Interview Tips!

Author: Ngeow Yeok Meng
Date: 10-May-2004

In most interviews, knowing what the interviewer is looking for means you have won half of the battle. The other half of the battle: be prepared to show your knowledge about the organisation, ask tactful questions about the job, and give a good impression that you can do better than others, if you are offered the job.

The interviewer has two methods of judging your suitability for the job. First, by questioning you and evaluating the things about you and your experience, based on what you tell him. Second, by observing person-to-person how you handle the interview.

If you have obviously planned your interview well, for example by showing that you are knowledgeable about the organisation, the interviewer will assume that you are also capable of planning and making a good job of your tasks. The converse is also true – a bad performance at interview could mean an unsatisfactory performance at the job.

If you have the experience and ability to do the job, make sure that you do not let your interview performance let you down. Since in most cases, the interviewer has no prior knowledge of the candidates except their letter of application, the first impression you give is extremely important. If you are of average intelligence or have few qualifications, do not despair. The most important factor is your actual achievements and the positive way in which you put these over to the interviewer.

Here are five areas that help the interviewer select the right person for the right job: intelligence, qualification, adjustment, impact on others, motivation and achievements.

Intelligence means your cognitive powers to take in and interpret information. You should be quick in understanding all questions posed by the interviewer, and providing simple and concise answers to them. Nevertheless, a person who is too intelligent, by giving complicated answers to simple questions, may give an impression that he is a thinker not a doer.

Qualifications is necessary for certain professional jobs. So make sure you possess the formal qualifications required or the experience needed when applying for that particular position. It is important to show your knowledge and interest of the relevant professional institution in your field of work, as this will also reflect your enthusiasm towards the profession.

Adjustment means adaptation to life in general and work in particular. The interviewer would like to know whether you have a good capacity to withstand stress, whether you are always in control even in the most unfavourable situations, whether you are emotionally stable, and whether you can do things on your own initiative. Most important of all, your friendly or hostile relationship with the people around you. Impact on others means anything from the use of simple language, the way you speak, the way you dress, to your physical appearance throughout the interview. If you can talk from your own personal experience using real life situations, make sense of things happen around you, think in terms of things and not people, you are more likely to give an impression of a mature person and a problem-solver much in demand by any employer.

Motivation and achievement are two important indicators of your general attitudes toward work and career. Assessment will be based on the following:

- Can you motivate yourself and work on your own initiative?
- Do you set yourself goals and achievements?
- Can you get things done even when faced with difficulties?
- Are you a dreamer or an action-driven person?
- Have you long term career objectives?
- Have you reached the level one would expect for your age or qualifications?
- Which kind of work or activity has given you the most satisfaction?
- Are you a person who can deliver on time and meet deadlines?
- Do you present your boss with problems or solutions?
- Do you have initiative to finish work?
- Do you pay attention to detail?
- Do you perform well when the going get tough?
- Are you good at problem solving?

The interviewer will not ask the above questions directly as the answers should come from what you have accomplished, not what you plan to do in future. The interviewer will skillfully find out the answers by asking what you have been involved in, your interests, your strengths, your weaknesses, the challenges in your pursuit of knowledge or previous work, your perception of yourself, your dreams and objectives in life.

If you are honest with yourself in the interview, you can avoid being worried about inconsistency in your answers. Never mind if the first impression you give is imperfect to the interviewer. The worst thing that could happen is when you lie about yourself, and have the
interviewer sense it before the end of the interview session.

How to ace a tele-interview when it counts
Author: Koon Mei Ching
Date: 10-May-2004

Trying to prove your mettle during a 30-minute interview is hard enough as we well know. Trying to achieve the same effect over a 30 minute telephone interview is another ballgame altogether.

The advantages you can leverage through a freshly pressed suit, a brilliant Colgate smile or a firm handshake are no longer available. You are now challenged to convey the very same effects via the tone of your voice, content of your speech and the cadence of your answers. No mean feat.

Having the opportunity to carry out a considerable number of tele-interviews over the past few weeks, a number of glaring interview mistakes came to my attention as I attempted to screen for successful candidates. This is my advice…

Loud and clear
Nearly a forgone conclusion, but here we go: speak up! Pronounce your words clearly and speak confidently. The qualities of an impressive candidate must be conveyed through verbal aptitude. If you mess up this first criterion, it will adversely affect the praises detailed in your resume. In the end, the interview is about verifying your lofty claims made out in the CV - unless you speak up, we might never get that far.

Remember your interview appointment
Being greeted by an “erm…who is this again, ah?” response to my introduction is most definitely an impression-breaker. Your aim is to impress us…not to make us cringe.

Grab a quiet corner somewhere
We don’t care where you find it, just do it. I just held an interview this afternoon where the candidate told us that he was not free to take the call at the moment (a scheduled one at that), and suggested we call back later. Upon granting him that grace, he proceeded to conduct the interview whilst taking the time to have casual chats with passing friends or stifle a guffaw at what was perceived to be a joke whispered to him. If the recruiters don’t get to enjoy the joke, it certainly won’t help you.

Have your resume ready
The interviewer will most likely be basing the interview upon your submitted resume, so it would help to have the same materials ready before you for reference should questions be raised about its content. Hesitating or saying, “I don’t think I remember,” is not an option you should use.

When taking the time to think, share it with us
There may come moments of “blank canvas” when you need some time to unearth an appropriate answer from the recesses of your mind. If you were at a physical interview, we would be able to read your body language and understand that you are thinking. When you do the same thing on the other end of a phone line, it just translates into silence … usually a strange atmosphere for the “blind” interviewer. Hence, take the time to share with him/her that you need some time to think about it, so they patiently know what to expect.

Don’t assume anything and no exclamations of “What?!”
Although the advances in telephony have been great, the clarity of a speakerphone can be distorted. When you are unclear of what was said, you should neither pretend you heard the question, nor make reflex exclamations of “ha?” or “what?” This certainly jolted me at a recent interview and made a very bad impression on the professional etiquette of the candidate. Manners have never been more important than on the telephone. Use them.

Ask intelligent questions
Okay, so this applies whether or not you sit in a physical interview or in the comforts of your own home. Nonetheless, the interviewer will use any opportunity gauge your intelligence, thought process and potential for success. Usually, well thought out questions aimed at the interviewer shows preparation, research, interest in the company and ultimately, a brain. Ask about the company, graduate programmes, development opportunities, the economic impact on the company etc. Even surprise questions can work to your benefit if they display intelligent inquisitiveness. I was asked today why the company was hiring external consultants to conduct the screening interviews. That question threw me, but we liked being thrown.

Always bow out gracefully
With no eye contact and a good grip to seal the end of the interview, your last impression will hinge upon the end of the phone call. Be courteous, thank the interviewers and express your gratitude for the opportunity.

Although not entirely common, the tele-interview may occur especially if you are applying for a position in another city or country. In some ways, it is less nerve wracking than the physical event, but its importance to your application is not diminished by any degree. Make the effort … even if you are sitting there in your pajamas. Ultimately, the interviewers want to grab you as much as you want to convince them. So, help them and you help yourself.

Guys Tell All! Pay Anttention all you women!

Why do guys check out other women?

Just Browsing

A Thinker asked:

Why can't guys control themselves when it comes to looking at other women? They stand there gawking at every "babe" walking by even when they're with their girlfriend or wife!

A Life of the Party answered:

According to Dr. Phil, this goes back to caveman days. And how does Dr. Phil know this? (Other than the fact that he looks like a Cro-Magnon?) Because other women are hot! LOL... Maybe you should look too once in a while!

Anyway, it's hard enough for guys to remember to put the toilet seat down... having to control our eye movements would take more brain power than we possess :)

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Because guys are more visually/sexually oriented. That's why most pornographic stuff is bought by guys. We love looking at women.

Also, it helps that we can separate love from sex such that we don't have to be "in love" to enjoy sex or sexual thoughts.

What sexual position do guys like most?

A Thinker asked:

Do men like women to be on top when having sex? Do you like it better if you're on top?

A Mr. Married Guy answered:

Men like it for many reasons: First, it allows the woman to show him the motion and depth she likes. Second, it's easier for him to maintain the erection. Third (and I hope I say this tastefully), the view is great. Fourth, he knows the woman is into the moment. Fifth, his hands are free to wander over his partner's beautiful body. I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Any position where both people can feel the body's different areas, inside and out, is very erotic. A woman being on top allows me to rest my back and legs and have a great view, and it gives me lots of places to touch and feel. I also like seeing the woman's face as she moves and makes wonderfully orgasmic sounds. Also, I think women like being top, and that makes it fun for me... my impression is that they seem to get the right types of stimulation this way.

We're not exclusive--so why is he jealous?

Booty Call Bingo

A Thinker asked:

A guy and I have been doing booty calls for over a year. The thing is, he gets mad when he calls me and hears other guys in the background. Why does he get so possessive if he claims he doesn't want a relationship?

A Player answered:

Because he's a schmuck, just like me! He wants the best of both worlds -- no commitment from his end, and total commitment from yours. He's probably got a half-dozen numbers to call, and when he's drunk and horny he plays Booty Call Bingo. Tell the chump the game's over.

A Guy Critical answered:

You're deceiving yourself when you say you aren't dating. You are dating, it's just that your dates consist of sex, not dinner and a movie. Also, jealousy and possessiveness aren't dependent on where in the "dating" stage you are. You can't sleep with someone for a year and not develop feelings for them. And even if you can, you'd be silly to expect him not to (in spite of what he may say).

Should I wait for him to say "I love you" for the first time?

It's Primal

A Sport if asked:

Should I say "I love you," or wait for my guy to say it first? And do guys feel they have to clarify if they're "in love," versus loving someone? (i.e. "I'm not IN LOVE with you, but I love you?"). What's the difference, and if he's not 'in love' with me, should I end it?

A Guy Critical answered:

News flash: no guy is going to understand what you're asking beyond the first sentence. We don't analyze our feelings that much. If he says he loves you, he means he loves you in the way that a man loves a woman, not in the way he loves football and beer.

An Intellectual Guy answered:

Men hate making themselves psychologically vulnerable, perhaps in the same way that women hate making themselves physically vulnerable. Revealing feelings of this sort in the schoolyard was a surefire way to get beaten up, and most men get scarred by the schoolyard in one way or another.

But most guys (pigs & players aside) will avoid saying "I love you" unless they're IN love with a girl.

Should you say it first? Well, if the thought is fairly new to you, you might want to wait a while. But if you've felt this way for months, you should move things along by letting him know.

I believe in getting the feelings out there and dealing with them in a straightforward way. Some guys don't want commitment. If that's the case with this guy -- well, frankly, you're better off finding out sooner rather than later.

How to Fall out of Love With Someone

Are you the victim of cruel fate? Does the "perfect" mate think you are just "cool?" Although it might feel like you'll never find somebody better, there are some ways you can move on...

Steps

1. Realize you are worth someone who loves you. You are worth someone who thinks you are beautiful and awesome. They might say "You are my best friend; I feel like I can talk to you more than anyone else, even my boyfriend/girlfriend." This is manipulation. So is the look they give you that makes you melt. It's always flattering to have an admirer, but you deserve better than to just be somebody's ego boost.
2. See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it'll be to get on with your life. It's completely possible that you're idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to; or you could simply not know the person well enough to have seen their flaws. Either way, accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you -- because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them.
3. Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. You don't have to cut the person off completely (although that is an option). Don't call him/her, don't go places where you know he/she frequents, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.
4. Date. While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to date people that you like. Don't settle for whomever asks you out, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don't love back! Approach people, try new things. You might want to compare everyone to the object of your affection, and you won't think anyone measures up. Stop this right now. You know there's someone better out there. Go find him or her!
5. Do whatever you can to make you feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, be wild, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see you for the great person you are! There are those out there who will.
6. Try cognitive conditioning similar to a Pavlov's dog's response. Every time you obsess over this person try thinking about something repulsive (Gonorrhea is a good one). Pretty soon, you will start associating this person with repulsion that eventually the person's name will invoke disgust.

Tips

• "Settle" is the key word here. You should never want someone to settle for you and that is exactly what would happen if they decided to get with you. They know you, all of the good and maybe even the bad. They know and they don't want it now. Their loss!

Warnings

• The object of your affection might notice you are distancing yourself from them. They will try to get you to see them more. Say you have been really busy with all of these new activities and you will make some time for them soon. Tell them you care for them, but you have other things to do too. You must have a life separate from theirs.

Things You'll Need

• A positive attitude
• The nerve to decline their calls
• The realization that you are the most important person in your life

5 Guys Every Gal Should Date Before Settling Down

So, you want a boyfriend. You're sick of the singles scene and ready to move right past "Go" and settle down with someone who will carry you straight into your happily ever after. Well, hold it right there, Miss Antsy-Pants! Before you go tango into the sunset with Mr. Right, you've got to take a few spins around the dating dance floor with a few Mr. Right Nows. Dating different personality types is the most effective way to find out your likes, dislikes and deal breakers. In fact, spending time with the wrong guys — namely these five — can actually make you a better package when Mr. Fabulous comes along.

Mr. Nice Romantic Guy

He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship, where you're being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he'll call.

Celebrity Counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco

What He'll Teach You: This affectionate man will show you a softer side of our male counterparts (what a relief to have someone fawn over you for a change!), all the while raising your expectations of how you wish to be treated. After realizing that there are guys out there who understand the importance of a random note or kiss in the moonlight, you'll be less likely to stay with someone who degrades or ignores you in the future.

The Catch: Most of the time these guys are in love with the idea of love. This means they will come on strong but lose momentum in the long haul as the reality of a relationship sets in (i.e., disagreements, uneventful days), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't date him and enjoy the experience! Just keep a level head while he floats around you.

Mr. Big Shot

He dresses sharp, talks slick and has the perfectly coiffed looks of a man straight out of a lad mag. One look at him in his tailored suit and you're toast — which is exactly why he wears it.

Celebrity Counterparts: Chris Noth as Mr. Big, any Bond

What He'll Teach You: From sending your nether regions to Brazil (Mr. Big Shot doesn't 'do' granny panties) to the proper way to age a Cabernet, you're in for a crash course in the finer way of life. Dinners will be four-star and the conversation will witty. You'll walk from this relationship more sophisticated and well-aware of your own inner vixen.

The Catch: As the 007 of romance, he's going in for the kill. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect it's having on you — and every other girl around him. The odds of this guy slipping out of his suit and into a comfy relationship are low, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the smooth ride around the town while it lasts.

Mr. Sexy Older Guy

He's old enough to have settled into his skin and has been involved with enough women to know that you require much more than dinner and a few martinis to get into the mood. Best of all, he never makes you late for dinner because he's playing Xbox.

Celebrity Counterparts: Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas

What He'll Teach You: He's got a lifetime of experience to share (in and out of the bedroom), which will likely keep you on your toes (and curling them, too!). Plus, he'll show you how to see life in a different way. No matter how long it lasts or how it ends, you'll walk away worldlier — and will never settle for a measly five minutes of foreplay again.

The Catch: Despite what Demi and Ashton might say, age is more than a number. If you are just starting to get comfortable in your skin and he's shed his several times, there is a good chance you'll have issues with long-term compatibility. Sure, he's hot now, but how will you feel in 10 years? Give one another a thrill, then move onto someone you both can relate to.

Mr. Man's Man

He carries your bags, will defend your honor and would rather swallow glass than shave his chest or take hot wax to his eyebrows.

Celebrity Counterparts: Frank Sinatra, Russell Crowe

What He'll teach You: This rough rogue will have you relishing in your femininity like no other. Why? There is something about raw masculinity that brings out the damsel in all of us. Dating this bruiser will show you how fun it can be when he shows you who the man is (think Rhett Butler when he scooped Scarlett up those stairs!). Dating him will do one of two things: make you squeal with delight or appreciate your ability and right to wear the pants sometimes. Regardless, be sure to play Scarlett at least once — trust us!

The Catch: You're dying to be wined and dined but he's already made plans to meet you down at the pub. This is the guy who gets inspired by Braveheart and cries only "out of frustration." He's also prone to affairs… with his favorite sports teams. Oh, and forget about asking him to hold your purse while you do anything — he wouldn't dare.

Mr. Fun Social Guy

Whether he's out with friends or meeting the family for brunch, one thing's for certain: He's going to be the life of the party.

Celebrity Counterparts: Will Farrell, Vince Vaughn

What He'll Teach You: There is something very attractive about a man who's always ready to have a good time. You'll laugh a lot and learn how to go with the flow and let things slide. These types are often quite spontaneous, which means you should be ready for anything from a quickie to a quick dash to Vegas.

The Catch: Most people are social because they like the company of others, but Fun Social Guys are social because they love to be the center of attention — and they love the excitement of something new. This poses an issue for long-term loves because A) who wants to be an audience member 24/7, and B) let's face it, relationships can get dull at times — what will he do then? Enjoy the roller-coaster ride, but don't be afraid to walk away to more stable ground.

Would Somebody Please Explain My Husband?

A well-known Christian author and his wife once summed up their relationship in 13 words: "Put us together, and we add up to a fairly decent human being."

I enjoyed their self-deprecating sense of humor, and only later realized they were rephrasing a profound biblical truth: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

When two people become one, they compensate for each other's deficiencies. If I were left to my own devices, for instance, I'd turn into the Tom Hanks character in Cast Away. But team me up with my wife, Jeanette, the Queen of Sociability, and I turn into a reasonably presentable human being.

While we husbands benefit greatly from being married, we often don't communicate it well. Women are into relational nuances—the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning. Men basically wonder if there are any more mashed potatoes.

One night, Jeanette and I sat quietly, enjoying ourselves in the corner of a candle-lit restaurant. Then, out of nowhere, she looked into my eyes and said, "Let's talk about our relationship." It always makes me nervous when she says that.

Relationships are usually complex, and guys are pretty basic. A husband tends to think in concrete terms. Instead of pondering his marriage, he'll picture the woman he comes home to at night, the woman with whom he has children, the woman with whom he shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.

What else about your husband do you wish you understood? Let me toss out seven things that might help explain a few of your husband's odd behaviors.

1 A man does more talking—and listening—when he's unaware it's happening.

Most guys don't overwhelm their wife with deep inner feelings! However, there's a way to get your husband to share what's going on inside. It involves talking to him the same way his buddies do—while doing something else. Men go fishing, watch a ball game, or help each other move a pool table down to the basement. And of course, they talk a lot while they're doing these things.

For Jeanette and me, all it took was building a wood rack together. I got out the lumber and power tools; Jeanette gathered the nails, screws, and tape measure. Amid the noise and sawdust, she told me she was struggling over whether we should make a long-distance road trip to visit her parents. I'd already told her I'd do whatever she decided, but Jeanette needed to talk out the options. While we built a rack to hold our firewood, we discussed the pros and cons. What else could I do? I had to hang around until we finished the wood rack.

Take it from me. If you start doing more stuff with your husband, you'll find he actually has a lot to say. And he'll listen a lot better, too.

2 If a man pauses before answering a question, that doesn't mean he's losing interest in the conversation.

Guys really get into it when they're verbally sparring with their buddies, so you might wonder why your husband can't invest that kind of passion in sharing with you.

When a guy "shares" with his wife, he knows his every utterance carries a meaning even he doesn't realize. So he's extra careful about what he says. That explains the frequent pauses.

One night after dinner, Jeanette came back to the table and sat down as I was reading the newspaper. Jeanette wanted to talk about how I was dealing with our recent move. In the months since we'd left the Midwest, I'd been saying how thrilled I was to be living in Colorado. This was beginning to wear on Jeanette, who wondered if I still had a beating heart in my chest.

Finally, I laid the newspaper aside. "I don't miss the weather or the traffic," I told her. "But I do really miss Ed and Joann. We always had a great time when we got together. I hope they'll come visit us."

Jeanette tells me I revealed this sense of loss amid several pauses. She resisted the urge to hurry the conversation by guessing what I missed most. She told me later her patience paid off when I finally indicated I was hurting about some of the people we'd left behind.

(Note to any husband reading this article: If your wife sits down at the dinner table after the meal, lay down the newspaper. That's one of those silent signals we're supposed to pick up on.)

3 If your husband likes to hang around the house, he's actually paying you a compliment.

Here's one way to tell if your husband thinks your marriage is going well. He won't work late unless he absolutely has to, and he won't overload his schedule with meetings and golf dates with his buddies. The reason? He'd rather be home with you.

Sounds good so far, right? But let's say you've had a terrible week, and as Friday approaches, all you can think about is getting out of the house for a quiet dinner and maybe even a movie. You can picture the restaurant, taste the appetizer, even smell the popcorn at the theater. But your husband gets home from work on Friday and all he wants to do is stay put. Before you take it personally, remember that if he wants to hang out at home, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to do something with you. It just means he wants to do something with you at home. I realize a steady diet of staying home eventually will drive you up the wall. But for now, take it as a compliment. Maybe next Friday he'll have more ambition.

4 When your husband's a little short with you, 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you.

Some things that really bug your husband are taxes, bills, his boss, and the ever-present threat of male pattern baldness. For me, the most frequent low-level life stress is automobile-related. Our cars break down with unnerving regularity.

One afternoon, Jeanette called me from work to say that when she pulled into her office parking lot, steam poured out from under our van's hood. I picked up some antifreeze, several jugs of water, and headed off to her office. Sitting at a red light, I made a mental list of what causes coolant to leak: a cracked radiator or heater hose, a bad water pump, or the worst possibility—a blown head gasket.

By the time I arrived at Jeanette's office, I'd worked myself into a lather over the likelihood this repair would drain us financially. That means I wasn't all smiles and affectionate greetings when Jeanette walked out to meet me. As I poured antifreeze into the radiator and watched a new green pool form on the ground, I asked Jeanette to follow me to the repair shop. Then I took off down the street.

Here's the significant thing about this story: Jeanette didn't take my fit of pique personally. She understood I was angry at the situation, not at her. (Now to any guy reading this: It was the head gasket. It set us back $1,800.)

So if your husband acts less than chummy and you wonder if it's something you said, think about what else has happened in his life. He probably had some huge, last-minute project dumped on his desk that afternoon. Or maybe he just opened the mail and looked at the VISA bill. You, he loves. The credit card bill he'd gladly burn at the stake.

5 The words husband and hint don't belong in the same sentence.

I maintain there's a perfectly good explanation for why guys are clueless. It's because wives like to hint around at what they mean; then they wonder why their husbands aren't responding.

Take last Thanksgiving, for instance. Jeanette and I had a houseful of guests, some of whom were watching football in the family room. Being a good host, I figured I'd watch it with them. Just then, from the kitchen, Jeanette said, and I quote, "Ron." She used that tone that means I'd messed up—without specifying the infraction.

"Should I feed the fire?" I asked. That wasn't it. "Do you want me to help you get the dishes out?" Not that, either. "Is it time for me to take drink orders?" Wrong again. Finally, I hit on it. "You don't want me to watch football while other guests visit in the living room, do you?" Bingo! At last I'd guessed correctly. But it would have been less frustrating if Jeanette had just said, "I don't think you should watch football while the other guests entertain themselves in another room." If she'd uttered those words, I would have caught on. Honest.

6 Many men are clothing challenged.

Forget those immaculately attired GQ guys; a chimpanzee would look great if he had a team of trained professionals picking out his clothes, too. Assuming you're married to a regular guy, chances are your husband suffers from a combination of fashion blindness and ensemble dyslexia. Sometimes we freeze up. Does this tie go with this jacket? Are these socks black or navy blue? If I wear the pink polo shirt, will other guys start asking me out?

I have a friend who had to make a big presentation at work, and he wanted to make a good impression. That morning, he noticed a new sweater hanging on his side of the closet and was overcome by a wave of gratitude. His wife, realizing the importance of this presentation, had been thoughtful enough to buy him a really nice sweater.

He wore the stylish garment to work, gave the presentation, and came home to tell his wife about it. She listened attentively, then asked, "But why did you wear my sweater?"

I'm not saying guys are clothing idiots; I'm just saying we can use a little help. If it weren't for our wives, we'd be giving people the fashion willies every time we left the house.

7 A guy likes to put disagreements behind him.

Most guys think there's only one proven method of making up after an argument, and that involves getting physically close. My friend Michael speaks for a multitude of husbands when he says that as soon as the fight's over, physical contact with his wife helps him feel things are once again okay.

"I don't carry grudges," he says. "But Susan's different. When we strongly disagree about something, or when I've hurt her in some way, she feels distant from me, and it takes more time than I'd like to get close again. As for me, I can get close within minutes of a fight, even if it really hurt my feelings."

Michael's prescription for reconnecting after an argument: "Sex at a time like this? Sure!" To that, the men of the husband brotherhood add: "Why not?"

In the immortal words of Phil Callaway, author of I Used to Have Answers, Now I Have Kids (Harvest House): "We husbands have three desires in life: food, sex, and. … we can't think of the third thing. Seriously, a happy guy makes a great husband. And it doesn't take much to make us happy."

I can't speak for Phil, but I remember the third thing that keeps me happy. Every few weeks, I need Jeanette to tell me whether my brown loafers go with the khaki trousers or the navy blue pants. Every time she clarifies this for me, I'm a really happy man.

A Man’s World!

Has the world of makeup opened up to the less refined gender? Lately it’s difficult to tell where the trends are going. While skin care regimes and salon hair products used to only be found in a woman’s medicine cabinet, this is no longer the case. This expanding beauty craze is only growing stronger. Especially since makeup is no longer exclusive.

Are you one of those new-age men who dab a little concealer over a razor bump or blemish? Well, if you are, you’re certainly not alone. If you take a gander at the current gargantuan cosmetic market these days, you’ll soon notice that makeup for men in becoming rather normal. Let’s face it; it was bound to happen. For the past decade at least, males have been indulging in the benefits of skin care products. From gentle cleansers, to nighttime moisturizers, to fine eye creams; men simply can’t get enough.

In more recent times, men have turned over a new leaf. They want to look nice, and whether women admit it or not, they want their men to look spiffy. This is why men are testing the makeup waters. From concealers, to powders, even to eyeliners, men’s makeup is making its way into modern society. Especially younger generations are dabbling with the concept in order to look nicer.

If you think about it, men’s grooming products aren’t anything new. Fine aftershaves and shaving creams have been around for quite awhile. What about the face and body bronzers? Men definitely aren’t strangers to this scene. With the age of fashion at hand, and a continuous focus on image, men are simply evolving with the years. So much more is becoming acceptable for both genders as time moves forward.

Regardless of your personal preference, or viewpoint on the growing trend of makeup for men, one thing is for sure; it’s not going to fade out. Too many contemporary males are rolling with the times of change. That blotchy skin or annoying zit, no longer has to draw so much unwanted attention until it finally goes away. Men everywhere are choosing to adapt better grooming habits. While taking good care of your skin with quality products is imperative, not everyone wants to flash those minor imperfections with grace. Instead, the trend of male makeup is flourishing. Many of the traditional gender roles and routines are slowly morphing together and applying to both sexes. Although certain things will always remain the same, some gender barriers were just meant to be broken.

Are Your Girl’s Good Looks Worth The High Maintenance?

Gentlemen, let`s be sincere - this is a matter of self-assessment. She`s juggling a demanding list of priorities; and if she’s doing it all with the composure of a goddess, there`s more at work than she`s letting you see. If it feels like she`s slacking off on her grooming a bit as your relationship progresses, don`t be too disappointed. She`s only human.

Despite how casual a woman may make the Superstar Illusion seem - hours, years, and loads of shopping, research, touch-ups and effort have gone into her appearance. It isn`t uncommon for a girl to spend about four hours getting ready for those first few dates.

Men do the same things, to some degree; but let`s face it. A woman`s societal value is largely judged by her appearance before other qualities. Whether you believe in these judgment standards or not, you were on some subconscious level exposed to their teachings since before your age became a whole number.

For those of you who do accept these ideals and openly think that it`s important for a woman to always look her best, don`t be ashamed. It`s okay to feel that way. What matters is whether the woman you`re with holds that same opinion. (And be sure to spot the closest emergency exit if you want to voice that opinion around unfamiliar females.)

The point where reality clashes with these cultural ideals is that, despite all of the good qualities that we are intended to foster, our time and energy is limited. It isn`t possible to have the perfect body, academic history, health, relationship, job, family, home, and the perfect state of mind. With a significant amount of effort, however, one may be able to straddle an illusion of having all these things. The real-world truth is that it takes work and compromise - or a lot of luck and good genes.

If you`re one of the many men who are brave enough to admit that you want a girl who has it all, be ready to look at her realistically - especially if you want her presentability to be paramount. A killer body can eat away hours every day at the gym; sleek, hair-free skin on limbs south of the eyebrows is expensive, laborious, and often painful to maintain; an immaculate complexion is nearly impossible to come by. Those awesome, matching lace bra-and-panty sets probably don`t come in multiples of thirty in her closet. There`s got to be a ratty, gray training bra in there somewhere.

Guys are commonly baffled when the diva they got on the first date slowly starts looking plainer. No, she`s not getting lazy. Considering everything in her life she has to micromanage, she now has a blooming relationship to look after, which will be gradually taking up more of her time. That means less time primping.

It`s much like when a woman complains that her sweetheart doesn`t take her out to fancy restaurants anymore or buy her jewelry on every lesser occasion, like St. Patrick`s Day. Guys` resources are just as finite as their girlfriend`s; and a stable, involved relationship entails moving past the wooing phase in which you put forth an unusual effort to impress, towards a more intimate arrangement in which you begin sharing realities. In reality, if nobody`s seeing their legs... a lot of gals don`t shave them every day.

Keep in mind that if you feel nostalgic of those first few knockout days, the best way to bring out the diva in her is to take her on a fancy date again. Effort shown is duly rewarded.

What Men Consider Beautiful

It`s a question that has baffled women for ages. What do men consider beautiful in women? Most of us believe men only see looks as beautiful simply because the media believes it is true. They show us busty females with perfect bodies plastered across our television screens, billboards, and posters, or skinny little models posing in barely there undergarments and designer clothing and we automatically think; "The woman of every man`s dreams". But ask any guy and you may very well be surprised to learn those perfect bodies and skinny models are far from his dream girl.

Recently, an online survey discovered that men preferred women with an average size body and curves to those whose bodies bared more bone than fat; like the models we see on the runways.

However, even while an average size body did turn their heads, it was actually a woman`s personality that men considered beautiful the most. They also think that a woman with self-confidence is beautiful. Kind, caring and sincere were three other attributes that were also considered beautiful in a woman as well as a woman who is willing to listen to him and engage in conversation with him.

And what did they find beautiful as far as looks? When it comes to physical attributes, the eyes have it. Men also confessed that women with natural average-sized breasts were more beautiful than women with breast implants. And when it comes to women`s fashion they think we look beautiful in casual clothing verses neat. And what underwear did they find beautiful on a woman? Surprisingly, average and feminine beat out the skimpy erotic panties found on models in adult magazines. Even more surprising, the surveys found that men thought women with a barely there, natural makeup looked more beautiful than women who wear a lot of makeup.

So what gives? Apparently guys are finding out that there`s more than meets the eye when it comes to a woman being beautiful. Men would rather get to know a woman and discover that she is beautiful naturally instead of just judging her from the way she looks and finding out that she`s really an ugly person on the inside. They’re discovering what we’ve known all along, that true beauty lies within.

And what about all of the wonderful mothers and grandmothers out there? Well smile, because while they might not admit it, a survey found that the men in your life secretly think you’re beautiful too!

So does this mean that we`ll be saying adios to those perfect and skinny bodies in the media too? Probably not, since the media knows that there`s still a whole new generation of young men who are willing to believe that age-old tactic of "Sex sells". Still, we have begun to notice that more and more average and curvy size women are making their presence known in Hollywood and we’re loving it!

Confession of a Hollywood publicist.

Think your boss is hell to work with? Working as a Tinseltown publicist gives new meaning to the word “slave”.

By Georgia Cassimatis

Getting into business

About six years ago I was working as a television publicist for a major network when one of the television hosts I worked for asked me to be her personal publicist. I was looking forward to dealing with just one person’s demands rather than the huge egos of television actors who are always screaming, yelling and crying as to why other cast members get more press than they were, or better treatment. Soon after, the television star I worked for started getting work in the US, which is how I ended up working in Hollywood.

It’s not what you know

Being a publicist in Tinseltown means you’re always out on the partycircuit and hanging out with A-listers. Because I started cultivating a huge social circle of top celebs, companies and magazines from around the world contacted me to try and get access to the stars. That’s when I decided to open my own publicity company. Almost immediately stars were calling me because they heard about all the deals I was able to make. Without a shadow of doubt, the old Hollywood adage is true: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. Many a good business deal can be done over a bottle of vodka. The beauty about my job also is that I can pick, choose and dump who I want to represent, and who I don’t.

Dirty diva antics

No matter how rich they are, they’re all greedy for clothes; I’ve had A-listers spit the dummy because the stylist hasn’t bought them enough clothes, or if they won’t let them keep it. I’ve seen them stash their bags and run out the door and of course I’m left explain that I really have no idea where the clothes went, knowing full well my client has done a “Wynona Rider” and done a runner.

They hit people

The worst diva behaviour I’ve seen was when we were in Australia and the star’s assistant hadn’t deposited money into her account. She screamed at the top of her lungs, slapped her across her face, and the poor girl had a red handprint on her check for the rest of the day. Its clichéd but true: They spit the dummy if the don’t have the “right” mineral water. I was slapped once for only having Fuji water, and not Evian.

They’re spoilt brats

They always complain about their five-star hotel rooms not smelling right, not being vacuumed properly, not being big enough, the windows not opening, not having a piano – even though they don’t know the first music. A lot of the time my jaw just drops thinking some people would kill just to spend time in a beautiful hotel.

I’ve also seen them clear shelves in clothes shops because they didn’t like the sale assistant. They just pull the clothes off the racks and say, “well now you have something to do.”

Another horrible scenario I witnessed was when an actress I worked with for just seven days treated her family with complete disdain. I won’t say what show she’s on now, but I will say she was on Ally McBeal. She’s really wealthy and her family is dirt poor. Because she gets so many freebies, she was going to throw them out. Her family asked if they could have some. She said they could have it, but only if they paid the shipping cost. When they couldn’t afford it. I was so horrified I couldn’t represent her any longer.

The downside to fame

The sad part is I always notice that the higher up the ladder a celebrity goes the lonelier they become, purely because there are more users around them. If they haven’t worked through their issues, they start on a downward spiral. Poor Lindsay Lohan; she’s resorted to using her troubled childhood to publicise her album. There’s also a reason Mary-Kate Olsen dresses like a bag lady; she’s hiding a lot of unresolved issues. I think it’s slave labour when parents put them in the entertainment industry at such a young age.

Drugs, boyfriends and the lazy Diva Diet

Bulimia is and always will be an issue: I’ve seen many a girl throw up. It’s not the majority of celebs, but the lazy ones who don’t want to work out. I can always spot it when I walk into their hotel suite first thing in the morning and there’s every item on the breakfast menu that’s been half eaten. What amazes me is they think you don’t know. They go to the bathroom after eating, and if you’re close enough to the bathroom door you can hear the silence of the two fingers down the backs of their throat. I always think, “Damm, and I’ve just paid for all that!”

Drugs play a huge part in Hollywood circles too. It’s common knowledge that everyone’s on the “C” diet. The whole Kate Moss thing was just unlucky because she wasn’t doing anything different to what the majority of stars and celebs do, she was just betrayed by someone.

Pot is huge; a couple of my clients smoke it all day, and I’m always going through my client’s luggage to make sure they not carrying any illegal paraphernalia. I had one client who was so comatose all the time I never bothered asking her what drugs or pills she was taking.

Boyfriends too are almost always a problem. Whenever any of my clients get involved with a man I cringe because they always seem to be getting done over. At the same time they always go for the pretty boys just so they look good on the red carpet.

But it’s usually a total nightmare for me: I play the scenario out in my head all the time: He’s going to get sick of being her handbag and then he starts getting possessive, then he hates me because I spend more time with them, then they start hating the fact that woman makes more money than he does, or he’s the opposite to all of that and just becomes a parasitical loser who doesn’t do anything, but just annoy me.

One of the worst conversations I ever heard between a client and her boyfriend was when she said to him, “Don’t you know who I am! I can do whatever I like. I’m more famous than you. What have you done in the last three years anyway? You’d be nothing without me!” Then she wondered why that person ended up punching her. I’m not endorsing domestic violence, but it’s not the nicest way to be spoken to is it?

They’re uneducated

The level of education some of these Hollywood brat packers have is really horrifying. Then they’re supposed to know how to deal with the media on the red carpet. For me it’s often bad business when I take them to an event and they’re so rude that everyone ends up hating them; the photographer, the sons and daughters of the rich and famous who think they can be this way, but they don’t realize the reason people get treated well by the media is because you have to court them. I’ve had a client make a writer wait five hours, so of course that writer isn’t going to say anything nice, and why would they?

Dishing some more dirt

Because I don’t represent the following celebs, I’ll just go hell for leather and dish the dirt: Everyone knows Whitney Houston has a huge coke addiction and has been in rehab more times than you can imagine. She’s always out screaming at her husband and wiping her nose from all the coke.

Recently I saw Tori Spelling out in a three day night-clubbing binge with a boyfriend, still wearing the same clothes.

I’m pretty sure Tom Cruise isn’t gay because if he was, he’d be done for perjury for suing all those mags.

Celebs never sue otherwise; or if you notice, a lot of them “threaten” to sue, and actually don’t because a lot of the time, what they print is true.

Madonna is notorious for making his men pay for everything. She never treats her guys to anything. One of her exes is a friend of mine and he nearly went broke, running up thousands of dollars in debt keeping up with her, and then she just dumped him for Guy Ritchie. But he still gets laid because he lives off this story and women love it.

It’s common knowledge that Brad Pitt’s just a tart. It’s crap that he left Jennifer because she didn’t want to have a kids; it’s the other way around. He just wanted to play around, which is a shame.

They slag each other

Loads of slagging, bitching, back-stabbing and hate emails go around about each other. I’ve been in trailer with an ensemble cast of women on a famous show who all deliberately talk at the top of their voices on the phone to their agents saying, “Oh great, so I’ll get $500,00 for that commercial and $300,000 for that deal” and of course a lot of screaming starts. One of them yelled out, “I’m not letting that bitch get it all!”

They love the paparazzi

I really loathe the annoying myth that celebrities “hate” the paparazzi. Are you kidding? AQ struggling star would happily pay paparazzi to appear in the in front of their house. Then, when they get really big, they pretend that the paparazzi are such a headache. How do you think Hilton become such a well-known person? She direct-dials the paps! Everyone does!

I always let the paps know where my clients are. That’s why clients hire me; they want as much exposure as possible. More exposure means more photos in the tabloids, which means more freebies. And let me tell you, they are all freebies-obsessed.

Money talks

I’ve since represented over 100 A-listers. To be honest though I don’t think they really like working with me, but it’s not about that. It’s all about knowing I can get them deals, money and exposure. Regardless what any actor or actress tells you; if they say they’re in the business for the love of it, it’s crap. They don’t really care who makes them the money as long as someone is making it. I laugh when I hear a publicist say “I really care about my client’s career”. Yeah, right.

Profile equals dollars

I do get tired of all the antics, but the motto is “profile equals dollars”. The higher your profile, the more money there is to be made, so you have to keep yourself in the magazines. If celebs weren’t out partying constantly and being pictured in mags, no one would know who they are. Hollywood is definitely seedy, but I actually really like that.

10 Things He Doesn’t Need To Know

Honesty is not always the best policy, says Sam Delaney. There are some secrets you really should “forget” to tell him.

You’ve met a man you really like. It’s more than just his devilish good looks, beguiling charm and tireless voluntary work nursing sick animals that you find attractive. He’s a soul mate. You can trust him. You could tell him your deepest, darkest secrets and he wouldn’t judge you, would he?

To be honest, it depends on the secret. Tell him you took five attempts to pass your driving test or you once ran over a rat, and he’s unlikely to be shocked. Those are easy-to-swallow secrets he’ll appreciate your sharing. But don’t think he’ll react to all your confession with such good humour. Remember: A woman’s allure is partly down to her mystery. We blokes like to think of you as precious creatures who rarely perspire, break wind or sprout hair in unusual places. We’re kind of deluded like that. And it’s best you leave us that way. After all, the most important thing in a relationship is knowing when to keep your mouth shut. So before you tell your life story to your boyfriend, here’s a list of secrets it’s probably best “forget” to tell him.

1.”I’ve slept with 53 people”

Even if you’ve had sex with a paltry 49 people. Or a minuscule 20. Or a barely worth mentioning 12. In fact, if you’ve slept with anything more than two men, do not tell your fella. At best, he’ll assume you were working in the porn industry before met each other. At worst, he’ll be so intimidated by your weight of sexual experience that he’ll never be able to perform in the sack again.

It’s worth bearing in mind, incidentally, that no man in Britain has had more than nine sexual partners, whatever they say. Apart from Tom Jones, of course, but he’s too old for you anyway.

2.”I’ve only slept with one another bloke”

It’s commonly thought every bloke likes to imagine his girlfriend was a virgin before she met him. This is a myth. We don’t want anyone who’s been round the houses a few times, but we do like a girl with a moderate amount of experience in the sack.

That way, at least we know she’ll have picked up a few racy bedtime man oeuvres to surprise us with. But more importantly than that, we like to think our girlfriend has sampled a few alternatives before realizing we were the absolute best on offer.

Bagging a girl who’s had no previous experience makes us feel we’ve bought something from the bargain bin at a department store that nobody else wanted – the girlfriend equivalent of a Peter Andre CD. Plus, we are scared an inexperienced girlfriend might eventually decide she wants to play the field and leave us, which if that’s our attitude, she probably should.

3.”I’ve been single for the last five years”

Okay, so let’s get this straight. You had a few boyfriends in the past then, all of a sudden, a five-year barren spell? What happened? You couldn’t get over your last boyfriend? You’ve been in jail? You were in coma.

In a bloke’s mind, there is never a simple explanation. If we were sane, balanced people, we would be flattered someone so picky had finally been tempted into a relationship by our wily charms. But, let’s face it; we’re neither of these things, so we’ll probably just assume you’re some kind of international terrorist who’s been on the run from the CIA for five years. Or just a demented bunny boiler who no else would touch with a long pole.

4. “I bleach my moustache”

When we first get together, we only see you girls at your best: Dressed up dead posh with loads of make-up, a tumbly hairdo and lashing of heavily loaded flirtation. It’s great, but we don’t realize you’ve made a special effort to be that way. We assume you wake up looking stunning.

As for the flirtation, we like to think it’s the inevitable result of our animal magnetism. Once we discover the array of cunning tricks you employ to make yourselves so alluring, we get slightly upset.

Finding out that you actually shave your legs with a razor to make them so smooth is a bit like discovering that Santa doesn’t really exist at all: We can live to live with it, but life is never quite the same again. The same goes for discovering your eyelashes are false or you wear a push-up bra.

Discovering you have a moustache you bleach is the same – only much, much, much worse. Suddenly, every time we close our eyes to kiss you, we see Tom Selleck.

5.”I Have/have had a mildly embarrassing medical disorder”

Diarrhea. Irritable bowel syndrome. Washerwoman’s elbow.

Admittedly, we don’t even know what most of these illnesses actually are – but we don’t like sound of them. Like so many male attitudes, this is completely hypocritical. After all, if we had it ourselves, we’d moan endlessly to you and expect constant sympathy. But if you had it, well, it would be a bit off-putting to stay the least.

The only illnesses girls should have are mild colds that necessitate cute little sneezes. Anything more severe than that (and involves you spending half a day in the loo) then, in our minds you instantly become akin to that possessed girl out of The Exorcist. Not a good look.

6.”I slept with someone you know”

We know you’ve had sex with other people. We have details impressions of them in our imaginations: They’re pathetic, ugly and useless in the sack. Their names are Gideon, Eugene or Hugh. We can live with that. What we can’t live with is actually knowing the person you once shared a bed/sofa/kitchen table with. We might even find ourselves picturing it. This will make us sick, then tearful, then furios, then irreversibly insane for the rest of our lives.

It doesn’t matter if it was our brother who you slept with or an obscure colleague who are we hardly we know. It doesn’t matter if you shagged then last month or six years ago. It doesn’t matter if you shagged them before we’d met: You committed a terrible act of disloyalty. Even if they really are called Eugene. So if we ask, lie.

7.”I didn’t fancy you at first”

Perhaps you think we should be complimented, flattered even, that despite our lack of natural, physical attractiveness, we managed to win you around with our sense of humour. Well, that’s all very nice but it’s no replacement for a girl telling us she sets eyes on us. We know it’s more important for a girl to love our soul. But we’d much rather she loved our steely eyes, broad shoulder and arresting smile.

Yep, we might not spend as much time applying face-paints as you girls do but, trust me, we’re twice as vain. Even those of us who are weaklings still like to picture ourselves as Paul Newman in his prime or Brad Pitt in Troy. And the fact we have a girlfriend serves as vindication of that fantasy.

So if your boyfriend asks, “What did you think when you first set eyes on me?” just reply, “I almost fainted!” That way, you’re not necessarily lying to him.

8.”I shagged someone famous”

My friend, Justin, had been going out with a girl for two months when she dropped this bombshell. A pop singer came on the telly, “I quite like him,” said Justin. “Do you?” grinned his girlfriend. “That funny, because I’ve shagged him.”

How did she think he’d react? Impressed? Happy? Amused? None of the above. The singer was spectacularly rich, talented and muscular. Justin looked around his tatty flat, then down at hid slightly flabby midriff and hung his head in shame.

From then on, he was always trying to live up to an impossibly high benchmark. “He was rubbish! You much better than him!” insisted his girlfriend. But it was too late for Justin. The last time I saw him, the poor bloke was thinking about taking up singing lessons and entering a talent contest.

9.”I hate your favorite band”

Women have cuddly toys or family pets they feel a deep, irrational affection for. Blokes have bands. Usually one band in particular. It could be Coldplay, Iron Maiden or The Village People. It doesn’t really matter who they are – all that’s important to you, as our loyal girlfriend, pretend to like them too.

Most girls are skilled at doing this. In the early stages of relationship they’ll feign a genuine enthusiasm for the band by attending gigs and even downloading a couple of their albums into their iPod. But once things get a bit cosier, they think its okay to come clean and admit: “Actually, I much prefer The Sugababes.” Bad idea. This is not just music to us. Our favourite band defines almost everything to us. Saying you don’t like them is like saying you don’t like our mother. In fact, it’s actually slightly worse.

10. “My ex-boyfriend and I used to root, for a different team”

And if you think we’re fanatical about music; don’t even get us started on football. If you used to enjoy watching Chelsea play with your stupid ex so much, then why don’t you take yourself off to Stamford Bridge to see if he’s there? I’m off to the park to burn every photo of us ever taken.