Faithfulness – the bedrock of marriage

I GET very perturbed by my friends who betray their spouse by getting involved in extramarital affairs.

Such a thing as having a fling is seldom heard of in the closely-knit rural communities in Sarawak. In Kuching city and large towns though, extramarital affairs are top on the topics of private conversations, especially when they involve prominent personalities.

Although I know some married women also engage in some extracurricular activities outside their marriage for various reasons, it seems to me that there are more men cheating on their wives than women on their husbands.

I have been observing this phenomenon in Kuching city coldly from the sideline of the social scene for years.

Usually, successful married businessmen in their approaching middle age are most susceptible to the seduction of wily younger women. Perhaps they just want to make up for the indulgences of their youth which they had denied themselves in their struggle in the business world. Perhaps, having a mistress is a status symbol. Many will use the excuse that their wife does not treat them well at home.

One day quite a few years ago, I was taken aback when the girl nicknamed Adif told me about her latest boyfriend, a married man who went by the initial MK. Adif was 24, plump, and apparently attractive to a lot of men with roving eyes. After she failed Form Five, she had never held down a steady job. Yet she was a constant guest at many of the entertainment outlets in Kuching city. How she managed to live the good life was anybody’s guess.

This new boyfriend was very nice to her, setting up a small business for her, buying her a set of new furniture for her house in Petra Jaya, and a new car even for her pleasure.

In the two years of their clandestine relationship that I knew of, they had vicious fights like all couples. Inevitably, the man would pine for her, and begged for her forgiveness. Then, they would make up with him buying her more gifts and taking her out to posh entertainment places.

One Hari Raya day, this man invited all his friends in a group to his open house for a festive visit. Adif and I were present too.

It was a large house in Petra Jaya, with a front yard that could accommodate 10 cars at least. The lady of the house came to welcome the guests, and served them food and drink, and entertained them with small talk.

It was the first time that I met our hostess. She was still very attractive, and although she had had 3 or 4 children, she still had the figure that was the envy of many women. She was well educated, had a professional job of her own, and could speak good English. Her social grace and good breeding exuded in the way she received her visitors.

She was obviously not aware that the competitor for her husband’s love was present, even when Adif was very uncomfortable and fidgeted with her mobile phone all the time like a sulking teenager.

The surreal cruelty of the mundane Hari Raya scene suddenly struck at a deep chord in my heart.

Obviously, MK’s wife was such a nice wife that would make any man happy. She was many times the better mate than Adif, in looks, in her fashion sense, in carriage, in social stature, and in refinement of character.

Why would her husband betray her?

Then I began to imagine her anguish, her pain, and her disappointment when she eventually found out her husband’s extramarital affair. (The wife always does in the end, one way or another.) My experience with observing this distasteful business is that the wronged wife will lose a great deal of weight in the ensuring fits of dark depression.

Then I also started to imagine the sense of isolation, dejectedness, and resentment to be felt by the children, as their happy universe began to collapse from the constant fights between their parents. A wall would descend between them and their father for life.

Inevitably, there would be an excruciating protracted legal process leading to a divorce. Nobody would come out a winner.

These dark thoughts went through my mind as I sat there in my guilt and misery. My hostess was especially friendly to me, as if she wanted to ask me something. If she asked, I would have told her the truth.

After that day, I distanced myself from any girl like Adif and her illicit beau. It was a bad scene best to be avoided. I have not heard of them since.

To some people, secret extramarital affairs may be exciting and glamorous, because the forbidden fruit is always seductive from the time of Adam and Eve.

But my advice to myself and to all of you ladies and gentlemen out there is

this: Don’t ever do it. It is not worth the pain afterwards. Above all, it hurts too many innocent people whom you really love. Source HERE

No comments: