Girlfriend or GOOD-TIME girl?

You think you’re his girlfriend, but does he?

Ben mcKelvey shines a torch into guys’ thoughts for us.

If you’re planning to live with us- the other sex – it’s probably a good idea to come to term with the concept of “plausible deniability”. Coined in the late 50s, when the CIA was up to their shadiest dealings, the political figures of the time wanted to cover their rears. So instead of ordering people like the CIA to stop doing thinks like putting LSD in Fidel Castro’s drinks, they just stopped taking briefings from people like the CIA. Suddenly it was plausible for politicos to deny knowing about dodgy dealings. Voila! I present to you plausible the deniability.

For us guys, plausible deniability basically means willfully not knowing the status of a relationship with a female. We get the girl and keep the single status. Sex when you want it, but also impunity to hook up elsewhere. For you, it probably means confusion and anguish. But, hey, all’s fair in love and cold war, right?

I’ve never set out to do this deliberately. Looking back, however, I realize that every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve held onto plausible deniability for as long as I could. I’ve gently steered conversation about the status of the relationship elsewhere. I’ve meted out dates so they don’t have to much regularity.

In fact, I’ve probably missed a lot of good times just so when Jessica Alba, finally comes to my house and asks, “Ben, are you single?”, I can say yes. It’s tough but I think Jess is worth it. Men see marriage everywhere and not as a shining gold to march towards, but as an inescapable vacuum of monogamy. This is only marginally preferable to that other inescapable vacuum – lonely old age and death. In the same way that every time a guy sees a hot girl get on the bus (and sees an image of what see looks like having sex), we also get an image of marriage, a place where relationship rules are unambiguous, laid down in common law where if fucked around, you’ll be damned. In short, a scary place.

This make things confusing because, cosmetically – when we meet someone we actually like and want to be with – we act the exact same way as when we’re with a girl we’re just stringing a long for a sex or company, and who we have absolutely no desire to take to the next level.

So, how do you know if he sees you as casual piece of fun or something more? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, it doesn’t you’ve going out, it certainly doesn’t matter if you’re having sex or not. The real question is: Do his mates know about you?, when he hangs out with his mates and invites you along, you can safely assume he consider you more than just a piece of ass.

The way of telling that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material as when he’s the one setting up the meetings and only calls on certain days. If you’re exclusively getting drunken phone calls at 3am, then you’re probably serving a need.

So, if the situation looks questionable, how do you get him over the boyfriend or girlfriend line? It’s simple – just call his bluff. If you’re Wednesday girl start making him take you out on Friday night, or vice versa. Don’t take no for an answer. He’s not going to like it. He’ll say things like, “we’re enjoying each other’s company, isn’t that enough?” At least, that’s what I said. But it has to be done and it’ll actually be better for him in the long term. If you press him, you’re get a result for a better or worse. If you’re a Friday or Saturday night booty call, it’s probably not looking good. But if you’ve got a mid-week or Sunday thing going, there’s a much better chance you’ll to pin him down.

Please help stamp out plausible deniability, if not for your sake, then for ours. If he don’t, we’ll keep stringing you along until we end up sleeping with someone else, making you miserable. Or worse, you’ll sleep with someone else and, suddenly convinced you’re the love of our live, we’ll become complete stalkers. And nobody wants that.

Instant man decoder

So.. is he into you? Or just making you think he is? Find out now.

1. Have you been somewhere other than your or his bedroom?
2. Would his friends know who you were if they answered his phone?
3. Does he call or take you regularly during the week?
4. When you’re together at the pub, will he talk to you a lot?
5. If he still satisfied when you dates don’t end in sex?
6. Would he call to see how you are if you took the day off sick?
7. Is he willing to meet his friend? And does he make an effort once he’s there?

Congratulations. You’re in what we call the beginning phase of a relationship. Take it slooooow.

Um..yeah!..you know you having casual sex, you just don’t want to admit it.