2007-06-25

Dumped? The Real Reasons He Did It


Remark: Repost do to some of error..
Want to know why he broke it off with you? Stop ripping yourself to shreds and turn the spotlight on HIS commitment issues.


He says “We need to talk” so you suspect something is up and you’re prepared to work through the problem. Instead he just blurts out “it’s over” and you’re so shocked. You can barely breathe. After breaking your heart he trots out all the usual lines: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “This isn’t working”, “I’m not good enough for you”. “I never meant to hurt you”, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” and he even says “I’ll call you sometimes” before you sprint from the rules, barely holding back the floods of tears. But once you get back to your flat/car/girlfriend’s place you suddenly realize he hasn’t really been straight with you at all.

After all the time, energy and tenderness you gave to the relationship it has just imploded and you have no real idea why. Before you beat yourself up for being a total failure in love – go through his behaviour with a fine-toothed comb. There are only a few reasons why men dump women and most of them indicate his emotional issue, not yours:

1. He’s looking for the ideal woman.
And you’re not her – but don’t feel unworthy-no women could ever measure up to his unrealistic ideal. He’s ultimate partner has Angelina Jolie’s lips, Elle Macpherson’s breasts, Jennifer Aniston’s figure, a face like Catherine Zeta-Jones, the intelligent and talent of a Cate Blanchett and a sense of humor to match whoopi Goldberg’s. Obviously, he’s never going to find someone to fit this bill but he enters each relationship with this unhelpful wishlist in his head.

“When it comes to romance, women tend to take a positive approach, focusing on their partner’s good looks or his sensitivity and projecting ahead to how romantic their future together could be,” says psychologist Danita Sykes. “The glow of these rose-colored glasses often helps to gloss over their partner’s less appealing qualities such as a bad temper or tendency to flirt. But as a relationship develops men may come to take their girlfriend’s appealing traits for granted and be more preoccupied with the ways their partner doesn’t meet their needs. They think the women of their dreams should be close to perfect. So if she doesn’t shared his love of the arts or doesn’t cook as well as he does, he may worry that this is a sign she’s not really the right partner for him.”

The upshot? Believe him when he says “it’s not you, it’s me”-any person who keeps up a misguided quest for total perfection in a partner is setting themselves up to never find true love. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t recognize the special and unique qualities that make you such a great catch. “You’d be much better off with a men who is more emotionally evolved and mature,” Sykes points out.

2. He’s lazy in love.

Everything was peachy when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship – you hung n each other’s every word and couldn’t wait to get home to be together. But now, you’ve been together a while you’re encountering a few hiccoughs - having a negotiate errands, not always wanting sex at the same time arguing about everything from what tv programme you should watch to whether or not he should call when he’s only running half an hour late.

For him, doing any kind of emotional house work in a relationship is to much hard work and the minute these kind of day-to-day problems arise he always does a runner. “I see lots of men who just bail out the minute there is any kind of issue to be solved in their romantic life,” says Sykes. Some “ men mistakenly see differences of opinion as a sign that the two of you a just not compatible instead of realizing that every relationship requires a little work, and a lot of communication and compromise if it is to deepen an last.”

3. He met someone else.

This one hurts because he's unlikely to be upfront about the real reasons for the break. So you nurse your broken heart and try to save face in front of all yours friends by repeating hi exit line " I'm not ready to settle down" or " I need some time on my own". Next thing you hear on the grapevine, that he's not only launched himself back on the singles scene but he went straight from spiting up with you to asking another woman to go steady. Does she look like Cameron Diaz? Is he better than you in bed? What do you care? Be grateful - he's obviously got a roving eyes which means that down the track he might have been unfaithful or been a serial flirt. He's done you a big favour - now you can find a guy worthy of your trust.

4. He’s afraid of commitment.

5. He’s still in love with his ex.

6. He’s from a different world.

7. He’s been scared off.


14 comments:

Chhaya said...

men will be men honey! they never change!
a woman with all those things (mentioned by u) will never bother to date a looser like him
The twilight moon

GerubiTuai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GerubiTuai said...

Disagree big time...we all can change if we wanted too..so can men(in defense of men) Women aren't any different than men!!

OOOo uchu..aki mansa enda lama hahahahaha..nganjung dua tiga chupak hehehe. Dini nuan diatu deh?

jm4847 said...

I find your post funny because I've actually said some of those phrases and I'll be the first to admit that sometimes we fall in love with an ideal, not a person.

But so do woman, just as much as we do, but in a slightly different way.

wilma ham said...

Thanks for visiting my page qumang. The same problem women have with sailing men. The men want you to keep your looks when on board a boat but they get annoyed if they have to provide the mod cons to do so. How do they think we keep our looks? By just looking in a salt coated mirror and praying for a miracle? And then they wonder why women won't come sailing?!
Wilma :)

NIHAL said...

Ouch, that hurts! Maybe not all men are like that?

But I gotta agree that in real life, things like this do happen, it actually boils down to the matter at hand, and how both parties try to find a reasonable solution to overcome this.

Aloy said...

Not all the mens like that... But i do like your blog. Hope to see your updated soon.

Franx Budi said...

I think everything can change but as long as still have feeling and love...Never Broke.
Some people like that some people not like that so depend on the person

Lyn said...

Men who hurt women continue to do so until they are either hurt themselves, or they finally see what they have done. You cannot change a man, he is what he is. It is best to note the signs of him being a bad choice in the first place, albeit sometimes difficult to see or admit. Many times there are definite signs which we will ignore because we are so entranced by the man, but, truly the signs are there... There are many wonderful men out there, and, unfortunate for us, the ones who really drive us to passion are usually the ones who use and abuse our feelings... we get through it wiser for the experience and they well,,, they will get the wake-up call someday.

mlighter said...

I understand what you're saying, but we shouldn't typecast someone whether they be male or female. No one is perfect. I have been happily married for (almost) 22 years and love my wife more with each passing day. I married her not because her a** looked like the picture, I married her for her inner beauty - not that she doesn't have outer beauty as well. I'm the lucky one. There are a lot of us out here.

Cloud Surfer said...

Hi Qumang
Interesting topic. It is my belief that men are inherently Bastards. Your topic of discussion just points to it. Great site.
www.MenAreBastardsWomenAreShameless.com
Regards,
Mike

Mailyn said...

All I am going to say is that the picture you used is hilarious! OK, that and that people DO tend to have idealistic ideas about what their perfect mate will be/look like.

Navin said...

cloud surfer, not all men are inherently bastards.. there are nice guys too..

Margaret said...

I think when a man says "it's not you, it's me." that says it all. Don't take it personally and move on. Similarly if a guy says every relationship I ever had he blew by cheating, then you have to sit up and listen because he's telling you straight out who he is. The problem is we don't always listen.

The beauty about being single is that you never know who is waiting just around the corner... and if he doesn't like you ass just the way it is... Buh, bye!