DO YOU SPY On The Man In Your Life?

You know he's faithful to you, because you know he's been what he's been doing and who he's been with every minute of the day. Lindsay Nicholson believes nothing keeps you together like a little healthy mistrust.

Dan think his girlfriend is a witch. If the merest thought of infidelity enters his mind, Meg seem to know about it. He thinks she has EPS. She says it's female intuition. What she doesn't tell him is that every night while he brushing his teeth she searches his pockets. A phone number on a book of matches or a parking ticket for an unfamiliar part of town - there could be innocent explanations for all of them, but Meg prepares her pre-emptive strike anyway.

It isn't that Dan is unfaithful. He's just a good looking guy who occasionally gives one of the girls from work a lift home or chats with a fellow (female) customer while he waits for his friends in a pub. It never goes further than that. Dan knows that after five years of monogamy he's still attractive to the other women but ("Thanks God," he says) he doesn't have to do anything about it. Men like that kind of security. As for Meg - the kind of person who can't walk past a phone without pressing the redial to find out the last number called - well, it seems to suit her too. It may not sound like the perfect relationship but it works for them.

Relationships based on 100% honest are, like pure linen sheets. Sure, they sound fine in theory but ironing out the wrinkles after you used the sheets tire after a while. Just as telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth can get to be very tedious. For practical, daily use, polycotton is easier. The "polycotton" relationship means telling your man you're going for a drink with the girls after work. The pure "linen" variety would involve disclosing to him that there's also a chance the new guy in accounts will be there and you wouldn't mind batting your eyelashes at him.

A little economy with the truth is inevitable, but spying on your partner is unacceptable. For instance, steaming opens envelopes never works. When you try to stick them down again the flap always look tampered with. It's better to hang over his shoulder as he opens his mail saying; "oh that looks interesting..." Likewise, listening in on the extension is best reserved for made-for-tv movies. However absent mindedly picking up the phone i the bedroom when he's talking on the one downstairs is understandable.

The healthiest relationships are based on mutual distrust or, to put it more gently, never taking each other for granted. The old saying that if a man is unfaithful, the wife is always the last to know, is a cliche precisely because it's so often true. Of course you need to be savvy about it. Katie, for instance doesn't believe that Mark is having an affair. How could he be? She never lets him out of her sight except when he's at work. Then, if he has to stay late, she rings repeatedly, to check he really is at his desk and not somewhere else!

Actually, he's usually under his desk, with the secretary. And he boasts about this to his friends. When the phone rings he reaches for the receiver and chats to Katie. Then he says: "Sorry, I've got to go, something come up..." Poor Katie. She ought to turn up unexpectedly to take him out for a drink on one of his late nights. Or maybe she doesn't want to know after all.

What say you?

He probably has plans to dump you if he..

# hasn’t called you back for days

# Gives you the silent treatment most of the time

# Asked for his key back he says he needs to get another spare cut (the excuse sounds very suspect).

# Would rather watch tellie than have sex.

# Suggested you have a few weeks break from each other

# Has gone away on holiday and hasn’t called.

# Is spending more time with his mates than you.

# Suddenly has to “work late” most nights.

# Keep making comments like “don’t get too attached to me”
or “I’m a bachelor at heart”

# Never spends the night any more after you’ve made love.

QUICK COMEBACKS..!

He’s dumped you but that doesn’t mean you have to feel like a FOOL. Hit him with the right comeback and walk away with your head held high.

HE SAYS: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

YOU SAY: “Yes I can see that – you have so many emotional problems I would have needed to be a counselor to make this work.”

HE SAYS: “I’m just not ready to get serious yet.”

YOU SAY: “That’s such a relief – although I am ready to get serious I was worried you might think I wanted to get serious with you.”

HE SAYS: “I just need some space for a while”

YOU SAY: “The timing of this couldn’t be better – I’ve just met a guy I really like – So I’d like to ha a break as well because he’s really hot and I want to get to know him better.”

HE SAYS: “We’re just not well suited.”

YOU SAY: “It’s true –we’re not right for each other – I’m looking for a guy with a sense of humour, intelligence, communication skills and openness in the bedroom – and you’re definitely not him.”

HE SAYS: “Our relationship has lost its spark.”

YOU SAY: “Don’t feel bad – What I felt for you was only lust so now that’s on the wane, I’m ready to find another lover.”

HE SAYS: “I would love to stay friends.”

YOU SAYS: “I don’t really think we can be friends – you don’t have any of the qualities I look for in a lasting relationship. But thanks anyway for the sentiment.”

After Get Dumped - Surviving The 1st 24 Hours

You're a mess - your nerves are shot, you're eyes are puffy and you just can't stop thinking about the fact that he's dumped you. Here's how to make it through the first day.

1.Have a long, lanquid candlelit bath, buy your favourite takeaway or go shopping for a great new lipstick to boost your spirits a little.

2.In something that makes you feel good - track pants and tears are not good combo.

3.Or if you and your flatmate get on well ask if she wouldn't mind staying in so that have some company. Do something like watch a funny DVD or play board games - try not to spend all night talking about him.

4.If you think he's led you on or know he's been unfaithful, don't call him or he might hang up in your ear. Instead, pour your feelings out in a letter - you'll feel much lighter for getting all the things you wanted to say to him off your chest without being interrupted or sidelined.

5.Off everything he did that was annoying off-putting -it'll help you realise he wasn't so great after all.

6.Don't slip into negative self-talk such as "I'll never find the right guy". Instead, focus on the positives - you can stay in the bathroom as long as you like and play your CDs without him complaining. Remind yourself that he's done you a favour - by making you free for the right relationship when it comes along.

7 things you didn't know men find SEXY

The way you...

1. Tuck your hair behind your ear.

2. Widen your eyes applying mascara.

3. Unknowingly pout when trying on clothing.

4. Laugh at our dumb jokes that don't deserve this reaction.

5. End a call because we're on the other line.

6. Unfavourably compare your friend's boyfriend with us.

7. Hug us from behind.

Girlfriend or GOOD-TIME girl?

You think you’re his girlfriend, but does he?

Ben mcKelvey shines a torch into guys’ thoughts for us.

If you’re planning to live with us- the other sex – it’s probably a good idea to come to term with the concept of “plausible deniability”. Coined in the late 50s, when the CIA was up to their shadiest dealings, the political figures of the time wanted to cover their rears. So instead of ordering people like the CIA to stop doing thinks like putting LSD in Fidel Castro’s drinks, they just stopped taking briefings from people like the CIA. Suddenly it was plausible for politicos to deny knowing about dodgy dealings. Voila! I present to you plausible the deniability.

For us guys, plausible deniability basically means willfully not knowing the status of a relationship with a female. We get the girl and keep the single status. Sex when you want it, but also impunity to hook up elsewhere. For you, it probably means confusion and anguish. But, hey, all’s fair in love and cold war, right?

I’ve never set out to do this deliberately. Looking back, however, I realize that every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve held onto plausible deniability for as long as I could. I’ve gently steered conversation about the status of the relationship elsewhere. I’ve meted out dates so they don’t have to much regularity.

In fact, I’ve probably missed a lot of good times just so when Jessica Alba, finally comes to my house and asks, “Ben, are you single?”, I can say yes. It’s tough but I think Jess is worth it. Men see marriage everywhere and not as a shining gold to march towards, but as an inescapable vacuum of monogamy. This is only marginally preferable to that other inescapable vacuum – lonely old age and death. In the same way that every time a guy sees a hot girl get on the bus (and sees an image of what see looks like having sex), we also get an image of marriage, a place where relationship rules are unambiguous, laid down in common law where if fucked around, you’ll be damned. In short, a scary place.

This make things confusing because, cosmetically – when we meet someone we actually like and want to be with – we act the exact same way as when we’re with a girl we’re just stringing a long for a sex or company, and who we have absolutely no desire to take to the next level.

So, how do you know if he sees you as casual piece of fun or something more? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him, it doesn’t you’ve going out, it certainly doesn’t matter if you’re having sex or not. The real question is: Do his mates know about you?, when he hangs out with his mates and invites you along, you can safely assume he consider you more than just a piece of ass.

The way of telling that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material as when he’s the one setting up the meetings and only calls on certain days. If you’re exclusively getting drunken phone calls at 3am, then you’re probably serving a need.

So, if the situation looks questionable, how do you get him over the boyfriend or girlfriend line? It’s simple – just call his bluff. If you’re Wednesday girl start making him take you out on Friday night, or vice versa. Don’t take no for an answer. He’s not going to like it. He’ll say things like, “we’re enjoying each other’s company, isn’t that enough?” At least, that’s what I said. But it has to be done and it’ll actually be better for him in the long term. If you press him, you’re get a result for a better or worse. If you’re a Friday or Saturday night booty call, it’s probably not looking good. But if you’ve got a mid-week or Sunday thing going, there’s a much better chance you’ll to pin him down.

Please help stamp out plausible deniability, if not for your sake, then for ours. If he don’t, we’ll keep stringing you along until we end up sleeping with someone else, making you miserable. Or worse, you’ll sleep with someone else and, suddenly convinced you’re the love of our live, we’ll become complete stalkers. And nobody wants that.

Instant man decoder

So.. is he into you? Or just making you think he is? Find out now.

1. Have you been somewhere other than your or his bedroom?
2. Would his friends know who you were if they answered his phone?
3. Does he call or take you regularly during the week?
4. When you’re together at the pub, will he talk to you a lot?
5. If he still satisfied when you dates don’t end in sex?
6. Would he call to see how you are if you took the day off sick?
7. Is he willing to meet his friend? And does he make an effort once he’s there?

Congratulations. You’re in what we call the beginning phase of a relationship. Take it slooooow.

Um..yeah!..you know you having casual sex, you just don’t want to admit it.

Wall Flower Syndrome- When You're Too Afraid To Fall in LOVE.

The more you've been hurt in love the harder it is to give your heart again. By Stephanie Osfield.

You think you'll never get over it when a guy breaks your heart. You feel down on yourself ("Why don't my relationships ever work out?"); foolish ("How could I have given so much to someone so undeserving?") and angry (" this is the last time I ever let someone do this to me"). Though the tears dry and you do learn to laugh again there can be a lasting fear that you may get hurt the next time around. Sure, that can bring some positives - encouraging you too choose partners more wisely or ensuring you hold back on having sex until you're sure the next guy you meet is worthy your love. But past romantic disasters can also give you a fear of intimacy so strong it may stand in the way of you finding true love again.

Once bitten, twice shy.
If you were bitten by a snake in your backyard then every time you go to that part of the garden you'd feel a little fearful of it happening again. That's human nature - remembering and acting defensively are an inbuilt part of our emotional make-up - they're instinctive responses designed to keep us safe from predators so that we survive. Unfortunately, the fear of being hurt also applies in love - so when your heart has been bruised in one or more relationships, it's hard not to be permanently on your guard. If you were open, honest, affectionate and passionate and your boyfriend lapped it all up then later dumped you - you're naturally going to be wary of being too giving in love again. But what a cost?

A painful break-up can leave scars that run deep. Maybe you've decided to keep every man you meet at arm's length. Maybe you haven't dated another guy for a long time because you're distant with every new man you meet. Whatever your tactics for keeping your heart safe, one thing is certain -avoiding intimacy is no reliable insurance policy against a broken heart. On the contrary, you're likely to end up with a heart that is breaking from loneliness and the ache to be loved.

"Emotional intimacy is one of the most uplifting experiences in life", say counselor, Kerryn Morrison. "When you share your deepest feelings, hopes and fears with someone and they share theirs with you, there is overwhelming sense of feeling fulfilled and belonging. That's why we all strive to have successful relationships - so that we can enjoy emotional intimacy and the sense of self-worth that romantic attachment provides.

" But when you're overly cautious about protecting yourself in lover you deny yourself the chance of ever achieving this level of emotional happiness. Being vulnerable with another person and letting them know who you really are is the basic foundation for any lasting romance. Hold back from doing this because your last boyfriend abused this intimate knowledge of you and you'll not only prevent the men you met from getting to know the real, wonderful you, but you'll also scare potential partners away because you'll come across as withdrawn and unapproachable.

Don't take it to HEART
"I've fallen out of love with you", "I've met someone else"; "I'm not ready to settle down just yet..." whatever reason a guy gives for ending your relationship -It's hard not to take it personally.

"When I got dumped for the third time in a year, for at lease six months, I blamed myself - Thinking I clearly wasn't smart enough to keep a man captivated, not attractive enough to keep a man from looking at other women and not interesting enough to hold a man's attention for long," Says Tanya, 24. "It was unable to be the kind of woman who'd make guy stick around. And because I'd had three men treat me thoughtlessly I was afraid of even dating again. So for a long time I just stood back and played the role of the wallflower.

"I didn't flirt with guys, I didn't even smile at them - I actually felt safer if no man showed any interest in me and soon that was the case - I was giving 'off-limits' signals. I thought I was keeping myself in a position of strength by holding back, but over time I was becoming increasingly bitter, sad, isolated and despairing. Deep down I still wanted to be loved - I just didn't know how to achieve that level of romance without putting my heart at risk." While she was busy cataloging her many inadequacies it never occurred to Tanya that maybe that problem was with the men she was dating - chances are they just weren't right for her or had their own emotional issues such as commitment phobia.

In short, instead of going into self-preservation mode because you had a relationship that didn't work out, it's much healthier to try to look at what happened objectively so that you can learn from the experience. Did you try too hard to please him? Did you catch him on the rebound? Were you trying too much to change him or were you and your boyfriend just too different to ever make a real go of it? Seeing each break-up clearly for what it was will let you off the hook so that you can be kind to yourself again.

"When a person fears being hurt again in love you can usually trace their ongoing trauma back to one fundamental problem - the inability to deal with a sense that they have been rejected," says Morrison. "Learning how to work through this feelings and not to take rejection as a character assassination is the key to moving beyond fear s that you can regain enough confidence and self-esteem to open yourself up again in love,"

Who are YOU?
Do feel that you're nothing without your boyfriend. Do you tend to put each guy you date in a position of power over you so go along in the hope that keeping him happy will make him stay with you? Then you're setting yourself up to have your heart broken. The moment you let yourself be defined by who you are with rather than who you are, you're in dangerous territory. It's impossible to have successful relationship unless you are in touch with your own identity.

"I often find in women who feel they have been unhappy in love that they have been unhappy in love that they are not good at setting boundaries about the way they are treated," says psychologist, Theresa Spittle. "They have spent so long letting other people call the shots they have no idea they what they want. I encourage them to put themselves first for a chance. They write a list to identify what makes them happy, what they feel passionate about. Through this process they realise that our thoughts are what have the most influence over our happiness."

Mr. WRONG again...?

Courtesy of CLEO Mag.

Another man? Another disappointment? You could be sabotaging your relationships. Here's how to halt another heartache. By Nita Tucker

Finally, you've met the perfect person. You have the relationship you've always wanted and everything is picture-perfect. But soon, the first cracks begin to appear. He makes too much noise when he eats. He has irritating laugh. He's stingy. He's bossy. You start to fret. You get resentful. You start looking for the EXIT signs.

Don't panic. The relationship may not be falling apart and you may not have hooked up with the wrong person. It may be just your collection of bad attitudes that you've been carrying with you from relationship, and that collection may have started as you observed your parents' relationship. Many people find that their partnerships are replicas of less-than-perfect relationships they observed as children. These childhood impression can be so deeply routed that it doesn't occur to people to try to break out of them. They simply resign themselves to the limitations of fulfilling partnerships and say, "It's the way marriage is."

When you enter a new relationship, you bring any negative attitudes, opinions and fears with you. For instance, if the man you’re dating tells you he’d like to spend some time apart, it’s could mean he’d enjoy doing some things on his own or it could mean he’s sick of being with you. You opt of the latter, because you’re building your case that “men always leave”. And your paranoia and need for constant reassurance make it more likely that he will leave.

If your behavior you controlled by the negative attitudes and decisions you’ve made, exposing your negative attitudes is the first step you can take towards being able to have the kind of relationship you really want.

The next step is to become aware of how these have been holding you back. Sometimes our unconscious attitudes and fears come in the form of “sabotage patterns” – the particular ways that we go about destroying our relationships. The first thing to know about your pattern o sabotage is that it’s hidden.

So finding out how your sabotage will help enable you to stop. Here are seven ways you may sabotage your relationship, as well as the reasons you may do so – and what you can do to change your behaviour in your relationship:

Sabotage situation # 1:

“I love a guy who’s a real challenge”

Are you always attracted to guys you can’t have? Do you lose interest in someone once he falls for you? Are you easily bored in relationship?

There are several variations to the “liking the chase” pattern: Going after the most popular or unattainable guy, but when you ‘get’ him, feeling as if you won the booby prize; having a string of relationship that fall apart because you lost interest in each man after a while; liking guys who treat with indifference, but when they act nice to you, feeling as they’re clingy.

What really going on: This pattern is nothing to do with liking a challenge. It is all about low self-esteem – yours. Groucho Marx used to joke, “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.” If you have this pattern, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone who has poor enough taste to be in love with you. But if you can’t love someone who loves you, you’re not going to be able to have much of a relationship.

What can you do about it: Next time a partner start being appreciative and attentive, don’t run away screaming. Instead, try this tact give yourself a chance to see how it feels to be liked. Instead of running away, remind yourself that liking you is a sign of someone’s good taste.

Sabotage situation #2:

“Guys walk all over me”

Do men take advantage of you? Are you always the one who “gives” in a relationship? Do you think most men are “takers”? You’re always there with patience and understanding when they need you, but they don’t treat you the same.

What’s really going on: If you have this pattern, you’re no happy unless you’re mistreated, so you manipulate others into doing just that. To keep your partners from being as good as you are, you ask them to do things for you when you know they have no time. Or you ask in such an accusatory tone that they have to say no. When they do try to do things for you, you don’t react graciously-you complain that whatever they did wasn’t done right.

What you can do about it: It’s important to keep a close watch on your actions in order to resist your tendency to “gives” as means of manipulating your partner. When you do give, don’t keep score. Stop looking at what he is doing or not doing for you, and when he does something nice be appreciative.

Sabotage situation #3:

“I’m always getting dumped out of the blue”

Are you always surprised when a relationship ends? Did you think it was really going well? You know you never do anything that drives them away- you never nag or expect too much. And you’re always careful to avoid conflict.

What’s really going on: People with this pattern have their heads buried in the sand. Mary, a 25-year-old accounts assistant used to be classic ostrich. The last boyfriend she had before she took seminar (I give “How not to stay single” seminars in different parts of the world) Left her suddenly, just like the others. For her, his departure “came out of the blue.” She thinks that he left her because she was going through a quarter-life crisis.

What she realized in my seminar was that by avoiding conflict, she had not addressed many of the problems that existed in the relationship. She though if she ignored them would go away, but of course they didn’t.

With her unwillingness to communicate about anything uncomfortable, the wasn’t much to talk about. Her “don’t rock the boat” attitude made her relationships boring and mundane.

What you can do about it: Start noticing when you want to ignore the issues that arise in your relationships. Stop letting them go by. When your discomfort threatens to keep you from communicating, remind yourself what refusing to confront issues costs you.

Sabotage situation #4:

"I'm just trying to be helpful, but guys think I'm nit-picking"

Are you always offering helpful advice? Do you tend to become your boyfriend's 'adviser'?

What's really going on: This was my own personal pattern. I tried to 'help' men by pointing out how they could improve and by constantly correcting them. If you have this pattern, you probably consider yourself to be very perceptive. You think you're using your insight to help the people you date, but what you're actually doing is constantly finding and pointing out theirs faults. The message the get from you, however subtle, is that they're not okay to you.

What can you do about it: Start using your intelligence and perceptiveness to build people up instead of down. For example, if he asks you, "What do you think of this," instead of giving your usually brilliant answer, ask him what he thinks instead. when he tells you, don't disagree and don't offer a better solution.

Sabotage situation #5:

"I'm always get clingy and needy when I'm in a relationship"

When you get involved in a relationship, do feel that you need to be together all the time? Do you become thoroughly dependent on him? Do you become intensely focused on him?

What's really going on: You are dependent on others for your own identity. You feel that you're "nobody till somebody loves you".

What you can do about it: Just admitting you feel this way is a great first step. Next time you notice the desperate or clingy feelings coming over you, take a step back and see if you can nip that feeling in the bud.

Sabotage situation #6:

"I'm always fall in love with guys who never love me back"

Do you fall for men you can't have? Do you become obsessed with them? Do you think once you find true love, your life will be complete?

What's really going on: You aren't in love with a person; you're in love with your image of one. Your fear of rejection lies at the root of this pattern. The fact that your fantasy lover doesn't return your affection isn't a real rejection, because you think if he really knew you, he would love you.

What can you do about it: Next time you find yourself falling into an unrequited love affair, ask yourself if you would rather have a fantasy relationship or a real one. Then face reality: If the person you're crazy about isn't asking you out, he probably isn't interested.

You need to stop dwelling on these 'dream' people. Resist the impulse to fantasies about them and don't feed your tendency to get obsessed by keeping things around that make you think of them or frequenting places where you might run into them.

Sabotage situation #7:

"I'm always get involved with guys who screw me over"

Have you been burned one too many times? Lied to? cheated on? Have you decided that you're not going to let someone get close to you unless you're sure that he won't violate your trust?

What's really going on: Yes, you've been hurt, and yes, by protecting yourself you won't get hurt again. But the protective fortress you've erected around yourself is keeping Mr. Right out along with the people who might hurt you. The requirement that someone prove his trustworthiness before you'll allow yourself to get close keeps you unavailable for relationships.

What you can do about it: You have to be willing to risk getting hurt. In order to fall in love, your heart have to be open enough that it could be broken. Getting to know someone and letting someone get to know you is the only way to find out if you're right for each other.

You may have clearly recognised your pattern among those described. You may even see yourself in several of them. so once you identified it, you can begin to turn it around. But don't expect to see it disappear overnight. You may always need to be aware of your pattern so that you don't fall into it again.

6 REASONS Men Hate "Chick Flicks"

1. The Sex scenes are always implied

2. The man the girl enlist to be the other man is always the man she ends up with.

3. Julia Robert- We're over her.

4. The stereotypical gay friend added for comic relief

5. That obligatory kiss in the rain

6. The makeover scene

SMART REPORT- Instant Career Makeover

Have absolutely no idea what job you should do, or where your career's headed? Don't stress, everyone had a "What the hell am I going to do with my life?" freak out. "What you enjoy doing is what you should be doing for a living," says Sally O'Keefe, author of Career Girl: Get The Job You Love. You should want to do your job even if you weren't getting paid for it. You have all the skills you need to have a successful and fantastic career, you just need to work out what jobs suit your personal attributes best," How? It's all about this five-steps plan:

1. Keep a career diary and write down all the things that interest you. If a magazine story about charities jumps out, jot that down. If you see an ad on TV that you can relate to, make a not of it.

2. Do your quiz and start thinking about your best qualities, skills and strengths. Which ones can you utilize in your career? There are heaps of personality test on the Net-Try www.quintcareers.com or www.monster.com.

3. Check out www.jobsdb.com for a full lists of careers. There are a ton of jobs you may never have heard of, but one of them could be totally perfect for you. Like what, you ask? Let's say you enjoy working with food and people. Have you considered a career as a dietitian? Perhaps you like kids and reading. How about children's book editing? Creative and addicted to the Web? Maybe a career in website design is the way to go.

4. Research, research, research. Talk to people in your desired industry. Find out what training you need and whether any of your experience is an asset. And click on www.careerpress.com - it offers books on all kinds of industries, from finance to teaching to accounting with stacks of info to help you embark on a career in that field.

5. Do work experience. Volunteering your time (and being prepared to do anything, from opening mail to coffee runs), will provide knowledge about the industry, and could even help you land a job.


HELLO, dream job? Where are you?
If job hunting is in your too-hard basket, you'd better get it out again. Here's how to find a top job, fast...

>>>Work hurdle 1:
" I don't have any experience"
Get Over it: Companies say they're often prepared to sacrifice formal formal qualifications for a positives, can-do attitude," says Christina Bucci, a career consultant. "So while some job ads may specify tertiary education, if candidate can demonstrate transferable skills, then they should submit their application."

>>> Work hurdle 2:
"There are no jobs out there for me."
Get over it: Career web have more than 100,000 position advertised. "With the unemployment rate on the decrease, it's definitely a job seeker's market," says one headhunter. "If you're thinking about changing jobs o starting a career, there's never been a better time."

>>> Work hurdle 3:
"I don't have time to look"
Get over it: Most career websites have a "job mail" facility. This allows you to get daily updates of available jobs via email. Perfect the time-deprived!