to get this done? It is so hard to get you to do anything around here!”

5. Husband, thank your wife for each meal, when laundry is done and for how well your clothes have been folded, and when the home is cleaned and what a clean house she keeps. Wives, when you husband fixes something around the home thank him, and when he brings home his check tell him what a good provider he is.

6. Each day ask the other if there is anything you can do for them.

7. You both need to be patient with eachother’s weaknesses and faults. You should not make a practice of pointing out eachothers faults over and over. Remember that love will cover a multitude of faults. Deal with the other’s faults the way you want them to deal with yours.

8. Be always seeking what you can put into the marriage - not what you can get out of it. 9. Make a practice of trying to give into eachother when there are differences. That way when you really feel strong about something, your spouse will not have such a hard time giving into you.

10. Pray daily for each other and carry a burden for eachother’s spiritual welfare.

11. Have family devotions together each morning - even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes.

12. Keep a list of the things your spouse asks you to do on the cork board. When you spouse asks you to do something make sure you put it on your list and put a date beside it so you know how long it has been there. Cross off the items on the list as you do them. It is okay to offer to do something on your list if your spouse will do something on their list.

13. Never discuss each others past faults and mistakes in front of other people. While your spouse may laugh along with you and not say anything about it later, you may have hurt them deep down.

14. Don’t allow a disagreement to escalate into an argument and certainly not in public or in front of your children.

15. If you get into a charged disagreement with your spouse that digresses to a point where you are bringing up each others faults and failures, it is best to end the conversation with prayer and set a time to discuss the issue the following day. Before you enter into discussion you should lay some guidelines for resolving conflicts. You should also pray apart to make sure you have grace and then pray together before you start the discussion and ask God to give you both grace to conduct the discussion in a godly manner.

Baby's Little Smiles: Building a Relationship with Mom

23-10-08_1418
by chitot (He is my lovely son)

It’s probably not surprising that mothers excel at recognizing and interpreting the moods and emotions of their infants. Although infants can’t speak, mothers seem to know what their babies are thinking: they smile when their baby smiles and they frown when their baby is upset. Research suggests that the mother’s ability to understand the needs of her infant is very important for establishing a secure mother-infant relationship. However, the neural mechanisms that underlie these behaviors are poorly understood. Such knowledge is crucial for understanding normal as well as abusive and neglectful mothering.

Maternal Rewards
In recent years, several studies have been carried out using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to better understand how a mother’s brain responds to her own child’s cues. The most recent, led by neuroscientist Lane Strathearn and colleagues at Baylor College of Medicine, investigated what happens inside the brain of a mother when she looks at the facial expressions of her own infant. In the study, 28 first-time mothers were shown pictures of their seven-month old child that they had never seen before. (The pictures were taken when the mother was not present.) The pictures spanned a wide range of human emotion and included images of the child making happy, sad or neutral faces. These pictures were then matched with images of an unknown infant. The central finding was that seeing the happy face of the mother’s own infant activated all of the key areas in the brain associated with reward processing. These regions include the ventral tegmental area, substantia nigra and the striatum. This finding suggests that for mothers the sight of their smiling baby is a potent reward and represents a uniquely pleasurable experience. Furthermore, this neural response was graded, so that happy faces led to more activation than neutral faces. Sad faces generated the least activation. In other words, the response of mothers in their reward areas seemed to directly mirror the emotions the infant displayed. The argument put forth by Strathearn and colleagues is that maternal behavior is fundamentally rooted in these reward areas. Positive sensory cues from infants, such as a smiling facial expression, stimulate dopamine release and thus promote responsive maternal care. However, many questions remain. In their paper, Strathearn et al. do not discuss the significance of the orbitofrontal cortex, although its activity was clearly influenced in the experiment by seeing one’s own infant’s compared with an unknown infant. The importance of the orbitofrontal cortex shouldn’t be too surprising, as this brain area is believed to receive ascending dopamine projections from reward areas and is critical in representing the “value” of a reward. Other studies have also demonstrated that the orbitofrontal cortex is correlated with the positive feelings of the mother, suggesting that it plays a key role in modulating maternal behavior.

Is the Smile Enough?
This study also raises a more fundamental question: is the infant smile the most important element for motivating maternal behavior? It goes without saying that the smiling face of one’s own baby is highly rewarding and encourages maternal care. On the other hand, babies aren’t always smiling and mothers must also learn to respond to infants in distress. In fact, a human mother’s response to an infant in distress is a good indicator of how responsive she is to other infant cues. Studies also show that abusive and neglectful mothers show less empathy and more aversive feelings towards a crying infant when compared with nurturing mothers, suggesting that how a mother reacts to a baby when it’s upset and not smiling is a crucial test of maternal behavior.

According to our own recent work, the orbitofrontal cortex and striatum were more activated in the brain of a mother when she looked at her own infant compared with other infants regardless of the infant’s situation or mood. These brain areas also showed a greater activation when mothers were viewing their infant when he or she was crying (the distressed condition) as opposed to when he or she was happy (the play situation). This discovery makes sense, as a distressed baby might require more effort and thought as the mother must quickly identify the source of the distress and respond appropriately. Another reason to highlight the importance of the orbitofrontal cortex in guiding maternal behavior is that, in our experiment, the activity of this brain area showed a positive correlation not only with pleasurable feelings but also the anxious feelings experienced by the mother. Of course, these anxious feelings are important for maternal care, as anxiety and worry can be powerful motivators. Taken together, these findings suggest that maternal behavior is guided by elaborate and complex neural mechanisms. Although reward processing is clearly an important part of this mental process—it seems to mediate maternal love and feelings of joy—other mechanisms are required in order to explain the full range of the mother-infant relationship.

In conclusion, a smiling face of a mother’s own infant is certainly rewarding and it motivates maternal care, but this is not the only motivator. We hope that in the future other aspects of maternal behavior—such as the maternal desire to protect her infant, which is a biologically essential mechanism for preservation of the species—will get investigated and explored.

SOURCE: Scientific American

Faithfulness – the bedrock of marriage

I GET very perturbed by my friends who betray their spouse by getting involved in extramarital affairs.

Such a thing as having a fling is seldom heard of in the closely-knit rural communities in Sarawak. In Kuching city and large towns though, extramarital affairs are top on the topics of private conversations, especially when they involve prominent personalities.

Although I know some married women also engage in some extracurricular activities outside their marriage for various reasons, it seems to me that there are more men cheating on their wives than women on their husbands.

I have been observing this phenomenon in Kuching city coldly from the sideline of the social scene for years.

Usually, successful married businessmen in their approaching middle age are most susceptible to the seduction of wily younger women. Perhaps they just want to make up for the indulgences of their youth which they had denied themselves in their struggle in the business world. Perhaps, having a mistress is a status symbol. Many will use the excuse that their wife does not treat them well at home.

One day quite a few years ago, I was taken aback when the girl nicknamed Adif told me about her latest boyfriend, a married man who went by the initial MK. Adif was 24, plump, and apparently attractive to a lot of men with roving eyes. After she failed Form Five, she had never held down a steady job. Yet she was a constant guest at many of the entertainment outlets in Kuching city. How she managed to live the good life was anybody’s guess.

This new boyfriend was very nice to her, setting up a small business for her, buying her a set of new furniture for her house in Petra Jaya, and a new car even for her pleasure.

In the two years of their clandestine relationship that I knew of, they had vicious fights like all couples. Inevitably, the man would pine for her, and begged for her forgiveness. Then, they would make up with him buying her more gifts and taking her out to posh entertainment places.

One Hari Raya day, this man invited all his friends in a group to his open house for a festive visit. Adif and I were present too.

It was a large house in Petra Jaya, with a front yard that could accommodate 10 cars at least. The lady of the house came to welcome the guests, and served them food and drink, and entertained them with small talk.

It was the first time that I met our hostess. She was still very attractive, and although she had had 3 or 4 children, she still had the figure that was the envy of many women. She was well educated, had a professional job of her own, and could speak good English. Her social grace and good breeding exuded in the way she received her visitors.

She was obviously not aware that the competitor for her husband’s love was present, even when Adif was very uncomfortable and fidgeted with her mobile phone all the time like a sulking teenager.

The surreal cruelty of the mundane Hari Raya scene suddenly struck at a deep chord in my heart.

Obviously, MK’s wife was such a nice wife that would make any man happy. She was many times the better mate than Adif, in looks, in her fashion sense, in carriage, in social stature, and in refinement of character.

Why would her husband betray her?

Then I began to imagine her anguish, her pain, and her disappointment when she eventually found out her husband’s extramarital affair. (The wife always does in the end, one way or another.) My experience with observing this distasteful business is that the wronged wife will lose a great deal of weight in the ensuring fits of dark depression.

Then I also started to imagine the sense of isolation, dejectedness, and resentment to be felt by the children, as their happy universe began to collapse from the constant fights between their parents. A wall would descend between them and their father for life.

Inevitably, there would be an excruciating protracted legal process leading to a divorce. Nobody would come out a winner.

These dark thoughts went through my mind as I sat there in my guilt and misery. My hostess was especially friendly to me, as if she wanted to ask me something. If she asked, I would have told her the truth.

After that day, I distanced myself from any girl like Adif and her illicit beau. It was a bad scene best to be avoided. I have not heard of them since.

To some people, secret extramarital affairs may be exciting and glamorous, because the forbidden fruit is always seductive from the time of Adam and Eve.

But my advice to myself and to all of you ladies and gentlemen out there is

this: Don’t ever do it. It is not worth the pain afterwards. Above all, it hurts too many innocent people whom you really love. Source HERE