When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a

When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a

Being a bitch
means I won't
compromise what's

in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be
who I
truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is
wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty
I hold within me. You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.
I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Love, they say it's patient
Love, they say it's kind
It sees beyond others fault
For they say love is blind...

Somebody emailed this to my hubby. Let's read and share.


Relationship Comparison Syndrome

Why trying to compete with other couples is bad news for your love life?

If you could choose to be part of any celebrity duo, which one would be top of your list? Heath and Michelle? Nicole and Keith? Cameron and Justin? Be honest - you've thought about what it would be like - we all have and that's cool because we know there's no way we will ever be running with the Paris or Angelina crowd. But it's an altogether different story if you're comparing yourself to the couples on your social radar. By constantly noting how boyfriend's behaviour compares with other's boyfriend's, whether or not you hold hands as often as other couples or get a good enough bithday present compared with your bestie, you're setting youself up for plenty of relationship dissatisfaction and bedroom fights.

"Trying to jugde how good, strong, loving or committed your own relationship is by weighing it up against couples around you is a big mistake," says relationship counselor, Taylor Ferguson. "It puts you into a head space where you are likely to look for the negatives rather than the positives. How a relationship appears on the outside is no indication of what it's really like. For example, a couple who can't keep their in public may fight lots at home or have a great sex life but very poor communication about other issues."

1."They have sex three times a week or more - what's wrong with us?"
You ring and your girlfriend answer the phone giggling and saying she can't talk because they're busy getting their gear off or you meet them for dinner and they keep nuzzling and nibbling each other's ears. These two just can't keep their hands off each other and they make a point of letting everyone know it. On one hand, it makes your skin crawl and sometimes you feel like rolling your eyes and saying, "would you two just get a hotel room?"

On the other hand, their hot sex life makes you feel both envious and inadequate. You wouldn't mind it if your boyfriend desired you that much and you keep telling them so. But because he doesn't, you figure your sex life is somewhat under par.

The big picture: When a couple seem hell-bent on letting everyone know they make lovelike rabbits, you've got to ask yourself, what are they trying to prove? Could be they're trying to impress upon each other that the relationship is strong because in reality it's not terribly solid on the communication side.

"To feel secure in a relationship, both partners need to feel that they are loved and valued for who they are not just how much they put out or how great they look when they're naked," says Ferguson. "If the communication connection is as solid as the sexual connection then obviously it's a win-win situation, but often when there is an overwhelming focus sex, other aspects of the relationship are ignored and when the passion dies down - which is usually does in a few months or years - then the couple may struggle to stay together because their romance has been built on sex rather than true intimacy.

2."He's asked her to move in with him, why aren't we doing that yet?"
When you heard the news that your best friend was moving in with her boyfriend even though they've only been dating for a few months, you felt like you'd been kicked in the stomach. Secretly you've been hoping that your guy will make the suggestion but he shows no sign of wanting to take your relationship to that next level of commitment.

He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

3."They do more together than we do"
He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

4."How come we fight more than they do?"
Sometime when you out with other couples you worry that you look more like sparring partners than lovers. You argue on your way to a party because he didn't listen and took the wrong turn, they don't talk for the rest of the night or disagree in the middle of the dinner because he makes a joke that you're pre-menstrual and you hit back with complaints about his behaviour of late.

Meanwhile, the others couple are trying to pretend they're not noticing your public slanging matches. So what is it? How come they all manage to sort thing out without raising their voices while you two seem to always be at each other's throats?

The big picture: Firstly, if you are fighting a lot it might be a good idea to go to some couple's counseling or to both agree to try to take less confrontational approaches to dealing with problems in your relationship. Don't pressure It can lead you to discuss things that are bothering you and sort them out. When couples don't fight it can be because they are ultra compatible, but it could also indicate some issues that you really wouldn't want to have in your relationship.

According to Joan Gibson, couples counselor: "These may include a power imbalance - where one partner dominates all the decisions and the other feels so overwhelmed they've given up even trying to fight back. Or it could indicate a romance that's in a rut - and both partners are so jaded about the poor state of their relationship that they couldn't even be bothered on working to improve it anymore."

5."she got such a special birthday present from her boyfriend and I only got a bunch of flower.

So your boyfriend got you a CD for your 25th and you've just been out for your bestie's birthday and her man got her an antique lace shawl. As you watched her open the pressie you felt tears well in your eyes and realised how disappointed you still felt about how little thought he put into your gift. The minute you arrived home you picked a fight with him about it - accusing him of not making enough effort and always taking the slacker approach to things that should be special between you.

The big picture: Okay - so some guys are hopeless with gifts and either get the wrong kind of thing completely or buy something lame that they've clearly put no thought or time into. But the material things he buys you like flowers or jewellery - though nice to have - are not the only way you should measure the strenght of your relationship.

"Maybe your boyfriend is not that good with choosing feminine things to give you but makes up for this in other ways - by showing you how he feels," says Mallory. " If he's not gett5ing you exciting gifts but he shows his love in other ways by making you breakfast in bed or calling you during the day to say h's thinking of you, then in the scheme of things, a less-than-perfect birthday present really isn't that important. It's when you are not getting the TLC or the decent gifts that you have valid reason to complain."


Dumped? The Real Reasons He Did It

Remark: Repost do to some of error..
Want to know why he broke it off with you? Stop ripping yourself to shreds and turn the spotlight on HIS commitment issues.

He says “We need to talk” so you suspect something is up and you’re prepared to work through the problem. Instead he just blurts out “it’s over” and you’re so shocked. You can barely breathe. After breaking your heart he trots out all the usual lines: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “This isn’t working”, “I’m not good enough for you”. “I never meant to hurt you”, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” and he even says “I’ll call you sometimes” before you sprint from the rules, barely holding back the floods of tears. But once you get back to your flat/car/girlfriend’s place you suddenly realize he hasn’t really been straight with you at all.

After all the time, energy and tenderness you gave to the relationship it has just imploded and you have no real idea why. Before you beat yourself up for being a total failure in love – go through his behaviour with a fine-toothed comb. There are only a few reasons why men dump women and most of them indicate his emotional issue, not yours:

1. He’s looking for the ideal woman.
And you’re not her – but don’t feel unworthy-no women could ever measure up to his unrealistic ideal. He’s ultimate partner has Angelina Jolie’s lips, Elle Macpherson’s breasts, Jennifer Aniston’s figure, a face like Catherine Zeta-Jones, the intelligent and talent of a Cate Blanchett and a sense of humor to match whoopi Goldberg’s. Obviously, he’s never going to find someone to fit this bill but he enters each relationship with this unhelpful wishlist in his head.

“When it comes to romance, women tend to take a positive approach, focusing on their partner’s good looks or his sensitivity and projecting ahead to how romantic their future together could be,” says psychologist Danita Sykes. “The glow of these rose-colored glasses often helps to gloss over their partner’s less appealing qualities such as a bad temper or tendency to flirt. But as a relationship develops men may come to take their girlfriend’s appealing traits for granted and be more preoccupied with the ways their partner doesn’t meet their needs. They think the women of their dreams should be close to perfect. So if she doesn’t shared his love of the arts or doesn’t cook as well as he does, he may worry that this is a sign she’s not really the right partner for him.”

The upshot? Believe him when he says “it’s not you, it’s me”-any person who keeps up a misguided quest for total perfection in a partner is setting themselves up to never find true love. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t recognize the special and unique qualities that make you such a great catch. “You’d be much better off with a men who is more emotionally evolved and mature,” Sykes points out.

2. He’s lazy in love.

Everything was peachy when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship – you hung n each other’s every word and couldn’t wait to get home to be together. But now, you’ve been together a while you’re encountering a few hiccoughs - having a negotiate errands, not always wanting sex at the same time arguing about everything from what tv programme you should watch to whether or not he should call when he’s only running half an hour late.

For him, doing any kind of emotional house work in a relationship is to much hard work and the minute these kind of day-to-day problems arise he always does a runner. “I see lots of men who just bail out the minute there is any kind of issue to be solved in their romantic life,” says Sykes. Some “ men mistakenly see differences of opinion as a sign that the two of you a just not compatible instead of realizing that every relationship requires a little work, and a lot of communication and compromise if it is to deepen an last.”

3. He met someone else.

This one hurts because he's unlikely to be upfront about the real reasons for the break. So you nurse your broken heart and try to save face in front of all yours friends by repeating hi exit line " I'm not ready to settle down" or " I need some time on my own". Next thing you hear on the grapevine, that he's not only launched himself back on the singles scene but he went straight from spiting up with you to asking another woman to go steady. Does she look like Cameron Diaz? Is he better than you in bed? What do you care? Be grateful - he's obviously got a roving eyes which means that down the track he might have been unfaithful or been a serial flirt. He's done you a big favour - now you can find a guy worthy of your trust.

4. He’s afraid of commitment.

5. He’s still in love with his ex.

6. He’s from a different world.

7. He’s been scared off.


Don't CRY Get Even!

He left you for his colleague. Don't quietly seethe yourself into an ulcer. It's time for revenge.
It happens when you lift the last tissue fro your sixth box of Kleenex. The sobbing stops and the "My life's going to be hell without him" turns to "I'm going to make his life hell".

You stop crying every time you pass that restaurant and start plotting instead. The thought of his boss telling him off makes you smile. Horrid, vivid fantasies involving buses and trains haunt you. Not that you wish him ill of course, an uncomfortable injury will do. You wouldn't want him back if he begged you on bended knee - but you'd give anything to be able to say "Stick it, sweetheart". To have revenge at last.

There's something about being told "I don't love you anymore" that make us forget we wore pink when we were little because girls are nice, understanding, forgiving, and sympathetic. Bugger nice. It didn't get us anywhere, did it? Besides it's much more useful to feel angry than sad.

Anger is energy - it gives us the strength to perform the tasks an average revenge-seeking female faces in her day, like ripping car doors of. Sadness does nothing but ruin your mascara. Anger gives us the courage to make utter fools of ourselves - and not care a hoot.

Revenge is very good for you. Let all the anger fester inside and you'll end up with stomach ulcers. So here, for the recently trodden on, the Rule Of Revenge.

RULE ONE. Be original. Do it with style. Revenge should be dramatic and flamboyant - something people will talk about at the next dozen inner parties. If you're going to fling champagne, make sure it's Dom Perignon. If you're going to slap him accross the face, do it when he's making a speech at his company's Christmas party.

RULE TWO. Aim for the weak spots. Everyone has an Achilles heel. The man who prides himself of being the best-looking boy in the block will be suitably devastated if he see you hanging off the arm of the hottest male.

RULE THREE. Never destroy anything that can't be replaced - like photographs of his deceased mother, a Ming vase or limbs he may need later. A friend of a friend reputedly placed all her boyfriend's treasured books in the bath and kindly washed them for him. This is not OK: those books were first editions.

RULE FOUR: Keep a sense of humor. I know of one girl who enlisted the help of her pet's (use your imagination!), placed the result lovingly in layers of tissues and presented in a beautiful box. she wrapped the gift in paper printed with "I hate you" a millions times over - so even the postman knew the victim wasn't popular.

RULE FIVE: Living well is the best revenge. We all know the ultimate putdown is to do absolutely nothing. Be seen around town looking fabulous, a radiant smile n your face, a happy spring to your step. People - including your ex -will think the break-up was a mere hiccup in your busy life. And let's face it - isn't this more often the case?

What say you girls?


Memory Callengers..

Many lifestyle factors can have a significant "memory zapping" effect on your brain:

Alcohol: Interferes with short-term memory and damages little branches in the brain called dendrites, which pass on messages between brain cells.

Insomnia: Lack of sleep reduces our ability to retrieve memories while sleep deprivation can leave you feeling forgetful the next day.

Smoking: Limits the amount of oxygen and bloodflow to the brain

Stress: The "fight or flight" response that we have when stressed, uses up energy leaving less circulating blood sugar to fuel your brain resulting in a loss of clarity and focus.

Some medications: Pills such as tranquillizers, muscle relaxants, sleeping pills, high blood pressure medication and antidepressants, can contribute to fuzzy thinking or cause some loss of memory capacity in some people.


Network Like a PRO!

Who you meet today may just help boost your career tomorrow. So as you expand your address book, file these networking tips in:

DON'T BE SHY, BE CURIOUS. Beat shyness by being genuinely interested in someone. The conversation will flow better and naturally. Do ask others open ended questions which encourage conversation - most people love talking about themselves.

BE SINCERE. Networking isn't for short-term gain so ditch the impatient "what's in it for me" attitude. No one likes insincerity, plus it's easy to spot.

CASUAL CONTACT. Approach others casually with light topics before touching on more serious business-like topics. Never hit a social scene with your entire sales kit hoping to kill two birds with one stones.

KEEP IN TOUCH. Show appreciation with newfound and existing contacts by sending cheery greeting and messages during festivals and holidays. A simple thank you e-mail works well to keep in touch if your contacts have helped you in any small way.

GET OUT OF FAMILIAR CLIQUES. It's much easier to stick with people who you already know. However, make the best of social or work events to expand your horizons. After all, your friends were once people you didn't know too. Say a quick hello to them and then go forth to make a new contacts.


HEALTH HAZARD You can Stop Stressing about..

Newspapers print so many scary headlines these days, we're not even sure we can drink water without contracting cancer. But should we believe them all? Read on and find out.

FACT: Salt can cause strokes
Let's face it, dousing our food with salt is almost as Malaysian bad traffic. But with a majority of the population consuming double the recommended daily amount of salt - that's 6g per day - does our sprinkling addiction mean we're risking our health? The answer's YES, according to reports that claim too much salt can cause strokes. So should we eat our fries au naturel?

"Well, salt is one of the risk factors that contribute to high blood pressure, which can increase your risk of developing heart disease or having a stroke," says Claire Williams, a nutrition scientist. "The real problem is that salt's hidden in almost all processed foods - from biscuits to ready meals to tomato sauce." So always check the salt content on food labels, and avoid adding more when you're cooking. But don't worry, just because you're in salt rehab doesn't mean you have to go cold turkey or chicken with the pepper!

FICTION: Oh yes, milk gives you cancer too..
After years of glugging litres of the white stuff to what off brittles bones, recent stories claimed that milk had joined the long list of carcinogens, which got us all confused. According to reports, one glass a day - the equivalent of the amount of milk found in regular latte - can double the risk of developing ovarian tumors. So should dairy be struck off the menu?

"Not at all," says Williams. This study, by scientists at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, is one of a number being carried out to investigate the possible cause of ovarian cancer. But so far they haven't been able to prove that drinking milk causes the disease." So why all the fuss?

"The study showed an association between milk and ovarian cancer, which basically means the women they tested drank a lot of milk had developed ovarian cancer," says Williams. "But that doesn't mean milk caused the cancer." But before you lay off the lattes to be on the safe side remember that, according to health experts, milk's still a great source of calcium and other essential nutrients, like Omega-3, all of which help keep your heart healthy and protect against breast and colon cancer.

FACT: Heart disease is the biggest killer out there..
Getting breast cancer used to be most women's Number One fear, especially with celebs like Anastacia and Kylie Minoque proving it can strike young. But then we were told there's a far bigger threat out there - heart disease. So would we really be more worried about that? "Truth is, women are four times more likely to die of heart disease than of breast cancer. But the good news is you can easily reduce the risk by sticking a healthy diet, exercising for 30 minutes at lease three times a week, and staying within the recommended weight limit for your height. High blood pressure and high cholesterol are also factors, so get your GP to check you over. And learn to relax!" says Dr Sarah Brewer, author of The Ultimate Stress Buster.

FICTION: Deodorant can cause breast cancer
No one wants to ruin their best dress with sweat patches, but reports linking chemicals used in deodorants - like aluminum - to breast cancer left us with a dilemma. Are we really risking our health by rolling on? Relax: The best medical evidence suggest not.

"The only scientific study that's looked directly at this question, conducted by the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Centre in Seattle, did not find any association between anti-perspirant use and a risk of breast cancer," says Dr Tim Key from Cancer Research UK. So why the panic? Well, another study found a higher incidence of breast cancer near the underarm, which led to people jumping to the conclusion that deodorant was to blame. But it's never been proved!



HURT Alert!

Don't set yourself up to be hurt in your next relationship. Minimise the chances of a romance ending badly by:
Trusting your intuition: If the guy you're seeing is a serial flirt or has a tendency to talk only about himself, don't ignore it - take a walk now before you get into deep.

Taking your time: Don't rush into having sex or revealing your entire life history to a guy you've just met - wait until you know each other much better - then you can be sure he deserves to have this level of intimacy with you.

Being honest: Once you've been together for a few months, make it clear that you're not in the market for a fling - and ask him how he feels about that. If he runs a mile you'll immediately know there was no future in the relationship anyway.

Giving him space: Resist the temptation to smother him in an effort to make the relationship work. Be cool about giving him his space - and he won't get scared off due to a fear that you're trying to take over his life.

Keeping quiet about past disasters in love: Don't tell him that you've been dumped a millions times - it will encourage him to see you as a victim and he may start to treat you like one. Wait until you've been together in a committed relationship for quite some time before you open up about those previous ill-fated romances.

Seeing yourself: Avoid pretending you're someone you're not just to please him - eventually when yours true colors show there's a chance he will either feel irritated that you were not being straight with him or will feel he can't trust you and break off the relationship.


Exercising and intimacy..

If good health isn't a good enough reason to exercise, what about improving your sex life? Recent studies have found a direct correlation between physical inactivity and a lack of potency. Here's what you'll need to get the most out of your sex life.
For exciting and and enthusiastic sex,
you'll need cardio endurance since it won't be any fun if you bonk out halfway through. Do three or four days of cardio activity like running, walking, swimming or whatever floats your boat and your partner will thank you for it.

Sex also requires a little muscular stamina.
You may find yourself holding unusual positions for short periods of time, so conditioning your body can be a plus for loger-lasting sex. For endurance, you'll need to lift lighter weights for more repetitions.

Flexibility can enhance anyone's sex life
by making it a bit easier to get into your favorite position with a minimum of fuss. Why not try a little yoga to get you in the mood.

Exercise, along with a healthy diet,
and adequate sleep can boost your libido so you're up for anything! Also, don't forget that sex burns calories!

Online JOB Scam alert!

Looking for a job online? Beware of scam artists who are now posting phoney recruitment ads on reputable job search sites to get your MONEY or your IDENTITY. Heed these red flags:

Requires money upfront. Unless you're starting your own business, you should not have to invest any money on a job. Also don't give out any personal financial details over the phone or via email. Scammers will sometimes try to get your info as soon as you respond to their ads. One tactic is requiring direct deposit into upfront. An employers need your time and skills, not your money.

Makes outrageous claims. Don't bother with ads that offer high income for little or no experience. For example, $2000 per week to fill envelopes is a sure scam. A legit employer aims to narrow responses by detailing requisite skills and experience.

Contact is a public email. Avoid job ads that list contact under free account like Yahoo! or Hotmail. These services can be used anonymously which is what scam artistes prefer. If you get a respond by phone, never give out personal or financial details. An employer can find more about you during an interview. If the representative pressures you to do business over the phone, refuse and hang up.


6 signs he's bored with you in bed..

>>A certain day of the week means it's time to do IT.

>> The positions never vary.

>> Ditto locations.

>> He closes his eyes more than he used to as he's no longer getting off on the visuals. Instead, he's using his imagination and you probably ain't in it.

>> He now waits until the end of TV shows t make his move.

>> He no longer looks that upset when you're not in the mood.

CAREER COACH: Business Babble

Understanding corporate-speak can feel a little like learning a foreign language. Here are some common phrase you should know:

Core competency: The thing or the organization are good at.

Disconnect: A misunderstanding or breakdown in communication.

Drill down: Get more information and elaborate on the details.

Smell test: Looking into an idea or product to see it really does have good potential.

I'm crashing and burning: I'm busy

We need more headcount: More people are needed to get the job done.

Brain dump: Getting down information that's in your head - whether to handover a job to someone or brainstorm for new ideas.

Value-add: The idea or product or person is a good thing for the company.

Up-selling: Selling something to a client or customer that they don't really need.

Take it off-line: Talk amongst yourself about it later.

Low-hanging fruits: Easy openings or opportunities for new business.

Cubicled: To get demoted

Circle back: Get back to me.

Drink from the fire-host: To learn as much as possible about the subject in only a short period of time (this used to be called "getting up to speed")


Cash$Career: Super Saver!

If your check-out sum at the grocery takes too big a bite out of your pocket, try these cost-effective shopping list.

A hungry shopper is greedy shopper, dashing through supermarket food isles grabbing anything in sight that looks good enough to pacify their hunger at the moment. More often then not, you end up buying things you end up not eating. So shop when your tum not growling.

MAKE A LIST. The tried-and-true practice of coming up with a shopping list is never overrated. Here's how to go about it: Decide on a realistic budget and make a list, a long one if you will. Go through it again, then slash out whatever you can do without.

LEARNS TO COOK QUICK AND EASY MEALS. Cooking at home is definitely cheaper, but most of us don't have the time to do it. If your definition of a home-cooked meal is instant noodles or sachet soup, it's time you learned to whip up easy-to-prepare proper meals. Just browse the shelves of a bookstore and you'll find plenty of cookbooks to inspire you.

BUY EGGS. Eggs last longer than veggies, are cheaper than meat and packed with vitamins, Plus they're versatile enough to make great meals for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even dessert!

IT'S OFFICIALLY: Money Makes People Selfish!

Researchers at the Carlson School Of Management at the University of Minnesota found that when money is around, people are more motivated towards achieving theirs goals and become less cooperative. The concept of money, they suggest, makes a person feel more self-sufficient and thus more apt to stand alone.

In one experiment, subjects exposed to concept of money via a word puzzle task were later less helpful to a person in need. "The mere present of money changes people," comments Kathleen Vohs, the leader of the study. Exposure to the money, or concept of the money, elevates a sense of self-sufficiency. People don't want to be a burden on others."

According to the results of the study, pictures of money, a tip lying on the table, thinking about your holiday bonus - all of these make people behave self-sufficiently. The results also indicate that these people also work longer before asking for help, are less helpful to the others, and prefer to play and work alone.

In addition, people who are exposed to the concept of the money can even put more physical distance between themselves and a new acquaintance compared to people who are not reminded of money.

All this may explain why the topic of money can seriously affect relationships between friends and lovers. As long as people want to be self-centered, there is little room for sharing or giving others.

"It's not malicious," says Vohs. "People are focused on their own goals -but unfortunately not others."


Why Money and Friendships DO NOT MiX?

You have your money and you friend,
You loan your money to your friend,
You ask your money from your friend,
You lose your money and your friend

Need a quick way to end a friendship? Just ask her for a loan! Many a long friendship has ended because of money, but how can you avoid it?

When it comes to money, everyone's got problems. There is just too little of the nasty stuff to go around - no matter how much we have, we always seem to be able to find new, creative ways of spending it all and needing more. Make no mistake about it: money can corrupt and ruin everything it touches.. including friendships.

Money does not care whether you are a borrower or lender, a buyer or a seller, a giver or a taker - as long as you need it (and who does not?), you are corruptible.

This doesn't make you a mean person, just human. As a lender, you hate having to ask for your money back; as a borrower, you feel ashamed for being unable to repay it. Either way, bad blood has come into the friendship.. and thus the problems begin. Money and friendships simply do not mix.

What's it worth?
We like to equate the strength of our friendships with whether or not we can freely lend money to each other, and we are often wrong. We underestimate how important money is to other people. We think that our needs, our "emergencies", are more important than theirs.. which, whilst sounding selfish, is also completely true.

A good friendship is worth a lot. The question you need to ask yourself before lending or borrowing money is, "How valuable Is The Friendship To You?"

If it is worth more than the money being ask for, then don't give or take the money. Your friendship will survive. And so you.



Watch out these pitfalls of single life before they ruin you!
Alcohol-induced dating

If you find the only way you can feel good about being on a date with someone new is by having two - or five - glasses of wine, beware: You may get his body for a few nights, but you'll never capture his heart. You'll dive to the bottom of your next chardonnay in search of an answer to your loneliness, and before you know it, you'll find you don't want a man after all - a bottle of red wine is what you'll need.

Gift splurges
If your credit card statement says you're spending too much on fancy ties, cufflinks and gadgets, it's probably right.. especially if they are all for someone else. There is wisdom in The Beatles' advice: "Money Can't Buy Me Love."

If he's on drugs and wants you to "share the fun", that's an invitation to madness. Drugs are one-way road to misery, no matter how euphoric that first communal companionship is.

Free SEX
Sharing your bed with an unreasonable number of men runs you the risk of contracting all kind of horrible sexually-transmitted diseases (STD), not to mention earning you the labels "Free Sex Here!" on your forehead. Make love responsibly, and you'll be love and return.

Misery love company
How's your circle of friends? If you find that your best pals are all losers, it may be because all of you share this in common: A fear of loneliness. Break away from this group, even if it means losing all your friends and starting over, because they never let you move forward alone.



Desperately SINGLE!

It may be fun being single. But when loneliness lurks beneath the surface, that fun could easily be misery in disguise. Can singlehood destroy you?

When Jane decided to hook up with Kenneth, it was not love that was on her mind. It wasn't money, either. Nor fame, nor sympathy, nor babies.

No. Jane's motive was a lot more primal: Fear. What made up her mind was the numbing terror spending another night alone, even if it was in someone's else bed with his sweet, tuneless snoring for a lullaby. She has come to dread loneliness so much that she has agreed to move in with Kenneth in spite of his alcoholic tendencies.. and because he'd said "yes" when she proposed the idea a couple nights ago.

"What Kenneth and I have is special, but I don't think it's love," elaborates Jane, who is celebrating her third week as Kenneth's girlfriend in the usual way: Binge drinking. I'd say it's an understanding." She winks confidentially at me, then turns to do Macarena with her new boyfriend. Later, she may talk more. But now, she simply says, she want to forget. Forget love, forget life, forget singlehod.

Unhappy singlehood.
Jane's life before Kenneth was not all different from what it is now, typical of the lives of any number of other single women on the planet Venus: Work Mondays to Fridays, party, wake up with a stranger on Saturday morning, go to a movie on Sunday and start all over again on Monday.

She has a regular job, she dates, she has sex, and she has a social life and family. Every now and then, she disappears for a couple of weeks on vacation - sometimes alone sometimes with friends and returns refresh and tanned. Her normalcy can be defined by her Sunday laundry: Sensible cotton underwear, decent blouses and skirts, loose T-shirts and, occasionally, a racy mini-dress. Independent, aggressive and feminine, she embodies the woman of the 21st century.

And Jane wants love. She has a formula for it, too - the same she used on Kenneth - which she was happy to share for this interview: "The easiest way to get a man interested in you is to lock heels with him," she claims. "Until then, he's about as interested in you as a baby is in pureed spinach.. unless you are Angelina Jolie, of course."

Jane is no looker, it must be admitted, but she's no hunchback of Notre Dame. With her slim hips, her formula is probably infallible at getting her sex. But I have reservations about whether it actually finds her "love". Kenneth is living proof of that.

What is it that drives women and men to take such desperate measures to get hitched? It seems that the stakes are higher these days, and the asking price for decent dates has gone up. Competition is stiff. To attract even a mediocre representative of the opposite sex, you have got to be above average yourself.

That is the only way to stand out in a crowded marketplace full of single Asian women asking - begging! - for Mr. Right. And with so many of the men looking for theirs Ms Rights at the same time, it's no wonder that formula like Jane's work so well: in this chaotic match-market, love, no matter how fleeting (and in the bedroom it always is), comes a welcome relief from the stresses of looking, of finding and of disappointment. There is little time and opportunity to waste on uncomfortable "get to know you" phones call and lunches punctuated with periods of silence. For late-20something desperados like Jane, the acid test of compatibility is "Do we come together?"

Men, of course, figure differently. "Locking heels" would probably earn them a police arrest rather than a litmus test in bed, so they earn the approbation of women by buying them flowers, expensive chocolates and, in the worst cases, jewelery. What is sad about this practice is that it can go on for long time - at no expense to the woman, of course - and still mean e sleeps alone again with nothing but his right hand for company.

Tony, a 33-years-old entrepreneur, has an on-going relationship with an air stewardess. He estimates that he has already spent about RM80,000 on gift, clothes and holidays on her. His presents so far have included Gucci handbags, Lazare diamond jewelery and a trip to Disneyland. But he knows the score better than anyone: "As long as I gave her what she wants, she will love me. If the money runs out, so will her lov."

Will she marry him? Maybe.. If she tires soon of her life flying around the world and serving coffee to grumpy old men. If another man comes along who can offer more than Tony - the life of the truly rich and fabulous, say - maybe not. But for Tony, money-purchased love is better than the haunting loneliness he used to be familiar with.

"I used to hire prostitutes to ease my loneliness," says Tony grimly. "Two at a time, if I felt like it. Do I want to do that again? No way. No matter how artificial, Michelle is at least a partner to me." Of love, Tony has precious little to offer. "Love is unpredictable," he says. With Michelle, at least I know what I need to do to make her stay. Better that than being alone."

Of happiness..
Jane, sweaty but happy, orders another drink. I ask her about love. And about happiness. "Happiness is temporary, but can be easily acquired," says Jane after a long draught from her Pilsner. "True love is probably permanent, but you cannot find it."

Lonely people need the presence of others in their lives to make themselves feel "whole". Their life are typified by their need for constant contact people: Needing someone to launch with everyday, needing housemates to return home to, needing colleagues to bitch to, needing someone to call when they're driving home. As they grow olders, their circle of acquaintances narrows - their friends get married, move away or die. Eventually, they face the possibility of being alone for the rest of theirs lives, and that's when the aloneness gets really terrifying.

At first, they may play by the rules: Keep your pants on but keep your mind open. Play the "respectable"circuits - networking events, clubs, blind dates. But as their fear of that loneliness grows, so does their desperation. Eventually, they take reckless risk with their lives in an effort to win companionship. For the desperate singleton, communal happiness is only drink, a puff or a shag away. And, for as long as its effects last, they are lonely no more.

They have a relationship based on alcohol or drugs or sex that last a few hours, may be even a few weeks. And during that time, they are happy, they are whole. When the nagging pre monition that the other person will leave turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, they are lonely again. But that's okay, because it only take a drink, a puff or a shag to hook up with someone new.

That, in a nutshell, sums it all up. Jane, with sass in her eyes and mischief on her mind, leans on the arm of an expatriate at the bar, her boyfriend forgotten for the moment. Perhaps Kenneth has his own story to tell. Perhaps he too, like Jane, is terrified being alone, and just now found his joyful respite in a bottle whisky on the floor of the men's room. Perhaps the American man whose attention she now commands has a story about loneliness too. May be we all have a story about loneliness, and how it come to "get" us one night. Maybe while most of us manage to find a cure for that loneliness before it overwhelms our lives and our senses. Desperate singletons are robbed of their reason and would rather have temporary happiness at many cost then be faced with their loneliness again.

.... and of love
"Am I not loveable?" Jane slur to me. I don't know how to answer. At the moment, certainly not: but maybe if she were sober, I'd have a better idea. "See? It's just like I said: Love does not come easy.. especially to me," says Jane, taking me hesitancy as my answer. ( As I write this the next day, I realise the truly sad part about this moment: I don't think she was far from the truth - she isn't loveable at all.) Yet for now, Jane is happy. As is her boyfriend - wherever he is - and the raucous American who is currently enjoying her company. To judge from this examples, it'd seem that Jane is right: Happiness may be temporary... but at lease it's easy to come by.

But if love were most readily available, would it be easier for someone to love Jane? Kenneth? Tony? A hundred million other singletons around the world who will go to sleep tonight feeling unlove, lonely and incomplete? The picture as Jane paints is for this story it is decidedly gloomy. But it must be said that if love did come looking for her, she'd not be ready for it. In the face of her bleak wisdom, love would flee.

It may be patient and it may be kind, but love is not foolish! It will go to people who are ready to appreciate love for what it is: Passionate, capricious, joyous and beautiful. And because there are no guarantee love will last, the same people must prepared for the possibility of being alone again if it does not work out - and to deal with that loneliness constructively. Yet for every Unloveable Jane who leads a miserable single life, they are at least a hundred other loveable women who are satisfied with singlehood, and who are ready for love should it come knocking. Question is, are you of them?

Thanks My Lord for what I have. God's love is forever!


5 Ways To Save On Campus

1. Create a budget. To be fiscally fit track your expenses and income. Set aside something for emergencies and if you know you need some money for entertainment, be it a CD or the occasional movie, factor in it to avoid nasty surprise.

2. Buy in bulk. If you're sharing a place with friends, try buying household items such as detergent, dish-washing liquid or rice in bulk from low-price hypermarkets.

3. Buy used book. If you can get used books from seniors who've completed the course so much the better! Alternatively, check out book prices online, it could be lower than what the bookstores offer. If you divvy up the freight charges with a group of friends, it could be worth your while.

4. Don't drive. A car is no doubt convenient but maintaining a vehicle is expensive. Besides petrol and parking, you need to set aside funds for insurance, road tax, regular service appointments as well as repairs should it become necessary.

5. Smart spending equals savings. Stock your wardrobe with basic and update them with key items from the latest trends or hit the boutiques during end-of-session sales. Do your research to see what or when certain cafes, cinemas or even restaurants offer student discounts and patronise this outlets to save.


4 THINGS Never To Tease A Guy About

This brave male explains which subjects are most scared to men.

Let's set one thing straight: You can tease me about the way I dress or hold my stomach in whatever you walk by. Fine. That said, I'll admit there are some things you should never ever tease me - or any other guy - about. Our HAIR, STATURE, SALARY, and PENIS size. Poke fun at one of those and you might as well rip out our hearts and use them as coasters for your herbal tea. Why are these such sore spots for men? First, they can be compared against other's men. Second, we have absolutely no POWER to change them.

Men believe their financial worth reflects their innerworth. So teasing us about our salaries is really another way of making fun of our manhood. Recently, my date Danielle made fun of me when she said, "Your TV is the tiniest of any guy I know." That comment burned a hole in my ego because it pitted me against the rest of the guys she knows - men with bigger , wider, um, screens. Big TV means big wallets. And a guy's net worth isn't something he can just instantly change - unless he has a gun and ski mask. The cut deepened when, continuing to survey my flat, she asked, "so what do you spend your money on?" Should I mention the Rogaine? I wondered.

If there's anything men are sensitive about - it's our hair. Every guy I know worries about losing his locks one day, because he knows that with his hair goes his ability to attract women. My friend Dan was devastated after a girlfriend said, Your is so soft. Too bad you don't have more of it." Foul!

And men can't do anything about their height. My brothers are 6 feet tall. I'm 5ft 7in. When my Jody teased, "Your brothers got all the height - what did you get?" I replied: "A sunny #$&%ing disposition!" Although there have been many puny-yet-Napoleon, studies show that the taller men are taken more seriously than guys like me. There is also a belief that the taller a guy is, the proportionately bigger he is elsewhere. (Of course, we know they're referring to feet.)

That brings up the final torturous taunt: Mocking our Manhood. It's easy for you to tease a man about his member since you don't have one, but on our list of priorities, it's just below breathing. While I welcome most of the attention a woman may pay to my joystick - making a cutting remark about it isn't. Teasing a man about his member implies you're comparing him to someone else - and our mental health doesn't need that.


DO YOU SPY On The Man In Your Life?

You know he's faithful to you, because you know he's been what he's been doing and who he's been with every minute of the day. Lindsay Nicholson believes nothing keeps you together like a little healthy mistrust.

Dan think his girlfriend is a witch. If the merest thought of infidelity enters his mind, Meg seem to know about it. He thinks she has EPS. She says it's female intuition. What she doesn't tell him is that every night while he brushing his teeth she searches his pockets. A phone number on a book of matches or a parking ticket for an unfamiliar part of town - there could be innocent explanations for all of them, but Meg prepares her pre-emptive strike anyway.

It isn't that Dan is unfaithful. He's just a good looking guy who occasionally gives one of the girls from work a lift home or chats with a fellow (female) customer while he waits for his friends in a pub. It never goes further than that. Dan knows that after five years of monogamy he's still attractive to the other women but ("Thanks God," he says) he doesn't have to do anything about it. Men like that kind of security. As for Meg - the kind of person who can't walk past a phone without pressing the redial to find out the last number called - well, it seems to suit her too. It may not sound like the perfect relationship but it works for them.

Relationships based on 100% honest are, like pure linen sheets. Sure, they sound fine in theory but ironing out the wrinkles after you used the sheets tire after a while. Just as telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth can get to be very tedious. For practical, daily use, polycotton is easier. The "polycotton" relationship means telling your man you're going for a drink with the girls after work. The pure "linen" variety would involve disclosing to him that there's also a chance the new guy in accounts will be there and you wouldn't mind batting your eyelashes at him.

A little economy with the truth is inevitable, but spying on your partner is unacceptable. For instance, steaming opens envelopes never works. When you try to stick them down again the flap always look tampered with. It's better to hang over his shoulder as he opens his mail saying; "oh that looks interesting..." Likewise, listening in on the extension is best reserved for made-for-tv movies. However absent mindedly picking up the phone i the bedroom when he's talking on the one downstairs is understandable.

The healthiest relationships are based on mutual distrust or, to put it more gently, never taking each other for granted. The old saying that if a man is unfaithful, the wife is always the last to know, is a cliche precisely because it's so often true. Of course you need to be savvy about it. Katie, for instance doesn't believe that Mark is having an affair. How could he be? She never lets him out of her sight except when he's at work. Then, if he has to stay late, she rings repeatedly, to check he really is at his desk and not somewhere else!

Actually, he's usually under his desk, with the secretary. And he boasts about this to his friends. When the phone rings he reaches for the receiver and chats to Katie. Then he says: "Sorry, I've got to go, something come up..." Poor Katie. She ought to turn up unexpectedly to take him out for a drink on one of his late nights. Or maybe she doesn't want to know after all.

What say you?


He probably has plans to dump you if he..

# hasn’t called you back for days

# Gives you the silent treatment most of the time

# Asked for his key back he says he needs to get another spare cut (the excuse sounds very suspect).

# Would rather watch tellie than have sex.

# Suggested you have a few weeks break from each other

# Has gone away on holiday and hasn’t called.

# Is spending more time with his mates than you.

# Suddenly has to “work late” most nights.

# Keep making comments like “don’t get too attached to me”
or “I’m a bachelor at heart”

# Never spends the night any more after you’ve made love.


He’s dumped you but that doesn’t mean you have to feel like a FOOL. Hit him with the right comeback and walk away with your head held high.

HE SAYS: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

YOU SAY: “Yes I can see that – you have so many emotional problems I would have needed to be a counselor to make this work.”

HE SAYS: “I’m just not ready to get serious yet.”

YOU SAY: “That’s such a relief – although I am ready to get serious I was worried you might think I wanted to get serious with you.”

HE SAYS: “I just need some space for a while”

YOU SAY: “The timing of this couldn’t be better – I’ve just met a guy I really like – So I’d like to ha a break as well because he’s really hot and I want to get to know him better.”

HE SAYS: “We’re just not well suited.”

YOU SAY: “It’s true –we’re not right for each other – I’m looking for a guy with a sense of humour, intelligence, communication skills and openness in the bedroom – and you’re definitely not him.”

HE SAYS: “Our relationship has lost its spark.”

YOU SAY: “Don’t feel bad – What I felt for you was only lust so now that’s on the wane, I’m ready to find another lover.”

HE SAYS: “I would love to stay friends.”

YOU SAYS: “I don’t really think we can be friends – you don’t have any of the qualities I look for in a lasting relationship. But thanks anyway for the sentiment.”

After Get Dumped - Surviving The 1st 24 Hours

You're a mess - your nerves are shot, you're eyes are puffy and you just can't stop thinking about the fact that he's dumped you. Here's how to make it through the first day.

1.Have a long, lanquid candlelit bath, buy your favourite takeaway or go shopping for a great new lipstick to boost your spirits a little.

2.In something that makes you feel good - track pants and tears are not good combo.

3.Or if you and your flatmate get on well ask if she wouldn't mind staying in so that have some company. Do something like watch a funny DVD or play board games - try not to spend all night talking about him.

4.If you think he's led you on or know he's been unfaithful, don't call him or he might hang up in your ear. Instead, pour your feelings out in a letter - you'll feel much lighter for getting all the things you wanted to say to him off your chest without being interrupted or sidelined.

5.Off everything he did that was annoying off-putting -it'll help you realise he wasn't so great after all.

6.Don't slip into negative self-talk such as "I'll never find the right guy". Instead, focus on the positives - you can stay in the bathroom as long as you like and play your CDs without him complaining. Remind yourself that he's done you a favour - by making you free for the right relationship when it comes along.


7 things you didn't know men find SEXY

The way you...

1. Tuck your hair behind your ear.

2. Widen your eyes applying mascara.

3. Unknowingly pout when trying on clothing.

4. Laugh at our dumb jokes that don't deserve this reaction.

5. End a call because we're on the other line.

6. Unfavourably compare your friend's boyfriend with us.

7. Hug us from behind.

Girlfriend or GOOD-TIME girl?

You think you’re his girlfriend, but does he?

Ben mcKelvey shines a torch into guys’ thoughts for us.
If you’re planning to live with us- the other sex – it’s probably a good idea to come to term with the concept of “plausible deniability”. Coined in the late 50s, when the CIA was up to their shadiest dealings, the political figures of the time wanted to cover their rears. So instead of ordering people like the CIA to stop doing thinks like putting LSD in Fidel Castro’s drinks, they just stopped taking briefings from people like the CIA. Suddenly it was plausible for politicos to deny knowing about dodgy dealings. Voila! I present to you plausible the deniability.
For us guys, plausible deniability basically means willfully not knowing the status of a relationship with a female. We get the girl and keep the single status. Sex when you want it, but also impunity to hook up elsewhere. For you, it probably means confusion and anguish. But, hey, all’s fair in love and cold war, right?
I’ve never set out to do this deliberately. Looking back, however, I realize that every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve held onto plausible deniability for as long as I could. I’ve gently steered conversation about the status of the relationship elsewhere. I’ve meted out dates so they don’t have to much regularity.
In fact, I’ve probably missed a lot of good times just so when Jessica Alba, finally comes to my house and asks, “Ben, are you single?”, I can say yes. It’s tough but I think Jess is worth it. Men see marriage everywhere and not as a shining gold to march towards, but as an inescapable vacuum of monogamy. This is only marginally preferable to that other inescapable vacuum – lonely old age and death. In the same way that every time a guy sees a hot girl get on the bus (and sees an image of what see looks like having sex), we also get an image of marriage, a place where relationship rules are unambiguous, laid down in common law where if fucked around, you’ll be damned. In short, a scary place.
This make things confusing because, cosmetically – when we meet someone we actually like and want to be with – we act the exact same way as when we’re with a girl we’re just stringing a long for a sex or company, and who we have absolutely no desire to take to the next level.
So, how do you know if he sees you as casual piece of fun or something more? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, it doesn’t you’ve going out, it certainly doesn’t matter if you’re having sex or not. The real question is: Do his mates know about you?, when he hangs out with his mates and invites you along, you can safely assume he consider you more than just a piece of ass.
The way of telling that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material as when he’s the one setting up the meetings and only calls on certain days. If you’re exclusively getting drunken phone calls at 3am, then you’re probably serving a need.
So, if the situation looks questionable, how do you get him over the boyfriend or girlfriend line? It’s simple – just call his bluff. If you’re Wednesday girl start making him take you out on Friday night, or vice versa. Don’t take no for an answer. He’s not going to like it. He’ll say things like, “we’re enjoying each other’s company, isn’t that enough?” At least, that’s what I said. But it has to be done and it’ll actually be better for him in the long term. If you press him, you’re get a result for a better or worse. If you’re a Friday or Saturday night booty call, it’s probably not looking good. But if you’ve got a mid-week or Sunday thing going, there’s a much better chance you’ll to pin him down.
Please help stamp out plausible deniability, if not for your sake, then for ours. If he don’t, we’ll keep stringing you along until we end up sleeping with someone else, making you miserable. Or worse, you’ll sleep with someone else and, suddenly convinced you’re the love of our live, we’ll become complete stalkers. And nobody wants that.
Instant man decoder
So.. is he into you? Or just making you think he is? Find out now.
  1. Have you been somewhere other than your or his bedroom?
  2. Would his friends know who you were if they answered his phone?
  3. Does he call or take you regularly during the week?
  4. When you’re together at the pub, will he talk to you a lot?
  5. If he still satisfied when you dates don’t end in sex?
  6. Would he call to see how you are if you took the day off sick?
  7. Is he willing to meet his friend? And does he make an effort once he’s there?
Congratulations. You’re in what we call the beginning phase of a relationship. Take it slooooow.
Um..yeah!..you know you having casual sex, you just don’t want to admit it.


Wall Flower Syndrome- When You're Too Afraid To Fall in LOVE.

The more you've been hurt in love the harder it is to give your heart again. By Stephanie Osfield.

You think you'll never get over it when a guy breaks your heart. You feel down on yourself ("Why don't my relationships ever work out?"); foolish ("How could I have given so much to someone so undeserving?") and angry (" this is the last time I ever let someone do this to me"). Though the tears dry and you do learn to laugh again there can be a lasting fear that you may get hurt the next time around. Sure, that can bring some positives - encouraging you too choose partners more wisely or ensuring you hold back on having sex until you're sure the next guy you meet is worthy your love. But past romantic disasters can also give you a fear of intimacy so strong it may stand in the way of you finding true love again.

Once bitten, twice shy.
If you were bitten by a snake in your backyard then every time you go to that part of the garden you'd feel a little fearful of it happening again. That's human nature - remembering and acting defensively are an inbuilt part of our emotional make-up - they're instinctive responses designed to keep us safe from predators so that we survive. Unfortunately, the fear of being hurt also applies in love - so when your heart has been bruised in one or more relationships, it's hard not to be permanently on your guard. If you were open, honest, affectionate and passionate and your boyfriend lapped it all up then later dumped you - you're naturally going to be wary of being too giving in love again. But what a cost?

A painful break-up can leave scars that run deep. Maybe you've decided to keep every man you meet at arm's length. Maybe you haven't dated another guy for a long time because you're distant with every new man you meet. Whatever your tactics for keeping your heart safe, one thing is certain -avoiding intimacy is no reliable insurance policy against a broken heart. On the contrary, you're likely to end up with a heart that is breaking from loneliness and the ache to be loved.

"Emotional intimacy is one of the most uplifting experiences in life", say counselor, Kerryn Morrison. "When you share your deepest feelings, hopes and fears with someone and they share theirs with you, there is overwhelming sense of feeling fulfilled and belonging. That's why we all strive to have successful relationships - so that we can enjoy emotional intimacy and the sense of self-worth that romantic attachment provides.

" But when you're overly cautious about protecting yourself in lover you deny yourself the chance of ever achieving this level of emotional happiness. Being vulnerable with another person and letting them know who you really are is the basic foundation for any lasting romance. Hold back from doing this because your last boyfriend abused this intimate knowledge of you and you'll not only prevent the men you met from getting to know the real, wonderful you, but you'll also scare potential partners away because you'll come across as withdrawn and unapproachable.

Don't take it to HEART
"I've fallen out of love with you", "I've met someone else"; "I'm not ready to settle down just yet..." whatever reason a guy gives for ending your relationship -It's hard not to take it personally.

"When I got dumped for the third time in a year, for at lease six months, I blamed myself - Thinking I clearly wasn't smart enough to keep a man captivated, not attractive enough to keep a man from looking at other women and not interesting enough to hold a man's attention for long," Says Tanya, 24. "It was unable to be the kind of woman who'd make guy stick around. And because I'd had three men treat me thoughtlessly I was afraid of even dating again. So for a long time I just stood back and played the role of the wallflower.

"I didn't flirt with guys, I didn't even smile at them - I actually felt safer if no man showed any interest in me and soon that was the case - I was giving 'off-limits' signals. I thought I was keeping myself in a position of strength by holding back, but over time I was becoming increasingly bitter, sad, isolated and despairing. Deep down I still wanted to be loved - I just didn't know how to achieve that level of romance without putting my heart at risk." While she was busy cataloging her many inadequacies it never occurred to Tanya that maybe that problem was with the men she was dating - chances are they just weren't right for her or had their own emotional issues such as commitment phobia.

In short, instead of going into self-preservation mode because you had a relationship that didn't work out, it's much healthier to try to look at what happened objectively so that you can learn from the experience. Did you try too hard to please him? Did you catch him on the rebound? Were you trying too much to change him or were you and your boyfriend just too different to ever make a real go of it? Seeing each break-up clearly for what it was will let you off the hook so that you can be kind to yourself again.

"When a person fears being hurt again in love you can usually trace their ongoing trauma back to one fundamental problem - the inability to deal with a sense that they have been rejected," says Morrison. "Learning how to work through this feelings and not to take rejection as a character assassination is the key to moving beyond fear s that you can regain enough confidence and self-esteem to open yourself up again in love,"

Who are YOU?
Do feel that you're nothing without your boyfriend. Do you tend to put each guy you date in a position of power over you so go along in the hope that keeping him happy will make him stay with you? Then you're setting yourself up to have your heart broken. The moment you let yourself be defined by who you are with rather than who you are, you're in dangerous territory. It's impossible to have successful relationship unless you are in touch with your own identity.

"I often find in women who feel they have been unhappy in love that they have been unhappy in love that they are not good at setting boundaries about the way they are treated," says psychologist, Theresa Spittle. "They have spent so long letting other people call the shots they have no idea they what they want. I encourage them to put themselves first for a chance. They write a list to identify what makes them happy, what they feel passionate about. Through this process they realise that our thoughts are what have the most influence over our happiness."


Mr. WRONG again...?

Courtesy of CLEO Mag.

Another man? Another disappointment? You could be sabotaging your relationships. Here's how to halt another heartache. By Nita Tucker

Finally, you've met the perfect person. You have the relationship you've always wanted and everything is picture-perfect. But soon, the first cracks begin to appear. He makes too much noise when he eats. He has irritating laugh. He's stingy. He's bossy. You start to fret. You get resentful. You start looking for the EXIT signs.

Don't panic. The relationship may not be falling apart and you may not have hooked up with the wrong person. It may be just your collection of bad attitudes that you've been carrying with you from relationship, and that collection may have started as you observed your parents' relationship. Many people find that their partnerships are replicas of less-than-perfect relationships they observed as children. These childhood impression can be so deeply routed that it doesn't occur to people to try to break out of them. They simply resign themselves to the limitations of fulfilling partnerships and say, "It's the way marriage is."

When you enter a new relationship, you bring any negative attitudes, opinions and fears with you. For instance, if the man you’re dating tells you he’d like to spend some time apart, it’s could mean he’d enjoy doing some things on his own or it could mean he’s sick of being with you. You opt of the latter, because you’re building your case that “men always leave”. And your paranoia and need for constant reassurance make it more likely that he will leave.

If your behavior you controlled by the negative attitudes and decisions you’ve made, exposing your negative attitudes is the first step you can take towards being able to have the kind of relationship you really want.

The next step is to become aware of how these have been holding you back. Sometimes our unconscious attitudes and fears come in the form of “sabotage patterns” – the particular ways that we go about destroying our relationships. The first thing to know about your pattern o sabotage is that it’s hidden.

So finding out how your sabotage will help enable you to stop. Here are seven ways you may sabotage your relationship, as well as the reasons you may do so – and what you can do to change your behaviour in your relationship:

Sabotage situation # 1:

“I love a guy who’s a real challenge”

Are you always attracted to guys you can’t have? Do you lose interest in someone once he falls for you? Are you easily bored in relationship?

There are several variations to the “liking the chase” pattern: Going after the most popular or unattainable guy, but when you ‘get’ him, feeling as if you won the booby prize; having a string of relationship that fall apart because you lost interest in each man after a while; liking guys who treat with indifference, but when they act nice to you, feeling as they’re clingy.

What really going on: This pattern is nothing to do with liking a challenge. It is all about low self-esteem – yours. Groucho Marx used to joke, “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.” If you have this pattern, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone who has poor enough taste to be in love with you. But if you can’t love someone who loves you, you’re not going to be able to have much of a relationship.

What can you do about it: Next time a partner start being appreciative and attentive, don’t run away screaming. Instead, try this tact give yourself a chance to see how it feels to be liked. Instead of running away, remind yourself that liking you is a sign of someone’s good taste.

Sabotage situation #2:

“Guys walk all over me”

Do men take advantage of you? Are you always the one who “gives” in a relationship? Do you think most men are “takers”? You’re always there with patience and understanding when they need you, but they don’t treat you the same.

What’s really going on: If you have this pattern, you’re no happy unless you’re mistreated, so you manipulate others into doing just that. To keep your partners from being as good as you are, you ask them to do things for you when you know they have no time. Or you ask in such an accusatory tone that they have to say no. When they do try to do things for you, you don’t react graciously-you complain that whatever they did wasn’t done right.

What you can do about it: It’s important to keep a close watch on your actions in order to resist your tendency to “gives” as means of manipulating your partner. When you do give, don’t keep score. Stop looking at what he is doing or not doing for you, and when he does something nice be appreciative.

Sabotage situation #3:

“I’m always getting dumped out of the blue”

Are you always surprised when a relationship ends? Did you think it was really going well? You know you never do anything that drives them away- you never nag or expect too much. And you’re always careful to avoid conflict.

What’s really going on: People with this pattern have their heads buried in the sand. Mary, a 25-year-old accounts assistant used to be classic ostrich. The last boyfriend she had before she took seminar (I give “How not to stay single” seminars in different parts of the world) Left her suddenly, just like the others. For her, his departure “came out of the blue.” She thinks that he left her because she was going through a quarter-life crisis.

What she realized in my seminar was that by avoiding conflict, she had not addressed many of the problems that existed in the relationship. She though if she ignored them would go away, but of course they didn’t.

With her unwillingness to communicate about anything uncomfortable, the wasn’t much to talk about. Her “don’t rock the boat” attitude made her relationships boring and mundane.

What you can do about it: Start noticing when you want to ignore the issues that arise in your relationships. Stop letting them go by. When your discomfort threatens to keep you from communicating, remind yourself what refusing to confront issues costs you.

Sabotage situation #4:

"I'm just trying to be helpful, but guys think I'm nit-picking"

Are you always offering helpful advice? Do you tend to become your boyfriend's 'adviser'?

What's really going on: This was my own personal pattern. I tried to 'help' men by pointing out how they could improve and by constantly correcting them. If you have this pattern, you probably consider yourself to be very perceptive. You think you're using your insight to help the people you date, but what you're actually doing is constantly finding and pointing out theirs faults. The message the get from you, however subtle, is that they're not okay to you.

What can you do about it: Start using your intelligence and perceptiveness to build people up instead of down. For example, if he asks you, "What do you think of this," instead of giving your usually brilliant answer, ask him what he thinks instead. when he tells you, don't disagree and don't offer a better solution.

Sabotage situation #5:

"I'm always get clingy and needy when I'm in a relationship"

When you get involved in a relationship, do feel that you need to be together all the time? Do you become thoroughly dependent on him? Do you become intensely focused on him?

What's really going on: You are dependent on others for your own identity. You feel that you're "nobody till somebody loves you".

What you can do about it: Just admitting you feel this way is a great first step. Next time you notice the desperate or clingy feelings coming over you, take a step back and see if you can nip that feeling in the bud.

Sabotage situation #6:

"I'm always fall in love with guys who never love me back"

Do you fall for men you can't have? Do you become obsessed with them? Do you think once you find true love, your life will be complete?

What's really going on: You aren't in love with a person; you're in love with your image of one. Your fear of rejection lies at the root of this pattern. The fact that your fantasy lover doesn't return your affection isn't a real rejection, because you think if he really knew you, he would love you.

What can you do about it: Next time you find yourself falling into an unrequited love affair, ask yourself if you would rather have a fantasy relationship or a real one. Then face reality: If the person you're crazy about isn't asking you out, he probably isn't interested.

You need to stop dwelling on these 'dream' people. Resist the impulse to fantasies about them and don't feed your tendency to get obsessed by keeping things around that make you think of them or frequenting places where you might run into them.

Sabotage situation #7:

"I'm always get involved with guys who screw me over"

Have you been burned one too many times? Lied to? cheated on? Have you decided that you're not going to let someone get close to you unless you're sure that he won't violate your trust?

What's really going on: Yes, you've been hurt, and yes, by protecting yourself you won't get hurt again. But the protective fortress you've erected around yourself is keeping Mr. Right out along with the people who might hurt you. The requirement that someone prove his trustworthiness before you'll allow yourself to get close keeps you unavailable for relationships.

What you can do about it: You have to be willing to risk getting hurt. In order to fall in love, your heart have to be open enough that it could be broken. Getting to know someone and letting someone get to know you is the only way to find out if you're right for each other.

You may have clearly recognised your pattern among those described. You may even see yourself in several of them. so once you identified it, you can begin to turn it around. But don't expect to see it disappear overnight. You may always need to be aware of your pattern so that you don't fall into it again.