Is your relationship making you sick?

A new research shows treading water in a so-so relationship can actually be bad for your health, raising stress levels and blood pressure. Find out here how healthy is your relationship and how to help it recover if it's under the weather..

1. Too healthy for your own good?
Couple that never argue may be setting themselves up for a fall. One of the key ways in which relationships grow is by partners learning to reconcile their differences.

Take Action-Don't be afraid to be your own person. Being loved-up is fantastic, but it can make you very self-absorbed. It can also end up costing you if you let it change things in terms of your other relationships, your work of your health.

2. A clean bill of health
Being a stable relationship means you have a haven, regardless of the problems the outside world decides to throw at you. Being in a relationship that offers mutual support will boost your confidence and well-being. This might help to explain why people who've been happily married for years tend to live longer.

Take Action-Keep up the good work! But remember, if you've not being together for long, you may still be experiencing the 'high' of falling in love. Once normality sets in, you may find you have to work harder to keep the spark alive. Surprise dinners or sending sexy text messages will help.

3. Looking a bit peaky
A so-so relationship can be even worst for your health than a bad one. Being in a constant state of uncertainty about whether to continue your relationship can cause feelings of guilt, anxiety, insecurity and raise your blood pressure. This is often when people have affairs.

Take Action-Take this as an opportunity to rediscover all the reasons you got together. Try to rekindle feelings of intimacy. People have 'love nerves' throughout the body, which send strong feelings of contentment to the brain when stroked. So indulge in some massage and make quality 'we' time.

4.Call 999!
Studies show that illness rates are much higher for people in an unsatisfactory relationship. Women tend to take on the role of carers in a relationship. This can mean juggling a career with household tasks, resulting stress, sleep deprivation and depression.

Take Action-It's make -or-break time and you have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. If you've invested a lot of time in it and children are involved, try to work together to see if the relationship can be improved. This may mean seeking professional help.

Do You Have Obsessively Jealous Partner?

One of the emotions that most couples experience at some point in their relationship is jealousy. Jealousy may best be described as an emotion that arises when one person feels that someone else is giving the attention they deserve to another person. In addition to attention, a partner may feel jealous if his or her partner gives time, love, or affection to someone else. Jealousy can become a problem in a relationship, as the partner who is feeling jealous begins to dominate and control their partner’s behavior. Additionally, jealousy is caused when one person perceives a threat to the stability of their relationship, and they may begin to act in inappropriate ways to try to remove the threat. This is when the actions of a jealous partner may begin to cross the lines and become obsessive.

An obsessively jealous partner may try to control the actions of the other person. This may include trying to limit who they see, talk to, where they go, and who they spend time with. They may begin monitoring phone calls, checking emails, or even stalk the other person. Since jealousy is rooted in resentment, if the person who is becoming obsessed begins to perceive that there is cause for jealousy, their obsession may become explosive. One of the dangers of jealousy is that the more the mind begins to ponder scenarios, the easier it is to be fooled into believing that the partner is engaging in suspicious behavior. This creates a cycle that may quickly escalate into uncontrollable behavior.

Obsessive jealousy can be a dangerous mix of emotions and may be detrimental to a relationship. Unfortunately, there is no way of predicting whether a potential partner will experience obsessive jealousy or not. However, you should always be aware of the early signs and deal with this type of behavior as soon as you recognize it.

Extreme and obsessive jealousy is usually attributed to low self-esteem or personal problems. Many times, someone becomes jealous because they feel that they are inadequate. The only time that jealousy may be defined as “justified” is if the partner has broken the trust, usually by cheating. However, it is often obsessive jealousy that may cause the injured partner to realize that they can no longer continue in the relationship. Often when trust is betrayed, the other partner may agree to forgive and try to work things out, only to discover that they are plagued with jealousy. Sometimes, the jealousy becomes so great that the relationship becomes toxic and must end.

If you or your partner are experiencing obsessive jealousy, you should stop and take a long hard look at yourself. First, you should determine where the jealousy is coming from and truly ask yourself if the jealousy is unfounded. It may be possible that you are projecting past failures from previous relationships on your partner and accusing them or feeling jealous without reasonable cause. Trying to think rationally when feeling overwhelmed with jealousy may be very difficult, however, if you or your partner plan on saving your relationship, you will need to address the underlying insecurities that are contributing to the jealousy and resolve them.

Relationship Comparison Syndrome

Why trying to compete with other couples is bad news for your love life?

If you could choose to be part of any celebrity duo, which one would be top of your list? Heath and Michelle? Nicole and Keith? Cameron and Justin? Be honest - you've thought about what it would be like - we all have and that's cool because we know there's no way we will ever be running with the Paris or Angelina crowd. But it's an altogether different story if you're comparing yourself to the couples on your social radar. By constantly noting how boyfriend's behaviour compares with other's boyfriend's, whether or not you hold hands as often as other couples or get a good enough bithday present compared with your bestie, you're setting youself up for plenty of relationship dissatisfaction and bedroom fights.

"Trying to jugde how good, strong, loving or committed your own relationship is by weighing it up against couples around you is a big mistake," says relationship counselor, Taylor Ferguson. "It puts you into a head space where you are likely to look for the negatives rather than the positives. How a relationship appears on the outside is no indication of what it's really like. For example, a couple who can't keep their in public may fight lots at home or have a great sex life but very poor communication about other issues."

1."They have sex three times a week or more - what's wrong with us?"
You ring and your girlfriend answer the phone giggling and saying she can't talk because they're busy getting their gear off or you meet them for dinner and they keep nuzzling and nibbling each other's ears. These two just can't keep their hands off each other and they make a point of letting everyone know it. On one hand, it makes your skin crawl and sometimes you feel like rolling your eyes and saying, "would you two just get a hotel room?"

On the other hand, their hot sex life makes you feel both envious and inadequate. You wouldn't mind it if your boyfriend desired you that much and you keep telling them so. But because he doesn't, you figure your sex life is somewhat under par.

The big picture: When a couple seem hell-bent on letting everyone know they make lovelike rabbits, you've got to ask yourself, what are they trying to prove? Could be they're trying to impress upon each other that the relationship is strong because in reality it's not terribly solid on the communication side.

"To feel secure in a relationship, both partners need to feel that they are loved and valued for who they are not just how much they put out or how great they look when they're naked," says Ferguson. "If the communication connection is as solid as the sexual connection then obviously it's a win-win situation, but often when there is an overwhelming focus sex, other aspects of the relationship are ignored and when the passion dies down - which is usually does in a few months or years - then the couple may struggle to stay together because their romance has been built on sex rather than true intimacy.

2."He's asked her to move in with him, why aren't we doing that yet?"
When you heard the news that your best friend was moving in with her boyfriend even though they've only been dating for a few months, you felt like you'd been kicked in the stomach. Secretly you've been hoping that your guy will make the suggestion but he shows no sign of wanting to take your relationship to that next level of commitment.



He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

3."They do more together than we do"
He waxes her bikini line; she goes to his footy training. He drops her at work even though it's out of his way; she goes to all his work functions. When you're around a couple who finish each other's sentences and want to do everything together, it's hard not to wonder what their secret is and whether your guy is not into you enough. But the thing about love is that it's very individual and copying another couple because they seem to have it together will not necessarily bring your relationship to a deeper level. So stop nagging your guy because he doesn't want to sit superglued to your side at every dinner or has hobbies that don't involve you - like playing squash. While he's out there engaging in life he's ensuring that he is a more fulfilled and interesting and interesting person - all attributes that will help improve your relationship.

The big picture: Being friends as well as lovers is healthy for any relationship and obviously, it helps if you have some common ground like interests you share and moral values that are similar. But there can be drawbacks as well. "In this kind of relationship, both partners can stop developing their own interests and so can stop growing as individuals," warns relationship psychologist Stephen Mallory. "Their self-absorption might cause them to annoy other couples and lose friend through neglect, placing more pressure on the romance to fulfill every need of each partner. In the long-term one person may end up feeling suffocated."

And what about sex? This kind of companionship relationship can sometimes lack excitement and sexual energy because the partners become more like brother and sister," adds Mallory. "This could create a risk that down the track one partner may meet someone who provides that spark and sexual excitement their own romance is lacking and they may consider leaving the relationship."

4."How come we fight more than they do?"
Sometime when you out with other couples you worry that you look more like sparring partners than lovers. You argue on your way to a party because he didn't listen and took the wrong turn, they don't talk for the rest of the night or disagree in the middle of the dinner because he makes a joke that you're pre-menstrual and you hit back with complaints about his behaviour of late.

Meanwhile, the others couple are trying to pretend they're not noticing your public slanging matches. So what is it? How come they all manage to sort thing out without raising their voices while you two seem to always be at each other's throats?

The big picture: Firstly, if you are fighting a lot it might be a good idea to go to some couple's counseling or to both agree to try to take less confrontational approaches to dealing with problems in your relationship. Don't pressure It can lead you to discuss things that are bothering you and sort them out. When couples don't fight it can be because they are ultra compatible, but it could also indicate some issues that you really wouldn't want to have in your relationship.

According to Joan Gibson, couples counselor: "These may include a power imbalance - where one partner dominates all the decisions and the other feels so overwhelmed they've given up even trying to fight back. Or it could indicate a romance that's in a rut - and both partners are so jaded about the poor state of their relationship that they couldn't even be bothered on working to improve it anymore."

5."she got such a special birthday present from her boyfriend and I only got a bunch of flower.

So your boyfriend got you a CD for your 25th and you've just been out for your bestie's birthday and her man got her an antique lace shawl. As you watched her open the pressie you felt tears well in your eyes and realised how disappointed you still felt about how little thought he put into your gift. The minute you arrived home you picked a fight with him about it - accusing him of not making enough effort and always taking the slacker approach to things that should be special between you.

The big picture: Okay - so some guys are hopeless with gifts and either get the wrong kind of thing completely or buy something lame that they've clearly put no thought or time into. But the material things he buys you like flowers or jewellery - though nice to have - are not the only way you should measure the strenght of your relationship.

"Maybe your boyfriend is not that good with choosing feminine things to give you but makes up for this in other ways - by showing you how he feels," says Mallory. " If he's not gett5ing you exciting gifts but he shows his love in other ways by making you breakfast in bed or calling you during the day to say h's thinking of you, then in the scheme of things, a less-than-perfect birthday present really isn't that important. It's when you are not getting the TLC or the decent gifts that you have valid reason to complain."

Dumped? The Real Reasons He Did It

Remark: Repost do to some of error..
Want to know why he broke it off with you? Stop ripping yourself to shreds and turn the spotlight on HIS commitment issues.

He says “We need to talk” so you suspect something is up and you’re prepared to work through the problem. Instead he just blurts out “it’s over” and you’re so shocked. You can barely breathe. After breaking your heart he trots out all the usual lines: “It’s not you, it’s me”, “This isn’t working”, “I’m not good enough for you”. “I never meant to hurt you”, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” and he even says “I’ll call you sometimes” before you sprint from the rules, barely holding back the floods of tears. But once you get back to your flat/car/girlfriend’s place you suddenly realize he hasn’t really been straight with you at all.

After all the time, energy and tenderness you gave to the relationship it has just imploded and you have no real idea why. Before you beat yourself up for being a total failure in love – go through his behaviour with a fine-toothed comb. There are only a few reasons why men dump women and most of them indicate his emotional issue, not yours:

1. He’s looking for the ideal woman.
And you’re not her – but don’t feel unworthy-no women could ever measure up to his unrealistic ideal. He’s ultimate partner has Angelina Jolie’s lips, Elle Macpherson’s breasts, Jennifer Aniston’s figure, a face like Catherine Zeta-Jones, the intelligent and talent of a Cate Blanchett and a sense of humor to match whoopi Goldberg’s. Obviously, he’s never going to find someone to fit this bill but he enters each relationship with this unhelpful wishlist in his head.

“When it comes to romance, women tend to take a positive approach, focusing on their partner’s good looks or his sensitivity and projecting ahead to how romantic their future together could be,” says psychologist Danita Sykes. “The glow of these rose-colored glasses often helps to gloss over their partner’s less appealing qualities such as a bad temper or tendency to flirt. But as a relationship develops men may come to take their girlfriend’s appealing traits for granted and be more preoccupied with the ways their partner doesn’t meet their needs. They think the women of their dreams should be close to perfect. So if she doesn’t shared his love of the arts or doesn’t cook as well as he does, he may worry that this is a sign she’s not really the right partner for him.”

The upshot? Believe him when he says “it’s not you, it’s me”-any person who keeps up a misguided quest for total perfection in a partner is setting themselves up to never find true love. He doesn’t deserve you if he can’t recognize the special and unique qualities that make you such a great catch. “You’d be much better off with a men who is more emotionally evolved and mature,” Sykes points out.

2. He’s lazy in love.

Everything was peachy when you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship – you hung n each other’s every word and couldn’t wait to get home to be together. But now, you’ve been together a while you’re encountering a few hiccoughs - having a negotiate errands, not always wanting sex at the same time arguing about everything from what tv programme you should watch to whether or not he should call when he’s only running half an hour late.

For him, doing any kind of emotional house work in a relationship is to much hard work and the minute these kind of day-to-day problems arise he always does a runner. “I see lots of men who just bail out the minute there is any kind of issue to be solved in their romantic life,” says Sykes. Some “ men mistakenly see differences of opinion as a sign that the two of you a just not compatible instead of realizing that every relationship requires a little work, and a lot of communication and compromise if it is to deepen an last.”

3. He met someone else.

This one hurts because he's unlikely to be upfront about the real reasons for the break. So you nurse your broken heart and try to save face in front of all yours friends by repeating hi exit line " I'm not ready to settle down" or " I need some time on my own". Next thing you hear on the grapevine, that he's not only launched himself back on the singles scene but he went straight from spiting up with you to asking another woman to go steady. Does she look like Cameron Diaz? Is he better than you in bed? What do you care? Be grateful - he's obviously got a roving eyes which means that down the track he might have been unfaithful or been a serial flirt. He's done you a big favour - now you can find a guy worthy of your trust.

4. He’s afraid of commitment.

5. He’s still in love with his ex.

6. He’s from a different world.

7. He’s been scared off.

Why Money and Friendships DO NOT MiX?

You have your money and you friend,

You loan your money to your friend,
You ask your money from your friend,
You lose your money and your friend
-Unknown-


Need a quick way to end a friendship? Just ask her for a loan! Many a long friendship has ended because of money, but how can you avoid it?

When it comes to money, everyone's got problems. There is just too little of the nasty stuff to go around - no matter how much we have, we always seem to be able to find new, creative ways of spending it all and needing more. Make no mistake about it: money can corrupt and ruin everything it touches.. including friendships.

Money does not care whether you are a borrower or lender, a buyer or a seller, a giver or a taker - as long as you need it (and who does not?), you are corruptible.

This doesn't make you a mean person, just human. As a lender, you hate having to ask for your money back; as a borrower, you feel ashamed for being unable to repay it. Either way, bad blood has come into the friendship.. and thus the problems begin. Money and friendships simply do not mix.

What's it worth?
We like to equate the strength of our friendships with whether or not we can freely lend money to each other, and we are often wrong. We underestimate how important money is to other people. We think that our needs, our "emergencies", are more important than theirs.. which, whilst sounding selfish, is also completely true.

A good friendship is worth a lot. The question you need to ask yourself before lending or borrowing money is, "How valuable Is The Friendship To You?"

If it is worth more than the money being ask for, then don't give or take the money. Your friendship will survive. And so you.

Dangers Of SINGLEHOOD!

Watch out these pitfalls of single life before they ruin you!

Alcohol-induced dating

If you find the only way you can feel good about being on a date with someone new is by having two - or five - glasses of wine, beware: You may get his body for a few nights, but you'll never capture his heart. You'll dive to the bottom of your next chardonnay in search of an answer to your loneliness, and before you know it, you'll find you don't want a man after all - a bottle of red wine is what you'll need.

Gift splurges
If your credit card statement says you're spending too much on fancy ties, cufflinks and gadgets, it's probably right.. especially if they are all for someone else. There is wisdom in The Beatles' advice: "Money Can't Buy Me Love."

Drugs
If he's on drugs and wants you to "share the fun", that's an invitation to madness. Drugs are one-way road to misery, no matter how euphoric that first communal companionship is.

Free SEX
Sharing your bed with an unreasonable number of men runs you the risk of contracting all kind of horrible sexually-transmitted diseases (STD), not to mention earning you the labels "Free Sex Here!" on your forehead. Make love responsibly, and you'll be love and return.

Misery love company
How's your circle of friends? If you find that your best pals are all losers, it may be because all of you share this in common: A fear of loneliness. Break away from this group, even if it means losing all your friends and starting over, because they never let you move forward alone.

Uhmm..

Desperately SINGLE!

It may be fun being single. But when loneliness lurks beneath the surface, that fun could easily be misery in disguise. Can singlehood destroy you?

When Jane decided to hook up with Kenneth, it was not love that was on her mind. It wasn't money, either. Nor fame, nor sympathy, nor babies.

No. Jane's motive was a lot more primal: Fear. What made up her mind was the numbing terror spending another night alone, even if it was in someone's else bed with his sweet, tuneless snoring for a lullaby. She has come to dread loneliness so much that she has agreed to move in with Kenneth in spite of his alcoholic tendencies.. and because he'd said "yes" when she proposed the idea a couple nights ago.

"What Kenneth and I have is special, but I don't think it's love," elaborates Jane, who is celebrating her third week as Kenneth's girlfriend in the usual way: Binge drinking. I'd say it's an understanding." She winks confidentially at me, then turns to do Macarena with her new boyfriend. Later, she may talk more. But now, she simply says, she want to forget. Forget love, forget life, forget singlehod.

Unhappy singlehood.
Jane's life before Kenneth was not all different from what it is now, typical of the lives of any number of other single women on the planet Venus: Work Mondays to Fridays, party, wake up with a stranger on Saturday morning, go to a movie on Sunday and start all over again on Monday.

She has a regular job, she dates, she has sex, and she has a social life and family. Every now and then, she disappears for a couple of weeks on vacation - sometimes alone sometimes with friends and returns refresh and tanned. Her normalcy can be defined by her Sunday laundry: Sensible cotton underwear, decent blouses and skirts, loose T-shirts and, occasionally, a racy mini-dress. Independent, aggressive and feminine, she embodies the woman of the 21st century.

And Jane wants love. She has a formula for it, too - the same she used on Kenneth - which she was happy to share for this interview: "The easiest way to get a man interested in you is to lock heels with him," she claims. "Until then, he's about as interested in you as a baby is in pureed spinach.. unless you are Angelina Jolie, of course."

Jane is no looker, it must be admitted, but she's no hunchback of Notre Dame. With her slim hips, her formula is probably infallible at getting her sex. But I have reservations about whether it actually finds her "love". Kenneth is living proof of that.

What is it that drives women and men to take such desperate measures to get hitched? It seems that the stakes are higher these days, and the asking price for decent dates has gone up. Competition is stiff. To attract even a mediocre representative of the opposite sex, you have got to be above average yourself.

That is the only way to stand out in a crowded marketplace full of single Asian women asking - begging! - for Mr. Right. And with so many of the men looking for theirs Ms Rights at the same time, it's no wonder that formula like Jane's work so well: in this chaotic match-market, love, no matter how fleeting (and in the bedroom it always is), comes a welcome relief from the stresses of looking, of finding and of disappointment. There is little time and opportunity to waste on uncomfortable "get to know you" phones call and lunches punctuated with periods of silence. For late-20something desperados like Jane, the acid test of compatibility is "Do we come together?"

Men, of course, figure differently. "Locking heels" would probably earn them a police arrest rather than a litmus test in bed, so they earn the approbation of women by buying them flowers, expensive chocolates and, in the worst cases, jewelery. What is sad about this practice is that it can go on for long time - at no expense to the woman, of course - and still mean e sleeps alone again with nothing but his right hand for company.

Tony, a 33-years-old entrepreneur, has an on-going relationship with an air stewardess. He estimates that he has already spent about RM80,000 on gift, clothes and holidays on her. His presents so far have included Gucci handbags, Lazare diamond jewelery and a trip to Disneyland. But he knows the score better than anyone: "As long as I gave her what she wants, she will love me. If the money runs out, so will her lov."

Will she marry him? Maybe.. If she tires soon of her life flying around the world and serving coffee to grumpy old men. If another man comes along who can offer more than Tony - the life of the truly rich and fabulous, say - maybe not. But for Tony, money-purchased love is better than the haunting loneliness he used to be familiar with.

"I used to hire prostitutes to ease my loneliness," says Tony grimly. "Two at a time, if I felt like it. Do I want to do that again? No way. No matter how artificial, Michelle is at least a partner to me." Of love, Tony has precious little to offer. "Love is unpredictable," he says. With Michelle, at least I know what I need to do to make her stay. Better that than being alone."

Of happiness..
Jane, sweaty but happy, orders another drink. I ask her about love. And about happiness. "Happiness is temporary, but can be easily acquired," says Jane after a long draught from her Pilsner. "True love is probably permanent, but you cannot find it."

Lonely people need the presence of others in their lives to make themselves feel "whole". Their life are typified by their need for constant contact people: Needing someone to launch with everyday, needing housemates to return home to, needing colleagues to bitch to, needing someone to call when they're driving home. As they grow olders, their circle of acquaintances narrows - their friends get married, move away or die. Eventually, they face the possibility of being alone for the rest of theirs lives, and that's when the aloneness gets really terrifying.

At first, they may play by the rules: Keep your pants on but keep your mind open. Play the "respectable"circuits - networking events, clubs, blind dates. But as their fear of that loneliness grows, so does their desperation. Eventually, they take reckless risk with their lives in an effort to win companionship. For the desperate singleton, communal happiness is only drink, a puff or a shag away. And, for as long as its effects last, they are lonely no more.

They have a relationship based on alcohol or drugs or sex that last a few hours, may be even a few weeks. And during that time, they are happy, they are whole. When the nagging pre monition that the other person will leave turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, they are lonely again. But that's okay, because it only take a drink, a puff or a shag to hook up with someone new.

That, in a nutshell, sums it all up. Jane, with sass in her eyes and mischief on her mind, leans on the arm of an expatriate at the bar, her boyfriend forgotten for the moment. Perhaps Kenneth has his own story to tell. Perhaps he too, like Jane, is terrified being alone, and just now found his joyful respite in a bottle whisky on the floor of the men's room. Perhaps the American man whose attention she now commands has a story about loneliness too. May be we all have a story about loneliness, and how it come to "get" us one night. Maybe while most of us manage to find a cure for that loneliness before it overwhelms our lives and our senses. Desperate singletons are robbed of their reason and would rather have temporary happiness at many cost then be faced with their loneliness again.

.... and of love
"Am I not loveable?" Jane slur to me. I don't know how to answer. At the moment, certainly not: but maybe if she were sober, I'd have a better idea. "See? It's just like I said: Love does not come easy.. especially to me," says Jane, taking me hesitancy as my answer. ( As I write this the next day, I realise the truly sad part about this moment: I don't think she was far from the truth - she isn't loveable at all.) Yet for now, Jane is happy. As is her boyfriend - wherever he is - and the raucous American who is currently enjoying her company. To judge from this examples, it'd seem that Jane is right: Happiness may be temporary... but at lease it's easy to come by.

But if love were most readily available, would it be easier for someone to love Jane? Kenneth? Tony? A hundred million other singletons around the world who will go to sleep tonight feeling unlove, lonely and incomplete? The picture as Jane paints is for this story it is decidedly gloomy. But it must be said that if love did come looking for her, she'd not be ready for it. In the face of her bleak wisdom, love would flee.

It may be patient and it may be kind, but love is not foolish! It will go to people who are ready to appreciate love for what it is: Passionate, capricious, joyous and beautiful. And because there are no guarantee love will last, the same people must prepared for the possibility of being alone again if it does not work out - and to deal with that loneliness constructively. Yet for every Unloveable Jane who leads a miserable single life, they are at least a hundred other loveable women who are satisfied with singlehood, and who are ready for love should it come knocking. Question is, are you of them?


Thanks My Lord for what I have. God's love is forever!

Wall Flower Syndrome- When You're Too Afraid To Fall in LOVE.

The more you've been hurt in love the harder it is to give your heart again. By Stephanie Osfield.

You think you'll never get over it when a guy breaks your heart. You feel down on yourself ("Why don't my relationships ever work out?"); foolish ("How could I have given so much to someone so undeserving?") and angry (" this is the last time I ever let someone do this to me"). Though the tears dry and you do learn to laugh again there can be a lasting fear that you may get hurt the next time around. Sure, that can bring some positives - encouraging you too choose partners more wisely or ensuring you hold back on having sex until you're sure the next guy you meet is worthy your love. But past romantic disasters can also give you a fear of intimacy so strong it may stand in the way of you finding true love again.

Once bitten, twice shy.
If you were bitten by a snake in your backyard then every time you go to that part of the garden you'd feel a little fearful of it happening again. That's human nature - remembering and acting defensively are an inbuilt part of our emotional make-up - they're instinctive responses designed to keep us safe from predators so that we survive. Unfortunately, the fear of being hurt also applies in love - so when your heart has been bruised in one or more relationships, it's hard not to be permanently on your guard. If you were open, honest, affectionate and passionate and your boyfriend lapped it all up then later dumped you - you're naturally going to be wary of being too giving in love again. But what a cost?

A painful break-up can leave scars that run deep. Maybe you've decided to keep every man you meet at arm's length. Maybe you haven't dated another guy for a long time because you're distant with every new man you meet. Whatever your tactics for keeping your heart safe, one thing is certain -avoiding intimacy is no reliable insurance policy against a broken heart. On the contrary, you're likely to end up with a heart that is breaking from loneliness and the ache to be loved.

"Emotional intimacy is one of the most uplifting experiences in life", say counselor, Kerryn Morrison. "When you share your deepest feelings, hopes and fears with someone and they share theirs with you, there is overwhelming sense of feeling fulfilled and belonging. That's why we all strive to have successful relationships - so that we can enjoy emotional intimacy and the sense of self-worth that romantic attachment provides.

" But when you're overly cautious about protecting yourself in lover you deny yourself the chance of ever achieving this level of emotional happiness. Being vulnerable with another person and letting them know who you really are is the basic foundation for any lasting romance. Hold back from doing this because your last boyfriend abused this intimate knowledge of you and you'll not only prevent the men you met from getting to know the real, wonderful you, but you'll also scare potential partners away because you'll come across as withdrawn and unapproachable.

Don't take it to HEART
"I've fallen out of love with you", "I've met someone else"; "I'm not ready to settle down just yet..." whatever reason a guy gives for ending your relationship -It's hard not to take it personally.

"When I got dumped for the third time in a year, for at lease six months, I blamed myself - Thinking I clearly wasn't smart enough to keep a man captivated, not attractive enough to keep a man from looking at other women and not interesting enough to hold a man's attention for long," Says Tanya, 24. "It was unable to be the kind of woman who'd make guy stick around. And because I'd had three men treat me thoughtlessly I was afraid of even dating again. So for a long time I just stood back and played the role of the wallflower.

"I didn't flirt with guys, I didn't even smile at them - I actually felt safer if no man showed any interest in me and soon that was the case - I was giving 'off-limits' signals. I thought I was keeping myself in a position of strength by holding back, but over time I was becoming increasingly bitter, sad, isolated and despairing. Deep down I still wanted to be loved - I just didn't know how to achieve that level of romance without putting my heart at risk." While she was busy cataloging her many inadequacies it never occurred to Tanya that maybe that problem was with the men she was dating - chances are they just weren't right for her or had their own emotional issues such as commitment phobia.

In short, instead of going into self-preservation mode because you had a relationship that didn't work out, it's much healthier to try to look at what happened objectively so that you can learn from the experience. Did you try too hard to please him? Did you catch him on the rebound? Were you trying too much to change him or were you and your boyfriend just too different to ever make a real go of it? Seeing each break-up clearly for what it was will let you off the hook so that you can be kind to yourself again.

"When a person fears being hurt again in love you can usually trace their ongoing trauma back to one fundamental problem - the inability to deal with a sense that they have been rejected," says Morrison. "Learning how to work through this feelings and not to take rejection as a character assassination is the key to moving beyond fear s that you can regain enough confidence and self-esteem to open yourself up again in love,"

Who are YOU?
Do feel that you're nothing without your boyfriend. Do you tend to put each guy you date in a position of power over you so go along in the hope that keeping him happy will make him stay with you? Then you're setting yourself up to have your heart broken. The moment you let yourself be defined by who you are with rather than who you are, you're in dangerous territory. It's impossible to have successful relationship unless you are in touch with your own identity.

"I often find in women who feel they have been unhappy in love that they have been unhappy in love that they are not good at setting boundaries about the way they are treated," says psychologist, Theresa Spittle. "They have spent so long letting other people call the shots they have no idea they what they want. I encourage them to put themselves first for a chance. They write a list to identify what makes them happy, what they feel passionate about. Through this process they realise that our thoughts are what have the most influence over our happiness."

Would Somebody Please Explain My Husband?

A well-known Christian author and his wife once summed up their relationship in 13 words: "Put us together, and we add up to a fairly decent human being."

I enjoyed their self-deprecating sense of humor, and only later realized they were rephrasing a profound biblical truth: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

When two people become one, they compensate for each other's deficiencies. If I were left to my own devices, for instance, I'd turn into the Tom Hanks character in Cast Away. But team me up with my wife, Jeanette, the Queen of Sociability, and I turn into a reasonably presentable human being.

While we husbands benefit greatly from being married, we often don't communicate it well. Women are into relational nuances—the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning. Men basically wonder if there are any more mashed potatoes.

One night, Jeanette and I sat quietly, enjoying ourselves in the corner of a candle-lit restaurant. Then, out of nowhere, she looked into my eyes and said, "Let's talk about our relationship." It always makes me nervous when she says that.

Relationships are usually complex, and guys are pretty basic. A husband tends to think in concrete terms. Instead of pondering his marriage, he'll picture the woman he comes home to at night, the woman with whom he has children, the woman with whom he shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.

What else about your husband do you wish you understood? Let me toss out seven things that might help explain a few of your husband's odd behaviors.

1 A man does more talking—and listening—when he's unaware it's happening.

Most guys don't overwhelm their wife with deep inner feelings! However, there's a way to get your husband to share what's going on inside. It involves talking to him the same way his buddies do—while doing something else. Men go fishing, watch a ball game, or help each other move a pool table down to the basement. And of course, they talk a lot while they're doing these things.

For Jeanette and me, all it took was building a wood rack together. I got out the lumber and power tools; Jeanette gathered the nails, screws, and tape measure. Amid the noise and sawdust, she told me she was struggling over whether we should make a long-distance road trip to visit her parents. I'd already told her I'd do whatever she decided, but Jeanette needed to talk out the options. While we built a rack to hold our firewood, we discussed the pros and cons. What else could I do? I had to hang around until we finished the wood rack.

Take it from me. If you start doing more stuff with your husband, you'll find he actually has a lot to say. And he'll listen a lot better, too.

2 If a man pauses before answering a question, that doesn't mean he's losing interest in the conversation.

Guys really get into it when they're verbally sparring with their buddies, so you might wonder why your husband can't invest that kind of passion in sharing with you.

When a guy "shares" with his wife, he knows his every utterance carries a meaning even he doesn't realize. So he's extra careful about what he says. That explains the frequent pauses.

One night after dinner, Jeanette came back to the table and sat down as I was reading the newspaper. Jeanette wanted to talk about how I was dealing with our recent move. In the months since we'd left the Midwest, I'd been saying how thrilled I was to be living in Colorado. This was beginning to wear on Jeanette, who wondered if I still had a beating heart in my chest.

Finally, I laid the newspaper aside. "I don't miss the weather or the traffic," I told her. "But I do really miss Ed and Joann. We always had a great time when we got together. I hope they'll come visit us."

Jeanette tells me I revealed this sense of loss amid several pauses. She resisted the urge to hurry the conversation by guessing what I missed most. She told me later her patience paid off when I finally indicated I was hurting about some of the people we'd left behind.

(Note to any husband reading this article: If your wife sits down at the dinner table after the meal, lay down the newspaper. That's one of those silent signals we're supposed to pick up on.)

3 If your husband likes to hang around the house, he's actually paying you a compliment.

Here's one way to tell if your husband thinks your marriage is going well. He won't work late unless he absolutely has to, and he won't overload his schedule with meetings and golf dates with his buddies. The reason? He'd rather be home with you.

Sounds good so far, right? But let's say you've had a terrible week, and as Friday approaches, all you can think about is getting out of the house for a quiet dinner and maybe even a movie. You can picture the restaurant, taste the appetizer, even smell the popcorn at the theater. But your husband gets home from work on Friday and all he wants to do is stay put. Before you take it personally, remember that if he wants to hang out at home, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to do something with you. It just means he wants to do something with you at home. I realize a steady diet of staying home eventually will drive you up the wall. But for now, take it as a compliment. Maybe next Friday he'll have more ambition.

4 When your husband's a little short with you, 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you.

Some things that really bug your husband are taxes, bills, his boss, and the ever-present threat of male pattern baldness. For me, the most frequent low-level life stress is automobile-related. Our cars break down with unnerving regularity.

One afternoon, Jeanette called me from work to say that when she pulled into her office parking lot, steam poured out from under our van's hood. I picked up some antifreeze, several jugs of water, and headed off to her office. Sitting at a red light, I made a mental list of what causes coolant to leak: a cracked radiator or heater hose, a bad water pump, or the worst possibility—a blown head gasket.

By the time I arrived at Jeanette's office, I'd worked myself into a lather over the likelihood this repair would drain us financially. That means I wasn't all smiles and affectionate greetings when Jeanette walked out to meet me. As I poured antifreeze into the radiator and watched a new green pool form on the ground, I asked Jeanette to follow me to the repair shop. Then I took off down the street.

Here's the significant thing about this story: Jeanette didn't take my fit of pique personally. She understood I was angry at the situation, not at her. (Now to any guy reading this: It was the head gasket. It set us back $1,800.)

So if your husband acts less than chummy and you wonder if it's something you said, think about what else has happened in his life. He probably had some huge, last-minute project dumped on his desk that afternoon. Or maybe he just opened the mail and looked at the VISA bill. You, he loves. The credit card bill he'd gladly burn at the stake.

5 The words husband and hint don't belong in the same sentence.

I maintain there's a perfectly good explanation for why guys are clueless. It's because wives like to hint around at what they mean; then they wonder why their husbands aren't responding.

Take last Thanksgiving, for instance. Jeanette and I had a houseful of guests, some of whom were watching football in the family room. Being a good host, I figured I'd watch it with them. Just then, from the kitchen, Jeanette said, and I quote, "Ron." She used that tone that means I'd messed up—without specifying the infraction.

"Should I feed the fire?" I asked. That wasn't it. "Do you want me to help you get the dishes out?" Not that, either. "Is it time for me to take drink orders?" Wrong again. Finally, I hit on it. "You don't want me to watch football while other guests visit in the living room, do you?" Bingo! At last I'd guessed correctly. But it would have been less frustrating if Jeanette had just said, "I don't think you should watch football while the other guests entertain themselves in another room." If she'd uttered those words, I would have caught on. Honest.

6 Many men are clothing challenged.

Forget those immaculately attired GQ guys; a chimpanzee would look great if he had a team of trained professionals picking out his clothes, too. Assuming you're married to a regular guy, chances are your husband suffers from a combination of fashion blindness and ensemble dyslexia. Sometimes we freeze up. Does this tie go with this jacket? Are these socks black or navy blue? If I wear the pink polo shirt, will other guys start asking me out?

I have a friend who had to make a big presentation at work, and he wanted to make a good impression. That morning, he noticed a new sweater hanging on his side of the closet and was overcome by a wave of gratitude. His wife, realizing the importance of this presentation, had been thoughtful enough to buy him a really nice sweater.

He wore the stylish garment to work, gave the presentation, and came home to tell his wife about it. She listened attentively, then asked, "But why did you wear my sweater?"

I'm not saying guys are clothing idiots; I'm just saying we can use a little help. If it weren't for our wives, we'd be giving people the fashion willies every time we left the house.

7 A guy likes to put disagreements behind him.

Most guys think there's only one proven method of making up after an argument, and that involves getting physically close. My friend Michael speaks for a multitude of husbands when he says that as soon as the fight's over, physical contact with his wife helps him feel things are once again okay.

"I don't carry grudges," he says. "But Susan's different. When we strongly disagree about something, or when I've hurt her in some way, she feels distant from me, and it takes more time than I'd like to get close again. As for me, I can get close within minutes of a fight, even if it really hurt my feelings."

Michael's prescription for reconnecting after an argument: "Sex at a time like this? Sure!" To that, the men of the husband brotherhood add: "Why not?"

In the immortal words of Phil Callaway, author of I Used to Have Answers, Now I Have Kids (Harvest House): "We husbands have three desires in life: food, sex, and. … we can't think of the third thing. Seriously, a happy guy makes a great husband. And it doesn't take much to make us happy."

I can't speak for Phil, but I remember the third thing that keeps me happy. Every few weeks, I need Jeanette to tell me whether my brown loafers go with the khaki trousers or the navy blue pants. Every time she clarifies this for me, I'm a really happy man.