Dumped? The Real Reasons He Did It
Remark: Repost do to some of error..
Want to know why he broke it off with you? Stop ripping yourself to shreds and turn the spotlight on HIS commitment issues.
He says “We need to talk” so you suspect something is up and you’re prepared to work through the problem. Instead he just blurts out “it’s over” and you’re so shocked. You can barely breathe. After breaking your heart he trots out all the usual lines: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “This isn’t working”, “I’m not good enough for you”. “I never meant to hurt you”, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” and he even says “I’ll call you sometimes” before you sprint from the rules, barely holding back the floods of tears. But once you get back to your flat/car/girlfriend’s place you suddenly realize he hasn’t really been straight with you at all.
After all the time, energy and tenderness you gave to the relationship it has just imploded and you have no real idea why. Before you beat yourself up for being a total failure in love – go through his behaviour with a fine-toothed comb. There are only a few reasons why men dump women and most of them indicate his emotional issue, not yours:
1. He’s looking for the ideal woman.
And you’re not her – but don’t feel unworthy-no women could ever measure up to his unrealistic ideal. He’s ultimate partner has Angelina Jolie’s lips, Elle Macpherson’s breasts, Jennifer Aniston’s figure, a face like Catherine Zeta-Jones, the intelligent and talent of a Cate Blanchett and a sense of humor to match whoopi Goldberg’s. Obviously, he’s never going to find someone to fit this bill but he enters each relationship with this unhelpful wishlist in his head.
“When it comes to romance, women tend to take a positive approach, focusing on their partner’s good looks or his sensitivity and projecting ahead to how romantic their future together could be,” says psychologist Danita Sykes. “The glow of these rose-colored glasses often helps to gloss over their partner’s less appealing qualities such as a bad temper or tendency to flirt. But as a relationship develops men may come to take their girlfriend’s appealing traits for granted and be more preoccupied with the ways their partner doesn’t meet their needs. They think the women of their dreams should be close to perfect. So if she doesn’t shared his love of the arts or doesn’t cook as well as he does, he may worry that this is a sign she’s not really the right partner for him.”
The upshot? Believe him when he says “it’s not you, it’s me”-any person who keeps up a misguided quest for total perfection in a partner is setting themselves up to never find true love. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t recognize the special and unique qualities that make you such a great catch. “You’d be much better off with a men who is more emotionally evolved and mature,” Sykes points out.
2. He’s lazy in love.
Everything was peachy when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship – you hung n each other’s every word and couldn’t wait to get home to be together. But now, you’ve been together a while you’re encountering a few hiccoughs - having a negotiate errands, not always wanting sex at the same time arguing about everything from what tv programme you should watch to whether or not he should call when he’s only running half an hour late.
For him, doing any kind of emotional house work in a relationship is to much hard work and the minute these kind of day-to-day problems arise he always does a runner. “I see lots of men who just bail out the minute there is any kind of issue to be solved in their romantic life,” says Sykes. Some “ men mistakenly see differences of opinion as a sign that the two of you a just not compatible instead of realizing that every relationship requires a little work, and a lot of communication and compromise if it is to deepen an last.”
3. He met someone else.
This one hurts because he's unlikely to be upfront about the real reasons for the break. So you nurse your broken heart and try to save face in front of all yours friends by repeating hi exit line " I'm not ready to settle down" or " I need some time on my own". Next thing you hear on the grapevine, that he's not only launched himself back on the singles scene but he went straight from spiting up with you to asking another woman to go steady. Does she look like Cameron Diaz? Is he better than you in bed? What do you care? Be grateful - he's obviously got a roving eyes which means that down the track he might have been unfaithful or been a serial flirt. He's done you a big favour - now you can find a guy worthy of your trust.
4. He’s afraid of commitment.
5. He’s still in love with his ex.
6. He’s from a different world.
7. He’s been scared off.